If You Recognize These 9 Signs, You Don't Like Yourself Very Much At All

Do You Recognize These 9 Signs?

A person with long dark hair and striking blue eyes looks directly at the camera. There are streaks of makeup running down their cheeks, suggesting tears. The background is blurred, emphasizing their emotional expression.

Self-hatred is a silent struggle that many people face, often without even realizing it. It’s a pervasive feeling that can seep into every aspect of your life, coloring your thoughts, actions, and relationships. While it’s normal to have moments of self-doubt, persistent self-loathing can be deeply damaging to your mental health and overall well-being. Let’s explore nine telltale signs that you don’t not like yourself very much, and how these signs manifest in your daily life.

1. Your Self-Talk Is Very Negative

A close-up, black-and-white photograph of a middle-aged man with a beard and short hair. He gazes downward with a somber expression, highlighting the texture of his skin and the deep shadows on his face. He wears a dark shirt against a black background.

When you dislike the person you are, it is reflected in how you speak to yourself and about yourself.

“I hate myself” is, itself, an example of negative self-talk. Any thought that attacks a part of you or all of you is a result of your self-hatred.

“I’m fat.”

“I’m useless.”

“I’m unlikable.”

“I have awful skin.”

“I have nothing interesting to say.”

Just watch your thoughts for any statement that starts with “I” or “I’m” and which is followed by something negative. Or these thoughts might also take the form of wholly defeatist statements such as:

“Why bother?”

“What’s the point?”

“It’ll only end badly if I try.”

These types of thoughts are self-reinforcing. In other words, the more you think them, the more you believe them, and the more likely you are to think them again. It’s a vicious cycle of destructive overthinking.

2. You Engage In Self-Destructive Behavior

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When you hate yourself, it’s very likely that your actions will reflect this feeling. You will behave in ways that serve to harm your physical or mental well-being or sabotage your life prospects in another way.

Perhaps you self-harm or numb the pain with alcohol or drugs. Maybe you eat too much or too little. You might try to lock yourself away from the outside world and minimize any social contact whatsoever. Or you could neglect to look after yourself in some other way.

Yet while these behaviors may provide temporary comfort and relief, they only cause you to hate yourself more in the long run.

3. You Choose Friends Or Partners Who Mistreat You

A young woman with long, brown hair looks down with a concerned expression while a young man leans close to her, appearing to speak softly. They are standing outdoors with buildings in the background.

When you have low self-worth, you become prone to picking people to be in your life who are not kind to you. Whether it’s the friends you hang out with or the partner you enter into a relationship with, these people are likely to treat you poorly. They may take advantage of you, bully you, verbally or physically abuse you, take you for granted, or act in other unhealthy and unhelpful ways toward you. Every time you are confronted with such behavior, you tell yourself that you deserve it (more negative self-talk). You don’t stand up for yourself and you don’t feel like you have the power to change how they act.

When people treat you so badly, it only serves to confirm the view you already have in your mind – namely the “I hate myself” thought and feeling.

4. You Feel Anxious About Making Any Life Choices

A woman with blonde hair, wearing a light gray shirt, holds her face with both hands. She appears to be deep in thought or worried, sitting in a dimly lit room with a bed and a painting on the wall in the background.

Self-hatred is very often accompanied by low self-confidence. This leaves you feeling anxious whenever you are faced with a decision that may affect your life. Even small decisions that won’t have any great lasting effect can leave you feeling fearful.

You have a toxic relationship with failure because any failure only serves to reinforce how useless and worthless you think you are. You worry about disappointing others and not living up to their expectations of you. And if you have a perfectionist mindset, no choice you make is ever likely to satisfy you because you will always wonder how you might have done better.

You may even feel paralyzed by the choice in front of you, unable to make a decision. This also makes you feel worse about yourself because you believe it shows just how pathetic and incapable you are.

5. You Don’t Believe Positive Statements Made About You

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When you hold feelings of hatred toward yourself, it becomes almost impossible to accept anything positive that someone might say to or about you. You believe that when other people praise you, recognize something good that you’ve done, compliment you, or are just nice to you in some way, that they are being dishonest or insincere.

After all, how can they really mean these things when you know, deep down, how useless and undeserving you are? Maybe you think that they pity you and are simply trying to make you feel better. Or maybe you believe that this is a form of manipulation to get you to do something for them. Either way, you don’t believe what they say and this confirms to you that you are not worth genuine kindness or praise.

6. You Feel Unable To Follow Your Dreams

A woman with blonde hair is sitting on a gray couch, looking pensive. She is wearing a blue shirt and a gray cardigan. The background is softly blurred, with hints of furniture.

If you do still have any dreams, you feel completely incapable of chasing them and making them a reality. You doubt your abilities. You doubt your commitment. You doubt your willpower. You doubt everything that you would need to fulfil the goals you have in life. And neither do you believe that you deserve to have these dreams come true. In your mind, that sort of thing is reserved for people who are ‘better’ than you.

Yet, by not following your dreams, you risk strengthening your feelings of self-loathing. Every time a dream fades, you see a future that is more and more bleak. When your future looks bleak in your eyes, you turn your thoughts inward and you blame yourself. You criticize yourself for not trying harder. You get angry at yourself for giving up. This all fuels your feelings of self-hatred and the cycle starts again.

7. You Constantly Compare Yourself to Others And Find Yourself Lacking

A group of business professionals are engaged in a conversation. The woman in the center is smiling, and a man is holding a cup. They are wearing name tags, and the setting appears to be a networking event or conference.

When you dislike yourself, you’re prone to measuring your worth against others’ perceived successes and attributes. You scroll through social media, feeling increasingly inadequate with each post you see. In social situations, you can’t help but focus on how much better everyone else seems to be doing.

“They’re so much more attractive than me.”

“I’ll never be as successful as them.”

“Why can’t I be as confident/talented/happy as they are?”

These comparisons are rarely fair or accurate, but they feel painfully real to you. You use others’ achievements as a yardstick for your own worth, always coming up short. This constant comparison only serves to reinforce your negative self-image and deepen your self-hatred.

8. You Apologize Excessively

Two women sit cross-legged on a grassy area in a park, engaged in a serious conversation. One has shoulder-length blonde hair and wears glasses and a gray T-shirt, while the other has long dark hair and wears a black T-shirt and maroon pants. Trees are in the background.

When you struggle with self-hatred, you often find yourself apologizing for things that don’t warrant an apology. You might say “sorry” for:

Expressing your opinions or needs.

Taking up space or asking for help.

Things that are entirely out of your control.

This excessive apologizing stems from a deep-seated belief that your very existence is an inconvenience to others. You might catch yourself thinking:

“I’m such a burden to everyone.”

“I always mess things up.”

“I shouldn’t have said/done that.”

This habit not only reinforces your negative self-image but also impacts how others perceive you. It can lead to people taking advantage of you or dismissing your feelings and needs. Over time, this pattern of behavior erodes your self-esteem further, feeding into the cycle of self-hatred.

9. You Feel Like You Don’t Belong

A woman with curly hair is gazing into the distance with a thoughtful expression. She is wearing a light pink sweater and appears to be seated outdoors against a background of gray stone steps.

When you don’t like yourself, you don’t see how anyone else could like you either. In fact, even if you do have friends, you feel disconnected from them and from your family in some way. In your mind, you don’t belong anywhere.

But when you feel like an outcast, the only conclusion you are likely to reach is that there is something ‘wrong’ with you. And so you believe this thought and your self-concept morphs once more toward this unloved and unlovable figure.