Is it really the most wonderful time of the year?
It’s that time of year again: when holiday music blares from every radio station and we’re accosted by gift idea adverts from all directions.
A lot of people are delighted by this time of year, but that’s not a universal response. In fact, many absolutely despise the holidays and just want Christmas to be over as soon as possible.
There’s nothing wrong with hating Christmas, and there might be many valid reasons why you go into full-on Grinch mode every year.
While you might think that you’re in the minority as far as Christmas hatred goes, that’s far from the truth. Here are some of the reasons why you may despise the holidays:
1. You hate what Christmas has become.
If you’re lucky, you won’t start to see or hear Christmas adverts until the day after Halloween. In many places, however, the gift-giving commercials start in September and don’t lay off until after Boxing Day.
For many people, what was once a beautiful holiday has turned into a consumerist nightmare. There’s an immense amount of pressure to buy, buy, buy to prove to your loved ones that you care enough to spend tons of money on things they’ll never use. Furthermore, the spiritual aspects of this season are often lost in the maelstrom of expectation.
Giving gifts to those we love should be an action that comes from the heart, yet it has become obligatory. If you don’t give someone a gift, they’ll feel slighted. Or if it seems like you didn’t spend enough, then you might be considered cheap. Those who don’t have money to spend on gifts are often shamed, as are those whose contributions to family potlucks are store-bought rather than home-made.
Expectations don’t revolve solely around family get-togethers either. If people don’t show holiday cheer in general, then they’re called “Scrooge.” We seem to be expected to parade around with manic grins from November onward, as though the “magic of Christmas” is the most important thing in our lives.
When behaviors and emotions are demanded, all the joy is sucked out of the celebration. Everything feels obligatory rather than celebratory; chores instead of delights.
How can you enjoy looking around at Christmas decorations in your home when you were bullied and coerced into putting them up? Or how can it be fair to expect you to be happy to hear the same Christmas carols for the 300th time this week?
2. Family gatherings are less than enjoyable.
Some people have been blessed with loving, supportive families who are a joy to spend time with. Others aren’t so lucky. For many, the Christmas season is an exercise in withstanding torture rather than being a celebration.
You might find yourself agonizing over which gifts to give because family members will judge them and cause drama. Or you know there will be months of fallout from whatever crap your drunken uncle will cause at the dinner table.
Maybe you had to get a “secret Santa” gift for a cousin you’ve met twice and don’t know at all, or you have to pretend to love a horrible book that someone bought you because they heard that you like to read, so here’s something with words in it: be grateful.
Almost everyone has relatives they can’t stand, but are forced to interact with during the holidays because “family.” It’s as though people are expected to get along with others merely because they share DNA, or are related by marriage.
Additionally, those who are mistreated by said relatives are expected to “be the bigger person” and tolerate their atrocious behavior with good humor so as not to cause any upset. The instigators are rarely called out on their actions, so it’s up to the ones being tormented to keep the peace.
The worst part is that you can’t pick up and leave when someone is being offensive. In any other situation, you’d be able to either retaliate, choose not to engage in conversation, or walk out… but if you do that at one of these gatherings, then you’re the a**hole who “ruined Christmas.” There’s no winning.
3. You don’t fit in with the rest of your family.
Christmas can be downright excruciating for those who are different from most of their family members.
Neurodivergent people whose extended family don’t believe in or acknowledge their differences might find themselves tormented for the sake of others’ amusement. Those who have transitioned gender, are in the process of transitioning, or have come out as nonbinary may have to endure being the butt of jokes, or getting deadnamed by family members who refuse to respect their gender identity.
The same goes for those who married into a family that despises them. Maybe you’re of a different cultural background or social class than your spouse/partner and their family makes this a major point of contention. They might make subtle digs about you, or refuse to speak in a language you understand. They might even re-gift you with something you gave them last year to prove to you that you don’t mean a damned thing to them and you’re simply tolerated to humor your partner.
The above situations aren’t merely horrible to endure, but can lead to serious mental health crises over the holidays.
Folks who have raging narcissists in the family will also have to face insults and mockery, especially if the narcissist in their life tries to rope others in to help them with their antagonism. What would otherwise be an awkward meal with people who supposedly love you becomes abusive and damaging.
4. You find Christmas extremely overwhelming because you are autistic (possibly without realizing it).
For those who are autistic, whether they are aware of it or not, Christmas can be a particularly challenging time of year. Although it’s important to note that no two autistic people are the same, and many autistic people do love Christmas.
That being said, the sensory overload alone can be enough to make many autistic people want to hide away until January. Bright, flashing lights, loud Christmas music blaring from every direction, and the constant hustle and bustle of crowded shops and streets can be incredibly overwhelming for those with sensory sensitivities.
Social expectations during the holiday season can also be exhausting for autistic individuals. The pressure to engage in small talk at numerous gatherings, navigate complex social situations, and interpret the unspoken rules of gift-giving can be anxiety-inducing. The disruption to routine that often comes with the holiday season can be deeply unsettling, causing stress and discomfort.
Moreover, the emphasis on emotional expressions during Christmas – the expectation to show excitement, gratitude, or affection in socially prescribed ways – can be challenging for those who may show their emotions in different ways. The pressure to react “appropriately” to gifts or social situations can lead to feelings of inadequacy or frustration.
For autistic individuals who have specific dietary needs, holiday meals can be a minefield. The expectation to eat unfamiliar foods or to tolerate strong smells and tastes can be deeply uncomfortable. All of these factors combined can make Christmas feel less like a celebration and more like an endurance test, leading many autistic individuals to dread rather than anticipate the holiday season.
