People who are too independent for their own good display these 9 unhealthy traits

Isn’t independence healthy?

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Independence is a requirement to live a happy, healthy life. To be independent is to be self-sufficient and able to handle daily life activities. As an adult, no one will make you keep appointments, go grocery shopping, pay your bills, go to work, and do all the things you need to do to live your life.

Like most things, however, independence can be harmful when taken to an extreme.

Independence crosses over into hyper-independence when the act of self-reliance subtracts from your life, and you refuse to accept help even when you really need it.

Everyone has problems they cannot solve on their own, and sometimes we all need additional support to get through whatever it is we’re facing.

Hyper-independence is often a trauma response to betrayal, abandonment, or broken trust. For example, children with insecure home lives may develop hyper-independence because they grow up knowing they cannot trust adults.

Hyper-independence manifests in different ways from person to person. Some hyper-independence traits may be viewed in a positive light because they seem like positive qualities, even though they may harm the person. Here are 9 to look out for.

1. They are strong-willed.

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To be strong-willed is a symptom that many mistake as a positive trait in the context of hyper-independence. A strong will is a symptom that prevents the person from getting along with other people and forming relationships. They may not be willing to work with others and insist on always getting their way. On the other hand, a person with this symptom may be seen as highly competent and a hard worker because they will make unhealthy sacrifices to maintain their independence.

2. They constantly need to prove their independence.

A person holding a pen is looking at an open planner filled with colorful sticky notes and handwritten entries for the 28th and 29th of a month. The notes list various tasks and activities like meetings, yoga classes, and project deadlines.

This person may need to constantly prove to themselves and others that they are completely independent and able to do everything independently. As a result, they will sacrifice their well-being and may alienate others with a “See? I can do it all!” attitude.

3. They may constantly appear busy.

A man with glasses and gray hair works intently on a laptop at a table in a modern kitchen. He is wearing a blue sweater, and there is an open notebook with a pen nearby.

The hyper-independent person may always need to be on the move and doing something. Sometimes, they may try to appear busy all the time because they don’t want others to perceive them as needy or incompetent. But on the other hand, they may be workaholics or sacrifice personal relationships for professional goals.

4. They often experience stress and burnout.

A woman wearing a light blue blouse sits at a desk with her eyes closed, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration or fatigue. There are papers, a pencil, a laptop, and office supplies on the desk. The background shows a whiteboard with sticky notes.

Stress and burnout may follow the strong-willed, hyper-independent person. This person often takes on too many tasks and refuses to ask or accept help to complete them, even if they need it. The more of the load they pull onto their back, the greater their stress becomes, which can lead to physical and mental health problems. Burnout often follows.

5. They rarely work well with others.

A woman stands over two seated people visibly stressed with their hands on their foreheads. Another person is seen from behind holding an open folder or laptop. The setting appears to be an office with desks, plants, and a window in the background.

They will have difficulty delegating responsibility to other people or asking for help even when they need it. Suppose they are in a position of leadership. In that case, they may insist on doing the tasks their subordinates would otherwise be responsible for, further overburdening themselves. They will often not solicit or want to hear other opinions and want to be in control of group decision-making. They may feel that the only good ideas are theirs, and if not used, they may get angry or resentful.

6. They may mistrust others.

Two men in business attire work on laptops, sitting side by side. The man on the left seems to be looking sternly at the man on the right, who is focused on his laptop. They are in a well-lit office with a white brick wall in the background.

The hyper-independent person knows they cannot trust or rely on others. They may believe everyone else is out to harm or take advantage of them. That may translate to an unhealthy amount of secretiveness and withdrawal from social interaction altogether. It’s not unusual for the hyper-independent person to not engage or alienate people to prevent them from getting closer. They may avoid social engagements altogether.

7. They are often reserved in relationships.

A woman and a man sit on a stone ledge by a river, both wearing sunglasses. The woman in a black shirt faces the camera, while the man in a white shirt looks at her. Trees and a tall building are visible across the water.

Since this person does not feel they can fully trust others, they often will not open themselves up in relationships to show vulnerability. A lack of vulnerability prevents a person from forming honest, loving relationships because the other person does not truly know them. They will not want to let others into their inner emotional life. Thus, they appear detached, cold, and distant.

8. They have a strong dislike of neediness.

A woman with long red hair is sitting at a table in a cafe. She appears uncomfortable or upset as a man embraces her. Her hands are raised, and she is pressing her lips together. A cup and a plate are visible on the table.

Hyper-independent people may feel disgusted or resentful toward people that demonstrate neediness, particularly people who are needy of them. They may try to avoid helping or taking any responsibility for helping someone in need.

9. They are unable to sustain healthy, long-term relationships.

A man and woman sit at a restaurant table with unfinished food and drinks in front of them. The man has his head resting on one hand, appearing frustrated, while the woman looks away, seemingly upset. They are dressed in formal attire, and the ambiance is dimly lit.

All or some of these signs and symptoms will harm the person’s ability to have healthy relationships. They may have few friends or long-term relationships. They may flee relationships when they feel like they are forming an attachment.