8 Brutally Honest Reasons Why Someone Is Ignoring You On Purpose

Why might someone ignore you?

A woman with red hair is holding a red smartphone to her ear, looking to the side with a thoughtful expression. She is wearing a dark sweater, and the background is colorful and abstract.

Being ignored hurts. If you have a friend or a loved one who ignores you, you may feel that person does not care about your needs. Or perhaps it’s a work colleague who’s ignoring you, which is leaving you feeling upset and insecure.

There are many reasons someone might ignore you, not all of which are actually about you even though it feels that way. Then again, maybe you did do something to prompt it.

Let’s explore 8 of the most common reasons for being ignored to help you figure it out.

1. They are ignoring you as a punishment.

A man sits on the edge of a bed holding his head in his hand, looking distressed. In the background, a woman sits with arms crossed and appears upset. The setting is a bright bedroom with a wooden headboard.

This is called “the silent treatment,” and it falls within the scope of emotional abuse. The silent treatment is when someone purposefully punishes you with their silence for not complying with their demands.

So, let’s say you have an argument with a romantic partner about not doing the dishes, and then they go silent on you. They are trying to use social pressure to get you to change your opinion. They want you to feel uncomfortable and hope that your discomfort will be enough for you to bow to their demands (which is obviously not healthy).

The silent treatment should not be confused with just needing some time to calm down. Sometimes a person just needs some time to cool off after an argument before they can approach the situation rationally. And that’s fair.

Silence can be okay if it’s not used as a weapon.

2. They feel ashamed.

A young man with brown hair, wearing a blue and green checkered shirt, sits against a tufted white background. He holds a smartphone to his lips, looking thoughtful and concerned.

People don’t always handle their business well. The person ignoring you may have done you dirty, knows they did you dirty, and feels too ashamed of their actions to talk to you. Sometimes people just do dumb or short-sighted things that they regret later.

That’s a hard thing to face. You need to have some emotional maturity and acceptance for your own shortcomings to own the wrong decisions you make. Unfortunately, not everyone is that emotionally competent.

Consider your recent interactions with the person. Did they do something to you that has caused them to want to create some distance? Did they do something unreasonable or that you could interpret as wrong? If that’s the case, it may be shame causing them to pull away.

3. They don’t respect you.

A woman and a man are sitting at an outdoor table with a laptop and notebooks. They appear to be having a discussion. The setting is casual, with trees visible in the background.

Sometimes you may find yourself ignored and talked over in different settings. For example, you may be in the workplace and find that a coworker constantly interrupts you or dismisses what you have to say.

In situations like that, a lack of respect often drives that behavior. They may not respect or care what you have to say. That is unprofessional behavior. A professional will still strive to be civil with their coworkers, even if they don’t like or agree with them.

4. They may be ignoring you without realizing it.

A woman sits on a cluttered sofa, talking on the phone with a worried expression. She holds paperwork on her lap and a laptop nearby. Baby clothes and a pacifier are scattered around, indicating a busy home environment.

Not everyone who ignores you is acting maliciously. Sometimes people just get busy with their life. That may create distance between you that didn’t exist before.

Things will change, whether we want them to or not. New life circumstances may mean that you just need to accept that things have changed. They might have started a new job, gone back to school, taken up a new hobby, or found a romantic interest that is taking up more of their time.

And yes, maybe they found other friends they are currently spending time with. That happens too. That doesn’t mean they like you any less, just that they’ve got more people to fit in now.

5. They may be overwhelmed or stressed.

A woman in blue pajamas sits on a bed with her hands on her head, looking distressed. The room has white walls, a window, and a small bedside table with a bowl and a cup. Natural light illuminates the room.

Sometimes people ignore others not out of malice, but because they’re dealing with their own issues. They might be experiencing high levels of stress, anxiety, or depression that make it difficult to engage socially. In these cases, their silence isn’t about you at all.

Life can throw curveballs that consume all of our mental and emotional energy. Maybe they’re dealing with a family crisis, financial troubles, or health issues. When people are overwhelmed, they often retreat inward and may inadvertently push others away.

6. They might be trying to avoid a conflict.

A woman with a short, dark bob haircut and tattoos on her arms holds a smartphone to her ear. She is wearing a black t-shirt and standing outdoors with blurred buildings in the background, likely at sunset, as the light is soft and warm.

Some people have a deep-seated fear of confrontation. If they believe there’s tension or a potential disagreement between you, they might choose to avoid the situation entirely by ignoring you. This isn’t a mature way to handle problems, but it’s a common coping mechanism for those who struggle with conflict.

Conflict-avoidant people often worry that any disagreement will lead to a complete breakdown of the relationship. So instead of addressing issues head-on, they duck and hide, hoping the problem will magically disappear.

7. They might be trying to establish boundaries.

A young man sits on a brown couch in a relaxed home setting, leaning forward with his elbow on his knee and his hand covering his mouth in a thoughtful pose. He is wearing a light blue denim shirt over a gray t-shirt. The background features two framed pictures.

In some cases, a person might ignore you as a way of setting boundaries. Perhaps they feel you’ve been too demanding of their time and attention, or they’re trying to create some distance in the relationship. While it’s not the most effective way to communicate, it’s their attempt at regaining control over their personal space.

This doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t value your relationship. They might just need to rebalance things. Maybe they feel overwhelmed by the frequency of your communication or the depth of emotional engagement you’re seeking.

8. They are ghosting you.

A woman with long brown hair and a white sweater sits on a dark gray couch, looking intently at her smartphone. The background features potted plants, a kitchen counter with various items, and light gray walls.

Ghosting is not a new phenomenon.

“Well, dad went out for cigarettes 20 years ago and never came back.”

Honestly, it says more about the person ghosting than you. Sometimes ghosting is reasonable. For example, people may not feel safe trying to get away from a person. Many women have experienced threats or violence from rejecting a romantic advance. For their safety, they may ghost to prevent any severe blowback.

However, some people ghost because they wish to avoid experiencing uncomfortable feelings, don’t want to take responsibility for their choices, or don’t want to feel like the bad guy.

But for the purposes of this article, we’ll assume you’re not an unsafe person. You’re ghosted out of nowhere for a reason that you can’t figure out. It has nothing to do with you. The other person made a choice for their life, and they followed through on it. If they choose to ghost you, they aren’t meant for you.

Finally…

A woman in a striped shirt sits on a bench, holding a phone and looking thoughtful. The background shows a blurry cityscape with colorful lights at night, visible through a transparent barrier.

Being ignored hurts when it comes from someone you care about. It can cause a lot of physical and emotional distress that we shouldn’t really need to be subjected to. Unfortunately, people aren’t always the best at handling conflicts or making the right choices. They may choose to ignore you for weak reasons.

Understand that usually it will have nothing to do with you. Instead, it may just be the other person handling their own emotions or choices poorly.

Keep an eye out for maliciousness when someone chooses to ignore you. If they are malicious about it, then it’s not something you should tolerate or try to work out. You can’t fix other people. However, if the person just seems like they made a mistake or they’re doing it because they’re having a hard time, you can be a little more forgiving if you feel warranted.

It’s good to contemplate why it may have happened, but try to avoid jumping to solid conclusions. For example, you don’t want to convince yourself that it happened because of X reason when it was actually Z reason. That will just make the whole communication process harder than it needs to be.

Still, open communication is the easiest way to resolve this conflict. So try to get those lines of communication open to get it worked out.