12 Unexpected Ways People Sabotage Their Relationships When Their Love Fades

Fading love often reveals itself in these sabotaging actions.

A woman and a man sit on a park bench with back-to-back posture, arms crossed, looking away from each other, suggesting disagreement or tension. The background shows blurred trees, indicating an outdoor setting.

How a person behaves in a relationship depends partly on the intensity of the love they feel for their partner. They might act quite differently at the beginning of the relationship than they do after five or ten years together. But what happens when that love burns itself out almost entirely? Well, at that point, people often begin to sabotage the partnership, whether consciously or not. And here’s how they do it.

1. They withhold their affection.

A woman in a gray hat, beige coat, and striped scarf looks contemplative, facing away from a man in a black coat. They stand outdoors with a cloudy sky and water in the background. The scene feels somber and introspective.

As feelings fade, one partner may stop showing physical or emotional affection. That creates a feeling of distance and loss of intimacy between the two, as though their relationship has become disconnected. Intimacy provides a warmth that is nurturing, loving, and kind. Without it, things devolve into a cold, distant relationship more akin to a friendship or just living with a roommate.

2. They create unresolved resentment.

A woman is slicing oranges at a kitchen counter while looking at a man who is adjusting his tie. The counter is filled with breakfast items, including coffee cups, croissants, and oranges. The kitchen is modern with white shelves and a brick wall.

Instead of talking to one another, the person checking out of the relationship holds onto resentment which then leads to passive-aggressive behaviors. That may include emotional withdrawal, snide remarks, or dismissiveness of their partner’s feelings. All these things create tension which will significantly worsen the relationship to the point where it cannot be salvaged.

3. They avoid intimacy.

A man with gray hair and a beard looks stressed, resting his head on his hand. In the blurred background, a woman with long brown hair appears concerned, sitting with her arms crossed. They are indoors on a couch.

Many people avoid physical and emotional intimacy when their love starts to fade. They may create excuses to not spend time together, create barriers to deeper connection, or start purposefully avoiding being home. Common actions are staying late at work, substance abuse, or getting over-involved in other activities that prevent them from being around. It provides a buffer that allows them to create distance.

4. They seek attention elsewhere.

A man in a suit smiles and looks at a woman in a white blouse who is leaning over the table, pointing at a document. They are having a discussion in a modern office with a blurred background, including another person out of focus in the foreground.

Instead of working on making their relationship healthy, they look for where the grass is greener. They start looking for validation and excitement outside of the relationship. Common ways to do that are through flirting, emotional affairs, or a full-blown affair. These actions undermine the existing bond, often damaging it irreparably. As a result, it pushes the relationship closer to breaking down completely.

5. They start picking fights.

A woman and a man are sitting on a couch in a living room, engaged in a heated discussion. The woman gestures with her hands, looking frustrated, while the man, with crossed arms and an incredulous expression, responds defensively.

An unnecessary argument is a way to express unhappiness and dissatisfaction without saying it directly. They may know that their feelings are fading or have disappeared altogether but don’t want to bring it up directly. Many people do this because they “don’t want to be the bad guy” or take responsibility for their own feelings. Constant conflicts erode trust, create distance, and may force a breakup.

6. They start throwing criticism and blame.

A man and woman sit on a purple couch. The man, wearing a white shirt, is pointing and appears to be arguing. The woman, wearing a black shirt and blue jeans, looks upset and is resting her head on her hand, looking away from the man. A kitchen is visible in the background.

Everyone has flaws. When the love fades, some will hyper-focus on their partner’s flaws, becoming overly critical and judgmental. This allows them the freedom to blame the other person for the relationship’s problems instead of taking responsibility for themselves. They justify their lack of positive feelings by focusing on how flawed their partner is so that they don’t have to take accountability for the state of the relationship.

7. They are over-dependent on technology.

A woman with short brown hair and a yellow dress sits at a table, looking frustrated, while a man with short brown hair and a blue checkered shirt sits across from her, absorbed in his smartphone. Two cups of coffee and a sugar bowl are on the wooden table.

Excessive time spent on phones, social media, or gaming can be a form of avoidance. Instead of dealing with life or the problems of the relationship, they might create an emotional wall by burying themselves in the digital world. This type of avoidance gives them an easy distraction from the work of finding and implementing solutions. People with depression commonly use tech for escapism.

8. They neglect the relationship.

A man with a thoughtful expression leans on a gray couch with his arms crossed. In the background, a woman sits with her hand resting on her head, appearing concerned or pensive. Both are indoors in a softly lit room with light-colored walls.

People often stop putting in the effort when their feelings wane. There are no more meaningful conversations, date nights, or the small gestures of love that really communicate how much their partner is valued. Neglect often causes a relationship to stagnate and collapse over a long, slow stretch of time that is more painful than a direct conversation. Both partners get to watch it all slowly burn.

9. They sabotage communication.

A man and a woman sit on a couch indoors, both appearing upset. The man, looking at his phone, has a neutral expression, while the woman looks down with her arms crossed, seeming distressed. The background includes a white brick wall and a coffee table in front of them.

Poor communication is a form of self-sabotage. They may refuse to talk about emotions, avoid important conversations, or shut down during discussion. The lack of communication creates misunderstandings and unresolved issues that can fester until they are properly addressed. Of course, this willful sabotage can also cause irreparable damage to the relationship.

10. They purposefully foster jealousy.

A woman smiling in the foreground as a man looks back at her with surprise, while a woman with him looks annoyed. They are on a paved path in a park, surrounded by trees and colorful flowers.

Sometimes, people unconsciously create jealousy by bringing up past relationships or comparing their partners to others. They may engage in behaviors that create insecurity and suspicion to make their partner feel unimportant or unattractive. Some might even flirt with others in front of their partner, then brush it off like, “No, I wasn’t really flirting” when it is clear they were. That behavior destabilizes the relationship.

11. They focus too much on personal growth.

A person is reading a red book while reclining on a brown couch. They are wearing jeans and a brown sweater. In the foreground, there is a wooden round table with several books, one of which is open. The room has a cozy and relaxed atmosphere.

Personal growth is good and healthy. However, personal growth at the expense of the relationship may be one way the person is trying to create distance in the relationship. They may start neglecting the shared needs that exist in a relationship in favor of doing things like going to the gym, attending events by themselves, or spending money on self-help unexpectedly.

12. They emotionally check out of the relationship.

A young man with short brown hair looks serious and introspective, standing indoors in a well-lit room. In the background, a blonde woman in a green dress holds a glass of wine and looks in his direction, though distant and slightly out of focus.

Emotionally disengaging is arguably the most damaging self-sabotaging behavior. One partner is physically present but emotionally unavailable for real connection with the other. It’s an incredibly harmful, subtle thing that one person can do to another, so much so that it may get overlooked. It can be written off as “I’m just too tired to do or talk about that.” It makes one feel alone in a relationship where both partners are supposed to feel loved, welcomed, and safe.