What To Do When You Dislike Yourself Intensely: 10 No Nonsense Tips

Are you harboring some self-loathing?

A person with blonde hair holds their hands over their face, peering through their fingers with a look of distress. The background is dark, emphasizing their expression.

You are not the only person who currently dislikes themselves. And many people have hated themselves in the past, but no longer feel that way. It can feel like you’re alone at times because you may not talk about your feelings with anybody, but you can see by looking at many online forums, message boards, or website comment sections that there are other people who feel a similar way.

This alone can bring you some comfort because it can help you to realize that what you are feeling is not uncommon and also because some messages will come from people who have overcome their feelings.

Changing a behavior is not likely to come easy, nor will it come quickly. That’s why we recommend focusing on one or maybe two things at a time and no more.

If you spread yourself too thin and try to implement all of the advice below at once, you’ll find it more difficult to succeed in each. Once you feel like you are making good progress in one area, you might then attempt to address another.

Not all of the points below will directly apply to you. So don’t assume that you have to follow them all.

You might not have any self-destructive behaviors. You may be actively engaged in following your dreams or career. You may have a loving family and set of friends around you. Hating yourself comes in a variety of forms and can happen to anyone.

With all that in mind, let’s explore some tips that should help.

1. Shift Your Negative Self-Talk

A woman sits on a sofa with her knees up, holding her head in her hands, looking distressed. She wears a black shirt, jeans, and sneakers. The room is bright with green plants in the background.

If you can break the pattern of negative self-talk, you can slowly begin to change the way you feel about yourself.

As difficult as it may be, if you can challenge each negative thought that arises and give it a neutral or positive spin, you will eventually find that this becomes second nature.

So if the thought, “I’m not good at anything” comes into your mind, challenge it with the thought, “There are many things I could improve upon, but I am better than most people at…” and then fill in the blank.

If you think, “I’m fat and ugly,” challenge this with, “I could lead a healthier lifestyle, but I have nice hair.”

Your new statements should be realistic – there is little value in lying to yourself or being overly optimistic.

If there really are things about you that you don’t like, your thoughts should recognize the changes that could be made, not the current state that you hate so much.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be a very effective form of therapy that can help you address and alter your negative self-talk.

2. Address Any Self-Destructive Behaviors

A man with a bald head and beard sits at a table, clutching his head in frustration or despair. Around him are several empty, half-empty, and full bottles, suggesting a setting of distress or overconsumption. The background includes household items and plants.

If you can stop doing anything that you know is ultimately harmful to you, then you will stop berating yourself for doing those things.

It is highly likely that this is where you will need the assistance of a doctor or other health professional.

Things like addictions or self-harm are not easy to stop by yourself and it may be that some form of medication will really help in your attempts.

3. Perform An Audit Of Your Inner Circle

A woman with short brown hair and a neutral expression stands in the foreground. In the blurred background, an older woman with short blonde hair and glasses has her arms crossed. Both wear light-colored tops against a gray background.

The people you spend the most time around will have a huge influence on how you feel about yourself.

If you have friends, family members, work colleagues, or other regular acquaintances who treat you poorly, it is worth asking how you might limit the time you spend with them or remove them from your life entirely.

By not being exposed to these people, you will have fewer reasons to be mean to yourself.

4. Ask For Help Making Decisions

An older man with a grey beard and denim shirt gives advice to a younger man in an orange and white t-shirt. The older man has a tattoo on his forearm. They are sitting in a bright room with a large window and green plants in the background.

If you feel anxious whenever you are faced with a choice in life, and especially if you feel unable to make it, try asking a trusted friend or family member for help.

You might feel quite vulnerable and awkward asking someone for help, but if they are someone who treats you well and genuinely cares about you, you’ll probably be surprised at how willing they are to lend a hand.

And when you have the guidance of another person, decisions can feel more manageable and less intimidating.

If you don’t have someone in your life who you feel you can trust or speak to, there are many charities and organizations of all kinds that might be able to help.

5. Take All Positive Comments Seriously

A woman with wavy hair and glasses, wearing a pink jacket, smiles while holding a to-go coffee cup and sitting at an outdoor café table across from a man in a green jacket and brown hat, who also has a to-go coffee cup.

You may find it difficult to believe someone when they say something nice to you, but make every effort to see these comments as genuine.

One way to achieve this is to ask the person why they are saying that to you. Try not to sound defensive or untrusting when you ask, but reply with something such as:

“Thank you, that’s very kind. But what did I do to deserve such nice words?”

This gives them the chance to go into more detail about what you may have done, or why they think you look nice, or whatever the compliment was.

You then have more information to judge rationally and critically.

You may, at times, still come to the conclusion that someone was just being nice, but you will also encounter instances where the evidence really does point toward you having deserved the praise or recognition.

6. Take Small Steps Toward A Dream Or Goal

A woman with long blonde hair is sitting in a modern office, looking intently at a laptop screen. She is wearing a beige blazer over a white top. Her hand is near her chin, and there are large windows in the background.

A great way to feel more positively toward yourself is to achieve something that matters to you.

At the present moment in time, you may not feel able to reach your goals or dreams, so don’t even think about that for now.

Instead, take something tiny that you might be able to do today that will eventually contribute to that goal or dream.

