If you can't answer "yes" to these 12 things, you're not ready for a relationship

You think you’re ready for a relationship, but are you really?

A woman with long dark hair smiles as a man with short hair kisses her forehead. They are outdoors with a blurred green leafy background, suggesting a park or garden setting. The woman is wearing a denim jacket.

If you’re reading this, then chances are you’ve had some emotional upheaval in the not-too-distant past. Maybe you broke up with someone fairly recently. Perhaps you lost someone you loved, or you’ve had some trauma in your life that has left you struggling when it comes to finding, making and maintaining healthy and meaningful connections.

Whatever has happened, it’s important to realize that a relationship is unlikely to work out unless you’re in the right headspace for it. Getting into a relationship when you’re not actually ready for one won’t “fix” you and rarely ends well.

So how do you know if you’re truly ready? Well, whilst this isn’t an exhaustive list, unless you answer “yes” to all of the points below, it’s probably a sign that you’re not quite ready to welcome someone new into your life, and you still have some work to do on yourself first.

1. You’ve stopped desperately looking.

Close-up of a hand holding a smartphone displaying a dating app. A person's profile photo with hearts is visible on the screen, while the thumb is about to swipe right on the heart icon to show interest.

I’m sure you’re fed up of hearing this, but there’s a lot of truth to the idea that the right person sometimes comes along just when you’ve stopped obsessively looking for them.

If you’ve stopped looking it means you’re happy on your own, which is a good place to be because it means you’re not looking for someone else to complete you.

2. You’re happy on your own, literally and figuratively.

A woman with curly hair stands on a beach at sunset, smiling and holding the collar of her blue hoodie. The sun is low on the horizon, casting a warm, golden light and creating a serene atmosphere. The ocean and sandy shore are visible in the background.

Your own company is enough for you. You’re happy in your current state of singleness, and okay spending time on your own, literally.

You can spend time chilling on your own quite happily, and you don’t panic if you find yourself with no plans on a Friday night.

If you didn’t find a romantic partner to share your life with any time soon, you’d be okay with that.

3. You won’t settle for someone who doesn’t treat you how you deserve to be treated.

A man and a woman are having an intense argument in a living room. The man, standing and dressed in a blue shirt, is raising his hand and appears frustrated. The woman, sitting on a couch and wearing a gray shirt, is gesturing back at him, looking upset.

Someone who’s ready for a relationship is someone who won’t accept anything less than the best. If you’re ready for love, you know your worth.

You know you’re prepared to give your all, and you won’t settle for anyone who won’t reciprocate that.

You’re holding out for something amazing (but realistic), no matter how long it takes.

4. You’re open to meeting people who aren’t necessarily your ‘type.’

A woman with red hair, wearing a white blouse, smiles warmly at a man with short hair and a beard, dressed in a striped shirt. The interaction appears friendly and engaging, with a sunny background adding a cheerful ambiance.

If you’re sticking very closely to ideas of what you think your ideal partner would look or be like, and are very close-minded about expanding your pool, it might indicate that you’re not yet ready for love.

But if you’re willing to open yourself up to people who are a bit different in your search for love, that’s an excellent sign.

5. You’re past the rebound phase.

A man sits on a sofa, holding a framed photo with a thoughtful and concerned expression. His left hand partially covers his mouth as he looks into the distance. The background shows shelves with decorative items and books.

It’s not true that all relationships beginning when you’re ‘on the rebound’ are likely to fail. But if you do get into a relationship when you’re still rebounding from another one, you need to accept that it will take huge amounts of patience and effort for things to work with your new love interest.

You can never predict when the right person is going to walk into your life, but if you’re still smarting from a previous relationship, you should try to avoid getting into anything serious with someone new.

If you do meet someone, you need to take things slowly.

But if those feelings have faded, it might be time. For some people that might take weeks, for some months, and some could still be said to be on the rebound even a year on.

You’ll know deep down whether you’re past the rebound phase.

6. You can think of your ex (if you have one) without anger.

A man with a beard is sitting on a sofa, angrily burning a photo with a lighter. The photo shows a smiling couple. The background is dark and slightly out of focus, emphasizing the man's expression and actions.

If you’ve recently been broken up with or your ex-partner did something that led to the demise of the relationship, you’ll have probably experienced quite a lot of anger toward them.

You’ll know that you’re ready to move on when those feelings of anger start to fade to something more approaching indifference. No one’s expecting you to be happy about what happened, but you should be able to think about what your ex did and how it all ended without your blood boiling.

If you’ve reached a stage of acceptance, you might be ready for a new relationship.

7. You’re willing to take a risk.

A person dressed in white sits at a table with a salad in front of them, while another person pours red wine into their glass. The setting appears to be a modern, well-lit restaurant with wooden shelves and minimalist decor in the background.

Falling in love is always risky. After all, there are no guarantees in life. Being in a relationship is about accepting that anything might happen, and that you might get hurt.

If you’re okay with that, you might be ready for the kind of intimacy and vulnerability a relationship involves.

8. You’re interested in more than just one thing.

A couple lies on a bed, facing each other and smiling. The man has a beard and is wearing a gray shirt, while the woman, who has blonde hair, is in a black top. They are embracing each other lovingly.

When you meet new love interests, you’re not just thinking about the physical attraction you feel toward them.

You want to get to know the person underneath all that. Sure, you crave physical intimacy, but it’s not the be-all and end-all for you.

You’re looking for a connection on multiple levels, and you’re not afraid to dig a little deeper.

9. You’re willing to let someone break down your walls.

A couple gazes into each other's eyes with intense emotion. The man with long hair holds the woman's face tenderly. The woman has short blonde hair and bright red lipstick. They are standing outdoors, with blurred greenery and water in the background.

If you’ve been hurt in the past, you’ve probably built some fairly heavy-duty walls around your heart. Only when you feel like you’d be ready to let the right person break them down should you be thinking about a relationship.

10. You’re willing to make space for someone.

A couple sits on a couch at home, facing each other and smiling. A tablet, a notebook, and headphones are on the coffee table in the foreground. They appear relaxed, engaging in a pleasant conversation.

Let’s face it, getting into a relationship will change your life. If you’re used to being single and doing things your own way, you’ll need to be willing to make changes to create space for someone new in your life.

You need to be conscious that this will involve compromise, and be ready and willing to make appopriate sacrifices where neccessary.

11. You’re willing to put someone else first.

A smiling couple is standing outside a store, holding hands and looking through the window. The man has dark hair and is wearing a light blue shirt, while the woman has blonde hair and is wearing a white jacket. They appear happy and engaged in window shopping.

In a relationship, there will be times when you’ll need to put your partner’s needs before your own. Just as there will be times when they’ll need to put your needs first.

That’s just the way it is. If you can’t picture yourself doing that, it might not be the right time for you yet.

12. But you know where your boundaries are.

A woman with long hair and a white shirt stands in the foreground, looking contemplative, while a man in a white shirt stands in the blurred background. They are inside a room with shelves filled with various items.

On the other hand, whilst you do need to be willing to let your guard down, make space for your new partner, and put them first when necessary, you need to be clear on where the line is, and not allow a new partner to bulldoze your sense of self.

If you think you’re in a place that might mean you lose yourself in a relationship, you’re not ready. Wait until you’re more secure in yourself before you invite someone into your life – you’ll thank yourself in the long run.