Are you running away from your problems?
The world can be a difficult place. Sometimes it feels like we are being attacked from all sides externally, and sometimes internally. After all, the battles that we fight alone in our minds are often some of the hardest.
Yet some people seem to fight these battles with courageous resolve, whereas others bury their heads in the sand and avoid tackling their problems at all.
And unfortunately, we all know that the latter approach usually doesn’t work.
So, if you don’t want to fall into the trap of forever running away from your problems, here are 8 things to avoid.
1. Trying to avoid discomfort and pain at all costs.
Woah. Embrace discomfort and pain? That’s a pretty strong statement, isn’t it?
Well, most positive and good things in life will inevitably include or bring some pain. There’s no real way around that. Dr. Steven C. Hayes, developer of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) tells us that pain and discomfort are the price we pay for a meaningful life.
Do you want to experience a deep love? Then you have to accept that you will eventually feel a deep loss.
Do you want to lose weight? Then you have to accept dietary and lifestyle changes to make that happen.
Do you want to get mental troubles under control? Then you have to accept the discomfort that comes with therapy and doctors.
Do you want a better job? Then you have to accept the uncertainty and discomfort of job searching, interviewing, or training for a new career.
There is nothing gained without some suffering, but many people are so intent on finding a vibrant, fictional happiness that they sabotage their ability to acquire meaningful things.
It is rare that anyone will accomplish anything without a lot of work, which sometimes means suffering through tedious and uncomfortable things. To face your problems courageously, you’re going to have to accept that you aren’t going to feel comfortable. It’s not going to be an easy, happy, or pleasant process.
And before we continue on, a caveat. This is not to suggest that “everything happens for a reason” or that you should suffer through being treated disrespectfully or abused. It does not mean that you deserve to suffer. It only means that change is going to bring some pain with it.
There’s no avoiding that.
2. Isolating yourself from people who can help you face your problems.
Many journeys in life are lonely, but they don’t have to be. There are other people out there who are on similar paths, who have made similar journeys, who are striving to accomplish the same goals you are.
There may also be people around you that you can lean on as you work to overcome whatever obstacles you are trying desperately not to run away from. Not every trail needs to be blazed on your own, even if it is something personal. There are people out there that have already walked the paths that you are just now embarking on. The value of peer support in mood moderation is well researched.
You may be able to find support in mental health communities, therapy, support groups, or even social media groups. But, you do need to be cautious and exercise some careful judgment. If it’s a mental health or trauma-related challenge that you’re working to overcome, it’s a good idea to stay in carefully controlled spaces where professionals are present if possible.
Consumer groups can be helpful, but they can also be negative or chaotic places at times. Family and friends, while they may love and care about you, may not have the kind of knowledge required to provide you meaningful support and insight on your journey.
And then there are other times where we may find ourselves alone at a crossroads in our lives and professional support may be the only good option.
3. Letting fear of the unknown stop you from trying to move forward.
Fear is often rooted in ignorance, a lack of knowledge about a particular subject. This fear of the unknown is often a key factor when people run away from their problems. We can work to dispel that fear by learning more about not only the challenge that we face but also the process of confronting and overcoming it.
That’s where short-term and long-term goals enter the picture.
It is absolutely important to have personal goals you want to pursue as you work on yourself. Not only do they provide you with a framework for accomplishment, but they can also keep you motivated when you’re having a hard time.
You can look back at the things you accomplished, how far you’ve come, and know that you have the strength, willpower, and capability to accomplish more. Goal-setting is an integral part of forward progress. After all, how will you know when you’ve reached your destination if you don’t know what your destination is? And when you do, take some time to celebrate your success before setting some new goals!
4. Believing you aren’t capable of tackling your problems.
One of the reasons you may end up running away from your problems may be because you don’t feel confident tackling them. You don’t believe in your abilities to take whatever actions need to be taken. Dr. Albert Bandura, a renowned psychologist, was one of the first to make the link between our self-efficacy and our ability to tackle difficult tasks.
When you are confident, you act regardless of any fears or worries you may have about doing so. You recognize that this is something that needs to be done and you set about trying to do it. When you believe in yourself, you see yourself as being capable of tackling your problems. You know that you have the necessary skills and knowledge to resolve things effectively.