Let’s say your dream is to open your own bakery. That’s a far off end point, yes, but it doesn’t stop you from sitting down and brainstorming names for your bakery.

You’ll probably really enjoy this small task and if you find a name that you like, you’ll feel a sense of achievement and it will make the dream more real.

Whatever your goal is, just try to take a tiny piece of it at a time and celebrate when you’ve taken each step.

Achievements of any size contribute to a sense of personal growth which help challenge the negative thoughts you are having about yourself. And by trying to take forward steps toward a goal on a regular basis, you build up a momentum which can lead to long-term positive change in yourself and your thinking.

7. Find A Tribe Of ‘Your People’

A group of five people, diverse in appearance, are sitting around a table in a cozy, industrial-style coffee shop with brick walls and exposed pipes. They are smiling, laughing, and enjoying their drinks while engaged in conversation.

The way to combat feeling like you don’t belong anywhere is to find at least one or two people with whom you really do share something in common.

This could be something you share physically, such as a body shape or disability.

It could be something you really enjoy doing, such as a hobby or pastime.

Or it could be a dream you both have, such as wanting to start your own businesses.

You may not know these people yet, so it’s your task to find out where they might be and get to know them.

Or you may know them casually, but not yet call them a friend – in which case, your job is to find ways to interact with them more.

8. Practice Self-compassion

A person with curly red hair wrapped in a beige blanket stands outdoors, looking to the side with a slight smile. Green trees are visible in the blurred background.

Compassion tends to be thought of as something you feel for other people when they are experiencing hardship. But by approaching yourself in the same way, you can begin to disrupt the thought patterns that lead to self-hatred.

It won’t be easy, and you will have to make a conscious effort to incorporate self-compassion into your daily life, but, over time, it can make a significant difference to how you feel about yourself.

What does it actually involve? Well, some of the main things include:

– Recognizing that making a mistake does not reflect badly on you as a person. Mistakes are simply a part of being human.

– Challenging the thoughts and feelings of inadequacy as discussed above.

– Encouraging yourself to forge and maintain social connections rather than isolating yourself due to a misguided belief that no one would want to be friends with you or spend time with you.

– Being able to process negative emotions rather than turning away from them or ruminating on them.

– Recognizing and valuing your own right to happiness and the pursuit of that happiness.

9. Practice Self-care.

A person with short hair and glasses is sitting on a couch with their legs up, reading a book. They are wearing a white T-shirt and shorts, and they appear relaxed in a bright room with large windows.

When you don’t like yourself all that much, it is easy to allow self-care to fall by the wayside. Why should you bother to look after yourself when you don’t believe you are worth looking after?

But there is a two-way link here that can either help or hinder you in your efforts to overcome your self-hatred. You see, by not taking care of yourself, you reinforce the belief that you are not worthy of looking or feeling good. On the other hand, if you can find ways to practice self-care, it communicates to yourself that you are worth being taken care of.

In other words, by doing things to take care of yourself, you will feel better about yourself and these two things can create a virtuous upward spiral.

What does this look like? In brief, it means eating well, getting regular exercise, getting enough restful sleep, maintaining good hygiene, maintaining a clean and tidy environment, and identifying and changing habits that are not healthy in the short term or long term, meditation and mindfulness, and getting out into nature, among other things.

You’ll soon notice the difference in how you feel about yourself if you can find it within yourself to treat yourself with kindness and care.

10. Avoid Social Comparison

Two women sitting at a cafe table, engaged in conversation. One woman, wearing glasses and a grey blazer, holds a cup of coffee and a pastry. The other woman, in a beige sweater with a long braid, holds a glass of juice. They appear to be enjoying a casual chat.

One cause of self-hatred that is easy to overlook is the comparisons we make between ourselves and others. Every time you look longingly at the life of someone else, that envy erodes any positive feelings you may have about your own existence.

Social media is a major source of these comparisons. You get a real-time stream of other people’s updates which, let’s face it, are overwhelmingly positive. Very few people post about their problems or failures which makes it seem like you are the only one who faces these things. This causes black-and-white thinking in the sense that it appears as though “everyone is doing well except me.” Which is not true, of course.

If you have low self-esteem to begin with, social media and making social comparisons in general, leads you to focus far more on the negatives of your life (or perceived negatives), and to overlook all the positive things you have to be grateful for.

So, every time you open up your favorite social app, you are likely to face images and videos that act as triggers for your own thoughts of self-loathing. Repeat this many times on a daily basis and it can take a heavy toll on your mental health.

So, it might be best to take a breather from social media, or even consider quitting the platforms that make you feel bad about yourself. At the very least, you should unfollow people and pages whose posts regularly provoke unkind thoughts and feelings toward yourself.

Finally…

A woman with a contemplative expression is looking through a rain-covered window. Her hands are clasped near her face as she gazes outside, suggesting a sense of longing or reflection. She is wearing a white tank top.

“I hate myself” is a thought that crosses many people’s minds. Your struggle is real, but it is one that you can be victorious over. One key message is that you don’t have to struggle alone. There are people and organizations who can help you face down your feelings.

So, as much as this article is designed to help educate you, we would advise you to speak directly to a trained professional or support network wherever possible.

Just be wary of well-wishers who may inadvertently diminish your feelings.