If you're mistaking infatuation for love, you'll see these 11 signs in your relationship

Love and infatuation are not the same thing.

A close-up of a couple embracing. The woman, with long blonde hair and a serene expression, stands in the foreground, while the man wraps his arms around her from behind. Both are wearing casual clothing. The background is softly blurred.

Love and infatuation are similar in some ways, but when you strip them back, they’re very different things. They’re both strong emotions that you feel toward another person, and it can be easy to confuse them.

But the nature of these emotions is not the same thing at all.

Simply put, being infatuated is being in that temporary state that most of us are familiar with when we’re totally swept away by our feelings. And those feelings may or may not be reciprocated.

Now, don’t get me wrong, infatuation definitely isn’t always a bad thing. If you accept it for what it is and don’t convince yourself you’re in love, then it can be a wonderful, thrilling, intense experience that you’ll look back on slightly in disbelief once it’s over.

It’s only when the line between love and infatuation becomes blurred that things can get complicated.

If you’re struggling to figure out whether what you or your partner are feeling is the real deal, here are 11 signs that it’s not.

1. Not being able to think about anything (or anyone) else.

A woman with long black hair sits at an outdoor café, resting her head on her hand and smiling thoughtfully. She wears a grey sweater and a watch. In front of her is a white cup and a slice of chocolate cake. The background is blurred with greenery and other patrons.

Infatuation is all about the present moment.

You need your fix of that person right now. They’re all you can think about.

You get anxious when they don’t respond to your messages right away.

It’s all very intense.

Love, on the other hand, means you trust, and you can relax, knowing that a night or a week apart isn’t the end of the world.

You don’t need their attention right this minute. You’re not entirely focused on the here and now, but looking forward to a future together.

2. Feelings that can change on a whim.

A woman and a man sit on a stone ledge by a river, both wearing sunglasses. The woman in a black shirt faces the camera, while the man in a white shirt looks at her. Trees and a tall building are visible across the water.

If you’re simply infatuated with someone, that feeling can switch off from one day or one moment to the next.

Something they do or say can suddenly kill the desire you feel for them.

Love can’t be broken that easily.

Sure, there will always be issues to work through, but you’re committed to putting in the necessary effort, and your feelings can’t be turned off like a tap.

3. Reckless behavior that’s out of the ordinary.

Two people are enjoying a drive in a convertible car. The sun is shining brightly, casting a warm glow on them. The person on the left, wearing a striped shirt, is driving, while the person on the right, with long hair, is smiling and raising their hand in joy.

Infatuation can lead you to behave in ways that, in your right mind, would never even occur to you.

You make reckless, spur of the moment decisions, and everything can seem like it’s make or break.

Love is calmer. It doesn’t decide things on a whim. It takes time to make decisions, and is willing to slowly work toward a solution.

4. Selfishness, rather than selflessness.

A man with short brown hair and a white shirt stands outdoors with his arms open, appearing to speak to a woman with long, blonde hair facing away from the camera. They are in a park-like setting, with trees and greenery in the background.

When you’re infatuated with someone, although it might seem like you’re obsessed with them, it’s actually all about you.

You want them to fulfil your needs and desires.

When you love someone, their needs are just as important as your own.

You consider their feelings before you act.

5. A constant rollercoaster of emotions.

A couple stands in a warm embrace in a sunlit field. The man gently touches the woman's hair as they close their eyes and lean in close. The setting sun casts a golden glow, creating a romantic and serene atmosphere.

Being infatuated with someone can be pretty thrilling.

It’s a constant rollercoaster of emotions, and you never know when the highs and lows are coming.

You can feel utterly blissful, and then, five minutes later, utterly empty.

Love, on the other hand, shouldn’t be about high and lows.

Some people miss the thrill of infatuation when they’re in a stable relationship, but most of us learn to value the wonderful contentment and stability of true love.

6. A level of intensity that is unsustainable.

A couple lies on a bed, facing each other and smiling. The man has a beard and is wearing a gray shirt, while the woman, who has blonde hair, is in a black top. They are embracing each other lovingly.