If you struggle with either your self-confidence or self-belief or both, you might not even try to face things because whatever it is will seem insurmountable. Which is why you must tackle these mental roadblocks before you can address other problems.
5. Never taking that very first step.
Despite what it sounds like, running away from your problems doesn’t involve movement of any sort. In fact, it keeps you firmly fixed in place, even if you manage to find a way to temporarily escape the clutches of whatever it is you are running from.
If you can just get moving a little bit, figuratively speaking, then you can start to build up some momentum, and momentum is a powerful thing when you need to get things done.
When you face a problem and find a way to solve it or overcome it, your brain will release some feel-good chemicals to reward you. That positive feeling can then be used as a source of energy and motivation to tackle another problem, and another.
The American Psychological Association (APA) suggests you start with something small. Find an issue that you know how to tackle even though you’ve been avoiding it thus far. Take the action required to address that issue and tick that thing off your list. Slowly work your way through some of the more manageable, less scary, and less consequential problems to build up your momentum and the feel-good factor it gives you.
Then, whether alone or with the help of others, begin to look for ways to take on the bigger problems—the ones you’ve been running from for a while, or the ones that you don’t know how to deal with.
This goes against some of the advice you’ll read in self-help articles. Often, the advice is to “eat that frog” which means to tackle the biggest things first because they are the most important. But when you suffer from a lack of confidence and belief, or you have mental health issues such as depression, it’s not realistic to jump in at the deep end right away, at least not without professional help.
6. Using taking your mind off your problems as an excuse to run away from them.
While it’s important to take breaks, be cautious about using this as an excuse to avoid your problems entirely.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of “just one more episode” or “I’ll deal with it tomorrow.” Before you know it, days or weeks have passed, and you’re no closer to facing your challenges.
This avoidance can become a habit, a comfortable escape that feels safer than confronting your issues. But true growth happens when you step out of your comfort zone.
Balance is key. Take breaks to recharge, but don’t let them become an endless vacation from your problems. Set clear boundaries for your downtime. Maybe it’s an hour of TV after work, or a weekend day to relax. But when that time is up, it’s time to face reality again.
Your problems won’t disappear just because you’re not thinking about them. In fact, they might grow larger in your absence. So use your breaks wisely. Let them refresh you, not define you.
7. Keeping people in your life who are holding you back.
There are a lot of people out in the world who are not positive or supportive. They can only see the world in dark or bleak ways and they insist on infecting everyone around them with the same negativity.
There are also people out there who want to see others suffer just like they do or undermine the efforts and success of others. It’s a “crabs in a bucket” mentality, where one crab will try to pull itself out and the other crabs will pull it back in.
You must take a long hard look at the people who are closest to you. You will have a much harder time confronting your problems and improving yourself if your friends or romantic partner is belittling you, undermining your efforts, or is outright hostile to you improving yourself. It is an unfortunate reality that so many people tend to lose friends when they start focusing on self-improvement.
Self-improvement is difficult. And when you decide to improve yourself or your position, other people around you may unfairly think you’re attacking their own choices or unwillingness to improve. You cannot let yourself get sucked into that kind of negativity and downward spiral.
Does that mean you forego and throw away your friends? No. Not at all.
What it does mean is that you have to ensure that people who would undermine or destroy your progress do not have the power or capability to do so. It is your life, not theirs; and there is no reason to put up with passive-aggressive comments or outright hostility.
Unfortunately, we sometimes end up outgrowing old friendships and relationships because they were rooted in negativity that wasn’t recognizable at the time. That is a decision that you hopefully won’t have to make, but don’t be too surprised if you do.
8. Forgetting that you have the choice to stand and fight.
Every meaningful life change comes down to a person deciding that enough is enough. They no longer want to experience life the way that they do. It doesn’t matter how far or fast one runs, sooner or later, our problems eventually catch up to us.
At some point, you simply have to make the choice to stand up and fight to win, no matter the cost. You have to be the one to make the choice to stand up to your fears and battle them.
You may feel like you don’t have the strength or ability to do it, but you do. You have more strength and resilience than you may realize.
Finally…
Facing your problems head-on is a brave choice that leads to growth and empowerment. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. By eliminating the unhelpful behaviors and thought processes outlined in this article, you can overcome any challenge. Don’t run away; stand and fight. Your future self will thank you for the courage you show today.
