If someone is staying in a relationship out of obligation, not love, they'll display these 14 signs

Is your relationship just going through the motions?

A thoughtful woman with long blonde hair rests her chin on her hand, looking to the side. She wears a light sweater. In the background, a person lies on a bed or sofa, blurred for depth.

Love is a complex emotion, but obligation? That’s a whole different beast. When someone stays in a relationship out of duty rather than genuine affection, the signs can be subtle yet telling. Recognizing these red flags early on can save both partners from prolonged unhappiness and wasted time. Let’s dive into the telltale signs that might indicate your partner is sticking around for all the wrong reasons.

1. They avoid spending quality time together.

A woman in an office is illuminated by a computer screen while holding a smartphone. She is seated at a desk with a keyboard, coffee cup, and stationery. The background shows city lights through a window, indicating nighttime.

Remember when you couldn’t wait to spend time together? Now, your partner seems to be inventing reasons to be apart. They work late more often, pick up new hobbies that don’t include you, or suddenly have a packed social calendar that leaves little room for couple time.

When you do manage to carve out time together, they might be physically present but mentally checked out. Their attention is constantly divided, with one eye on their phone or mind wandering to other tasks. The quality of your time together diminishes, leaving you feeling lonely even when you’re in the same room.

2. They find their partner increasingly annoying.

A woman in a yellow dress and a man in a green shirt are sitting at a kitchen table with glasses and a jug of juice. The woman is speaking with her hands raised, and the man is attentively listening. The kitchen is bright with natural light and rustic decor.

Suddenly, everything you do seems to irritate them. Your quirks, once endearing, are now constant sources of annoyance. They complain about how you load the dishwasher, the way you laugh, or even how you breathe. These gripes aren’t constructive criticisms aimed at improving your relationship; they’re symptoms of growing resentment.

You might notice they vent to friends about you more often, airing your dirty laundry in public. When speaking about you, their tone becomes increasingly negative, peppered with eye rolls and exasperated sighs.

3. Physical intimacy becomes minimal or non-existent.

An elderly couple with gray hair is sitting on a couch. The man, wearing glasses and a blue shirt, is embracing the woman, who is wearing a gray sweater and a collared shirt. They are surrounded by soft striped pillows.

Gone are the days of stolen kisses and lingering touches. When obligation replaces love, physical affection often takes a nosedive. Your partner might start to shy away from your embraces or offer only perfunctory pecks on the cheek. Intimate moments become fewer and farther between, with your partner often finding excuses to avoid them altogether.

But it’s not just about the bedroom action. The little gestures of affection – holding hands while walking, cuddling on the couch during movie night, or a comforting hug after a tough day – start to disappear. Your once touchy-feely partner now maintains a physical distance that feels more like a chasm.

4. Communication becomes strictly functional.

A woman and a man, both wearing sunglasses and white shirts, walk side by side on a sunny day. They are on a sidewalk with blurred buildings and trees in the background.

Gone are the days of deep, meandering conversations that lasted well into the night. Now, your exchanges have all the warmth and depth of a grocery list. Communication becomes purely functional – discussing bills, schedules, and household chores. The playful banter and inside jokes that once characterized your relationship have vanished.

You might notice they no longer share their thoughts or feelings spontaneously. Getting them to open up feels like pulling teeth; when they speak, their responses are short and to the point. This shift from open, heartfelt communication to bare-bones exchanges is a clear sign that emotional intimacy is waning. They’re no longer invested in connecting with you on a deeper level, treating the relationship more like a business arrangement than a loving partnership.

5. They feel relieved when they are apart from their partner.

A woman with long blonde hair gazes thoughtfully out of a train window, resting her hands on the ledge. The blurred landscape outside suggests motion, with greenery visible in the background. The light is soft and natural, conveying a serene atmosphere.

Pay attention to their demeanor when you’re reunited after time apart. Do they light up with joy, or do you sense a hint of disappointment? When obligation replaces love, your partner might start feeling relief rather than excitement when you’re not around.

This relief isn’t about healthy independence. It’s a sign that your presence has become a source of stress or discomfort for them. They might return from time apart seeming more relaxed and upbeat, only to gradually become tense and withdrawn as they settle back into couple life. This pattern indicates that they’re finding more peace and happiness outside the relationship than within it.

6. They make minimal or no effort to resolve conflict.

A woman and a man are sitting on a couch in a living room, engaged in a heated discussion. The woman gestures with her hands, looking frustrated, while the man, with crossed arms and an incredulous expression, responds defensively.

Healthy relationships require work, especially when it comes to resolving conflicts. But when someone’s heart isn’t in it anymore, that effort disappears. Your partner might start avoiding confrontations altogether or give in too easily just to end the discussion. They no longer fight for the relationship or try to find mutually satisfying solutions.

Arguments become repetitive, with no real progress or resolution. You might notice they use dismissive phrases like “whatever you say” or “fine, have it your way” to cut conversations short. This apathy towards conflict resolution stems from a deeper apathy towards the relationship itself. Subconsciously, they don’t see a future worth fighting for.

7. They show a decreased interest in their partner’s life and achievements.

A man with a laptop sits on a couch, focused on typing. A woman next to him, looking distressed, rests her head on her hand. The room has plants and shelves in the background, creating a cozy setting. Both appear to be casually dressed.

