How To Handle A Friendship You No Longer Enjoy: 10 Steps You Need To Take

What To Do If You Don’t Like Your Friend(s) Anymore

Two women are sitting on a sofa having a conversation. One woman, with red hair, gestures as she speaks, while the other woman, with long dark hair, listens with her back to the camera. They are in a bright room with white curtains.

Sometimes we keep friends in our lives out of obligation, rather than enjoyment. Unlike romantic relationships, friendships can be hard to end once they’ve run their course. Instead, we keep them going when they bring us no joy, or we try to phase them out by canceling plans last minute and “forgetting” to reply to messages for weeks on end. But this is no way to live for either party concerned. If you’re in this difficult situation, here are some things to try:

1. Adjust your friendships to suit your current needs.

Two women sit at a wooden table in a cafe, engaging in an animated conversation. One woman has red hair and wears a white blazer, while the other has dark hair tied up and wears a black blazer. Each has a small cup of coffee in front of them beside a laptop.

People change over time, and so do their needs. It’s possible that your friendship no longer fits your current lifestyle or goals and that’s why you’re not enjoying it. Instead of completely cutting ties, try adjusting the nature of your relationship and see if that improves things.

For instance, if you find yourself constantly drained after hanging out, suggest low-key activities and/or shorter meetups. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, reduce the frequency of your interactions.

Be honest about your needs and limitations. Maybe you can’t be available as much as you were before, but you can still maintain a meaningful connection with less frequent, more intentional interactions if that’s what you want. A good friendship should be flexible enough to accommodate changes in both people’s lives.

2. Try new things with your friends.

Two men wearing black wetsuits stand on a beach, each holding a surfboard. The man in the foreground has a yellow and white surfboard and is smiling while running his hand through his hair. The man behind him is also smiling, holding a red and white surfboard.

What if your friendship simply became boring? Before phasing it out, see if you can make things fun again by having new experiences together. Find common ground and maybe even a hobby that you can practice together.

It’s important that you have similar interests, so see if there are some that you are both passionate about. These could be things that you’ve never tried before, so feel free to experiment with different things.

Interests change over time, so don’t worry if you and your friends seem too different now. You can find things that you both enjoy. Try new things together, and it will be a fun process that hopefully leads to something in common.

3. Learn to say “no” and set boundaries.

A woman with long dark hair, wearing glasses and a checkered blazer, is talking on a smartphone outdoors. She is surrounded by lush, green hanging plants and appears to be smiling. A gold wristwatch is visible on her left hand.

If you always end up doing things that you don’t want to do, you must learn to say “no” to your friends.

For instance, maybe you are trying to focus on school or work, but your friends keep inviting you to parties and you always end up staying late and running behind on your tasks.

Peer pressure can be powerful, but you must learn to say “no” to people and set clear boundaries. If you’ve never communicated your boundaries to your friends, then it makes sense that they push your limits.

Communicate clearly what you can and can’t tolerate in a friendship. Make sure to also stick to your boundaries and go through with what you threaten with.

So, for example, if you told your friend that you’ll stop talking to them if they betray your trust again, actually cut all contact if they do it, at least for a while.

4. Help your friends understand you better.

Two women are sitting on a beige sofa in a bright room with large windows and potted plants. Both are dressed in white. The woman on the right is gesturing animatedly with her hands, while the woman on the left listens attentively, leaning forward.

Maybe you feel like your friends don’t really get you. If you want to keep being friends with them, help them understand you.

Open up to them and share your thoughts. Talk about the way you feel and let them into your world. If something about them bothers you, find a gentle way to let them know about it.

You should try to understand where they’re coming from too. Try to see things from their point of view, because it could explain why they mistreated you.

Hash things out with them through calm and open communication and be honest with each other about the way you feel.

5. Challenge negative thoughts.

Two young men are smiling at each other while standing outdoors in a city. They are clasping hands in a friendly greeting. One is wearing a peach-colored t-shirt, and the other has on a white t-shirt. Buildings and a blue sky are visible in the background.

When you start thinking negatively about your friends, ask yourself if your thoughts are even true.

Are they that bad? Do you really dislike them? If so, end the friendship. You can’t be friends with some you don’t actually like.

But you might be focusing too much on the negative and seeing everything in black and white. Just because someone does a bad thing doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re a bad person.

Stop yourself from thinking that everyone will betray you if that’s what your friends have done in the past. Remember that true friends do exist.

If you start thinking negatively, challenge your thoughts by asking yourself whether there’s any proof for what you’re thinking.

6. Focus on their positive traits.

Two women are seen embracing on a couch. One woman is crying and holding a tissue to her nose while being comforted by the other woman. The comforting woman has her arm wrapped around the crying woman, providing support and solace.

What are some of your friend’s positive traits? Remind yourself of every time they were there for you or helped you with something. Think about all the fun moments you shared when you laughed together. Remind yourself of everything you’ve been through together and of all the experiences you’ve shared.

Are things still that bad?

Try to focus on the positive. For instance, maybe your friend is rude to the waiter, but they are kind to you. Maybe they are terrible at keeping secrets, but you have amazing adventures with them. Surely there are things about them that make you want to love them again. If not, consider ending the friendship.

7. Take some distance.

A woman smiles while sitting at a kitchen table, resting her head on her hand and holding a cup. Two other blurred figures are present, suggesting a casual gathering. The background shows a modern, bright kitchen.

It’s okay to take some distance from your friends until you decide what you want to do. Take all the time and space that you need. Let them know that you require some space, or slowly start distancing yourself from them.

This could be as simple as not initiating contact anymore. You can still talk to them and even see them, but don’t be the first one to initiate anything. Slowly distance yourself by doing this and spending less time with them.

8. See who misses you.

Two women sit at a wooden table, both smiling and holding white mugs. One wears a yellow sweater, the other a green one. A smartphone rests on the table between them. The background features brick walls and warm indoor lighting.

Once you stopped initiating things, did anyone miss you? Did they contact you instead, or did they forget about you entirely? This is worth considering when deciding what to do next.

If you have good friends, they will not only initiate contact, but they’ll also ask you what has been going on so that you can open up to them.

Fake friends won’t notice that you’ve stopped talking, and they’ll get in touch only when they need something.

9. End some friendships.

Two young women are sitting outdoors on wicker chairs, engaged in a conversation. One is wearing a white blouse and black hat, while the other is in a floral dress with a straw hat. They appear calm and focused on each other, with a leafy background behind them.

Now you’ve worked through some of the advice in this article, decide whether you are ready to end some friendships. As we’ve said, you can’t be friends with someone you don’t like. Unless you overcome this, you will have to end these friendships. Don’t stick to your old crowd purely because you’ve known each other for a long time.

If these friendships no longer work for you, it’s okay to let go and move on. Don’t forget that you can always reconnect with old friends after a while, and sometimes people just need time to process their feelings.

10. Make new friends.

A group of five people casually talking and enjoying drinks on an outdoor terrace. They appear to be relaxed, with some smiling and holding glasses. The background includes a view of the landscape, featuring greenery and a body of water.

Whether you decide to end these friendships, or not, try to make new friends too. Be open to new people and engage in activities where you can meet people who share your interests and core values.

Start a new hobby or learn something new that interests you. Expand your social circle and only hang out with those you care about.