Loneliness In Childhood Is Often Revealed By These 12 Behaviors In Adults

Prolonged loneliness as a child can cause all sorts of issues in adulthood.

A young woman with dark hair in two buns sits on outdoor steps, wearing a pastel pink shirt. She appears thoughtful and relaxed, with a glass building in the blurred background.

Loneliness in childhood can cause long-lasting damage to a person’s psyche. It interferes with emotional and social development, and can cause people life-long insecurity, anxiety, and more. Those who were terribly lonely during their formative years often exhibit the following behaviors in adulthood.

1. A preference for online/distance friendships and relationships.

A person with shoulder-length hair sits on the floor in a dimly lit room, leaning forward and staring intently at a laptop. They rest their head on one hand and appear focused, illuminated by the screen's light against a brick wall background.

Many people who were isolated by their peers as children choose to have online relationships and friendships because they can maintain the illusion of being the ideal versions of themselves at a safe distance. Their perceived flaws and inadequacies are much easier to cover up from afar, rather than in person.

2. Clinginess.

A couple embraces on a sunlit beach. The man, wearing a striped shirt, sunglasses, and a hat, smiles while holding his hat. The woman stands behind him, resting her head on his shoulder with her arms around him, smiling softly. The beach and buildings are blurred in the background.

Since childhood loneliness can lead to anxiety and depressive disorders in adulthood [1], many people who experienced intense loneliness in their youth cling to those who allow them to get close. This needy grasping can be overwhelming to those around them, resulting in ostracization and repeated experiences of rejection and isolation.

3. Need for constant distraction or stimuli.

A hand holding a TV remote points towards a television displaying a blurred image of a colorful outdoor scene, possibly a race or parade, with people and banners on the screen.

A lot of people are uncomfortable with solitude, and thus distract themselves by constantly having a TV on or music playing. Some may seek out extra stimuli such as playing on their phone while watching movies, and may even sleep with the TV on to avoid being alone with their own thoughts.

4. Extreme social anxiety.

A man with glasses and a beard is standing by a window, looking outside. He is wearing a gray sweater over a collared shirt. Natural light is illuminating his face, creating a thoughtful expression. The background shows a blurred view of trees and outdoor scenery.

Having experienced childhood loneliness can make a person hypersensitive to social rejection. As a result, they may suffer from severe social anxiety: they’ll agonize over how others perceive them, and try to be the most acceptable and ideal versions of themselves so they won’t be rejected, criticized, or bullied—even by complete strangers.

5. Difficulty establishing and defending personal boundaries.

A woman with long, green braids and glasses sits against a green wall. She is wearing a patterned top and denim overalls. The lighting casts a bright shadow on the wall, highlighting her contemplative expression.

When and if adults who experienced childhood loneliness do cultivate friendships or romantic relationships, they’re often terrified of being rejected again. As a result, they may tolerate behaviors or actions towards them that make them uncomfortable because they’re afraid of losing the only people they have in their lives.

6. Escapism.

A person sits on an open book that seamlessly blends into a grassy landscape. They face a vast valley with distant mountains under a dramatic sunset sky, symbolizing the connection between nature and literature.

Kids who don’t have many friends find ways to entertain themselves while simultaneously escaping from the pain of isolation and exclusion. As adults, they may still gravitate towards things like fantasy books and films, or computer games in which they can experience existence as characters that are very different from themselves.

7. Over-attachment to material possessions.

A person holds a magnifying glass over a U.S. silver coin featuring an eagle emblem. The scene includes an assortment of coins in an album in the background.

Lonely children have a tendency to become collectors, filling the space created by an absence of friends with material items. As adults, they may have different collections (or even become hoarders), experiencing a sense of security and fulfillment from surrounding themselves with “stuff” that won’t abandon them or be taken from them.

8. Hypervigilance about potential rejection/abandonment.

Close-up of a man in the foreground resting his chin on his hand, appearing deep in thought or concerned. In the blurred background, a woman is visible, looking at him with a worried expression and resting her head on her hand. Both people look serious.

They may have difficulty feeling secure in any of their relationships, and are hypervigilant to any signs that they may be abandoned by those close to them. Some might even run away from relationships if there’s any hint of potential abandonment—essentially ending things on their own terms, rather than risking getting hurt.

9. Obsessive perfectionist behaviors.

A person lying on grass measures its height with a ruler while precisely trimming it with scissors. The close-up view emphasizes attention to detail and meticulousness.

Adults who felt rejected and lonely in childhood may cultivate perfectionist tendencies, resulting in eating disorders, obsessive exercise, or workaholism. This is often the case if they filled their lonely lives with activities or pursuits that required intense dedication and focus in their youth.

10. Excessive need for external validation and praise.

Three people are sitting at a table in a meeting. One person on the left is holding a tablet, while a person in the middle wearing a brown jacket talks. The person on the right is listening attentively. The background is red with some plants visible.

If they didn’t receive recognition from their peers and caregivers as children, they may have felt that they weren’t “good enough”, and thus need a great deal of recognition and praise in adulthood. They require continual accolades to have any sense of self-worth.

11. Substance abuse.

A man in a white shirt is sitting in a bar with several glass mugs of beer on the table in front of him. He is smiling, looking to his left, and raising his right hand as if waving or signaling. The background features a bar with various bottles.

Some people who were terribly lonely as children found different ways to self-soothe, since they had nobody else to talk to or comfort them. Once those techniques are no longer effective, however, they may seek out other avenues. Many choose to numb their feelings of grief, anxiety, and inadequacy with alcohol or drugs.

12. Self-soothing with overeating.

A man in a white t-shirt stands against a bright red background, holding a hamburger in one hand and wiping his mouth with the other. He has food stains on his shirt and an expression of delight while eating.

Some lonely children become lonely as a result of ostracization due to their weight. This creates a vicious cycle inasmuch as overweight, excluded children often self-soothe their loneliness by eating—especially unhealthy comfort foods—leading to greater weight gain. This behavior often extends into adulthood, leading to lifelong loneliness for many.

References:

1. Xerxa, Y., Rescorla, L. A., Shanahan, L., Tiemeier, H., & Copeland, W. E. (2023). Childhood loneliness as a specific risk factor for adult psychiatric disorders. Psychological Medicine, 53(1), 227–235. doi:10.1017/S0033291721001422