Once upon a time, your partner was your biggest cheerleader. Now, they barely muster a lukewarm “congrats” when you share good news. This lack of interest extends beyond just your achievements. They stop asking about your day, your friends, or your hobbies. Your stories are met with distracted nods or quick changes of subject.

This disinterest isn’t just about being busy or preoccupied. It’s a sign that they’re emotionally checking out of the relationship. They’re no longer invested in your growth or happiness because they’ve already begun to separate their life from yours in their mind.

8. They also have a decreased desire to share about their own life and achievements.

A man and woman sit apart on a couch, each facing away from the other with distant expressions. The room has a light, airy feel with a large window and green plants in the background. A round wooden table is in the foreground.

Just as they show less interest in your life, you might notice your partner becoming increasingly tight-lipped about their own experiences and accomplishments. They no longer rush to tell you about their day or share exciting news. Important events or decisions are made without your input or knowledge.

By keeping you out of the loop, they’re subconsciously preparing for a life separate from you. You might find yourself learning about significant events in their life through social media or mutual friends rather than directly from them. This breakdown in sharing is a clear indicator that they no longer see you as their primary confidant and partner.

9. They are emotionally detached during important moments or significant milestones.

A woman in a red dress smiles while talking on her cellphone during a candlelit dinner. A man in a white shirt sits beside her, looking bored and holding a glass of red wine. A bouquet of red roses and more wine are on the table, set against a city night backdrop.

Life is full of highs and lows, and partners typically weather these together. However, you might notice your significant other becoming increasingly absent during crucial moments. They might offer a perfunctory “there, there” when you’re upset instead of providing genuine comfort. During celebrations, their enthusiasm feels forced or non-existent.

This emotional absence is particularly noticeable during milestones that should bring you closer together. They might seem disengaged during anniversaries, birthdays, or family events. Their responses become robotic, lacking the warmth and connection you once shared.

10. They prioritize other relationships or activities.

Three men are sitting at a bar, raising their glasses for a cheers. They are dressed casually and appear to be enjoying their time together. There is a wooden bar counter and some background patrons blurred out.

Suddenly, everyone and everything seems more important than you. Your partner starts prioritizing friends, family, work, or hobbies over your relationship. They’ll bend over backward to accommodate others but struggle to make time for you. Weekend plans with you get canceled last minute for impromptu outings with friends.

This shift in priorities isn’t about having a balanced life. It’s a clear indication that they’re seeking fulfillment elsewhere, unable to find it in your relationship anymore. This behavior often stems from a subconscious desire to create emotional distance, making it easier to eventually break away.

11. They are reluctant to compromise or make sacrifices.

A man and a woman are sitting at a kitchen table with a laptop and documents. They appear to be having a serious discussion. A coffee pot and cup are on the table. The kitchen is modern with open shelves.

Relationships thrive on give and take, but when love fades, so does the willingness to compromise. Your partner might start digging their heels in on every decision, refusing to budge even on small issues. They prioritize their own needs and wants without considering yours.

This reluctance extends to making sacrifices for the relationship. They balk at the idea of adjusting their schedule for you or giving up something they want for the good of the partnership. You might find yourself constantly bending to their will to avoid conflict.

12. They seek constant validation from outside the relationship.

A woman is lying in bed at night, using her smartphone which is illuminating her face. She appears focused on the screen. Beside her, another person is lying down, facing away and seemingly asleep. They are under white bedcovers.

When someone stays in a relationship out of obligation, they often look elsewhere for the emotional fulfillment they’re missing. You might notice your partner seeking excessive validation from friends, colleagues, or even strangers on social media. They crave compliments and attention from others, seemingly more concerned with how they’re perceived outside the relationship than within it.

They might flirt more openly, share personal details with others that they don’t share with you, or constantly seek reassurance about their attractiveness or worth from external sources.

13. They have difficulty expressing genuine affection or appreciation.

A woman with short blonde hair sits pensively on a bed, resting her chin on her hands. In the background, a man in a white shirt sits with his hand on his forehead, appearing distressed. The scene suggests tension or a serious conversation.

Expressions of love and appreciation should come naturally in a healthy relationship. However, when someone’s heart isn’t truly in it, these gestures become forced or non-existent. You might notice your partner struggling to say “I love you” or express gratitude for your efforts. When they do, it feels hollow or routine, lacking the warmth and sincerity it once had.

Compliments become rare, and when given, they sound more like obligations than genuine appreciation. This struggle to express affection is often a sign that the emotional connection has weakened, leaving them unable to authentically convey feelings they no longer strongly experience.

14. There is a distinct lack of enthusiasm for future plans.

A woman with long blonde hair in a white tank top and a man with a beard in a plaid shirt are standing in a kitchen, holding white mugs. The kitchen has white cabinets and a tiled backsplash. They appear to be engaged in a conversation.

Was there a time when you used to spend hours dreaming up wild adventures together? Those days might be long gone if your partner is staying out of obligation. Instead of excitement, you’ll notice a distinct lack of enthusiasm when discussing future plans. They might shrug off conversations about next year’s vacation or dodge questions about where you’ll be in five years. Their responses become vague and noncommittal, leaving you feeling like you’re planning solo.

This apathy isn’t limited to big life decisions. Even small plans, like next weekend’s dinner date, might be met with a lukewarm “whatever you want” attitude. It’s as if they’re afraid to commit to anything beyond the immediate present, subconsciously knowing they don’t see a long-term future with you.