Infatuation can hit you out of nowhere and become instantly all-consuming. It can last for a while, but it isn’t something you can sustain forever.

Love doesn’t have to last forever for it to be real. People can change.

But if you grow together, you may find that you love each other more and more as the years go by.

7. Irrational jealousy.

A man in a white t-shirt and plaid pajama pants sits on a bed engrossed in his smartphone. Behind him, a woman in a casual dress sits with her knees drawn up, looking at him with a neutral expression. The room is softly lit by sunlight streaming through the window blinds.

This won’t always be true, but generally, people who are experiencing infatuation will feel pangs of jealousy.

Love should be based on trust, meaning there shouldn’t be room for jealousy between two people who genuinely love one another.

8. Intense physical attraction, with not much else to bond over.

A man and woman lie in bed together under grey blankets, both wearing white shirts. They face each other, the woman smiling softly while the man gazes at her. The background is dark blue with a nightstand visible. The atmosphere appears calm and intimate.

Sometimes, you can’t quite explain why you fall for someone. But, generally, infatuation will start as a physical attraction, and may not develop beyond that.

Love, on the other hand, will involve some degree of physical attraction, but it’s the emotional and intellectual compatibility between you that will cause your bond to develop.

9. Feelings that weaken when you spend prolonged time apart.

A man and woman stand close together at a train station, looking into each other's eyes. The man wears a brown jacket and a black backpack, while the woman is dressed in a light blue coat. They appear to be enjoying a tender moment amidst the busy setting.

If you’re separated from the person you’re infatuated with, spending time apart and being a long distance from one another can mean those feelings weaken, or die out altogether.

It can be extremely upsetting when you first say goodbye, but you gradually forget about it and your mind moves on to other things.

In contrast, if it’s real love, then absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Feelings won’t fade; they will strengthen and develop.

10. The relationship brings out the worst in one, or both, of you.

A woman with long blonde hair sits at a table in a coffee shop, looking stressed and resting her temples on her hands. She appears to be in a serious conversation with a man, who is facing away from the camera. Blurred background of the cafe interior.

Think back on times you’ve been infatuated in the past. Have you ever done something you’re not proud of?

Did you read their text messages or emails?

Did you abandon all your friends so you could spend all of your time with the person?

Did you start neglecting your work?

Whereas infatuation can make you act in ways that go against your better judgment, if you’re in love, then that person brings out the best in you.

You think they’re pretty wonderful and you want to be worthy of their love, and they give you the strength you need to be the best version of yourself.

11. Emotionally immaturity.

A young couple gazes at each other while standing close, embracing lovingly. The man, wearing sunglasses and a beige blazer, looks at the woman, who is dressed in a white top. The clear blue sky with a few clouds serves as the background.

This is a generalization, and one can become infatuated at any age, but the overpowering feelings we feel as teenagers don’t often develop into true love.

We become obsessed with someone and they become the center of our world.

If you become infatuated with someone in later life, it can feel like you’re right back in high school, not knowing what to do or say, and not being able to think about anything else.

But, as we get older, it’s more likely that, provided that they’re the right person, infatuation will develop into love, rather than burning out.

Finally…

If there’s someone special in your life right now and you’re trying to put your finger on exactly what it is you’re feeling for them, you’re sure to have recognized your relationship in some of the points above.

The most important thing is to be honest with yourself. Listen to your gut, and trust it.

You can have a lot of fun when you’re infatuated with someone, and you can learn a lot about yourself…

…but if that’s what you’re feeling, you shouldn’t get your hopes up too much about the relationship or make big plans for the future.

Just enjoy it whilst it lasts.

You never know what might happen if you take things slowly. It could develop into a loving, healthy relationship, but it might not.

It’s always best to protect yourself from potential heartbreak until you genuinely believe it might go somewhere.

If you still can’t figure out what it is you’re feeling, then a little time apart from the object of your affection should tell you everything you need to know.