5. Christmas magic has been replaced with realism.
The holidays might have been incredibly special and magical to you when you were a child, but that was a long time ago. Now, instead of waking up to gifts and tasty treats on Christmas morning, you’re stressed out and exhausted by having to put on a good show to make that magic happen for others.
Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas did when you were younger because you’re suddenly aware of how much time and effort goes into making everything fall into place… and you just don’t have it in you.
Furthermore, you might be acutely aware of both the falseness and far-reaching negative effects that all that manufacturing and consumerism has on the rest of the world. When you look at a Christmas tree, you see clear-cut forests instead of holiday cheer. That turkey on the table suffered horribly before it was slaughtered, the gifts around you were manufactured by child labor in Asia, etc.
As a result, this holiday is just not fun anymore. It’s hollow and performative, and it leaves you feeling depleted and sad rather than joyful.
Depression can also be a major contributing factor when one feels unable to experience fun things anymore. Job loss, relationship issues, and global events in general can make one feel like there really isn’t much to celebrate at all.
6. It reminds you of lost loved ones.
A lot of people have beautiful memories of wonderful holidays spent with family and friends. In fact, for many of them, annual Christmas get-togethers were annual opportunities to see some of their favourite people and experience the same heartwarming, comforting traditions year after year.
For example, maybe Grandma had a secret gingerbread cake recipe that she only made at Christmastime.
When those people pass away, Christmas will never be the same again. Sure, those comfort foods and traditions might be carried on, but they’re not quite the same, are they? Recipes always taste a bit different depending on who’s cooking them, and traditions that were established by a particular group always emphasize the fact that one of the founding members is now missing.
There’s also the possibility that traumatic loss is a contributing factor as to why you hate Christmas.
In the 80’s movie “Gremlins,” one of the characters talks about how she doesn’t celebrate Christmas because it always reminds her of how her father died while trying to climb down the chimney dressed as Santa Claus to surprise everyone. While that’s an unusual example of holiday trauma, death around Christmastime is common and can suck the cheer out of the holiday season for the rest of a person’s life.
7. You’re too old to care.
You might have noticed that most Christmas adverts either revolve around children, or include them prominently. That’s because this season is most exciting and magical for the under-12 crowd.
Kids get incredibly excited about all the toys and treats they’ll be able to enjoy while they’re off school for a couple of weeks. Furthermore, they get to experience surprise and delight when they wake up to a pile of presents beneath a beautifully decorated tree, and discover that Santa and his reindeer have devoured the biscuits and carrots left out for them.
Parents and other relatives often live vicariously through this delight, as they get to bask in the joy on their little ones’ faces as they experience this magic before they grow up and lose interest.
If you’re solidly in adult-land now, and you either don’t have kids of your own or don’t have many in your life at all, then you might not see the point of celebrating the way you did when you were a child. Furthermore, life’s stresses and burdens might have taken what was left of the holiday spirit out of your soul.
Instead of appreciating meals spent with friends, you think of the bills you’ll have to pay. Why bother with a Christmas tree when you’ll be vacuuming pine needles out of the carpet for a month? Etc.
8. You hate Christmas shopping.
Anyone who has either worked holiday retail or done their shopping in late December knows what an absolute nightmare Christmas shopping can be. Many people go absolutely insane when it comes to gift buying, going so far as to get into fistfights or screaming matches over a toy or accessory that they want to get. Shopping malls get so crowded and frenetic that they can cause anxiety in even the hardiest shoppers, and shipping delays can make online purchases difficult as well.
Even worse can be the crushing weight of expectation: many people are offended by the idea that they should let others know what they want for Christmas, and that their loved ones should “just know.” Then they get upset when their family members give them things that they’re not interested in.
In general, Christmas shopping is stressful on countless levels. Very few people enjoy it at all, which ends up adding to the resentment of holiday expectations.
9. The financial strain is overwhelming.
For many people, the holiday season brings with it an immense amount of financial pressure. It’s not just about buying gifts; there’s also the expectation to decorate your home, host elaborate dinners, and attend numerous social events – all of which come with a hefty price tag.
This financial strain can be particularly acute for those already struggling to make ends meet. The societal pressure to participate in the gift-giving frenzy can lead to debt that lingers long after the tinsel has been packed away. And let’s not forget the subtle (or not-so-subtle) competition to outdo others with lavish presents or extravagant holiday displays.
The stress of trying to afford a “perfect” Christmas can overshadow any potential joy the season might bring. Instead of feeling festive, you might find yourself constantly worried about your bank balance, dreading the arrival of your credit card statement in January.
10. You are disheartened by the environmental impact of Christmas.
For the environmentally conscious, Christmas can be a time of profound cognitive dissonance. The sheer amount of waste generated during the holiday season is staggering – from discarded wrapping paper and packaging to the mountains of uneaten food that end up in landfills.
Then there’s the carbon footprint of all those twinkling lights, not to mention the environmental cost of mass-produced decorations and gifts that often have a short lifespan before being discarded. The tradition of cutting down live trees for a few weeks of indoor display can feel particularly egregious to those concerned about deforestation.
Even well-intentioned efforts to be more sustainable during the holidays can feel like a drop in the ocean compared to the overall environmental impact of this season of excess. It’s enough to make you want to skip the whole affair and hibernate until January.
Finally…
If you find yourself nodding along to any (or all) of these points, know that you’re not alone in your Christmas antipathy. The pressure to conform to societal expectations of holiday cheer can be exhausting, especially when the reality of the season is far from merry and bright for many.
It’s okay to acknowledge that Christmas isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. You’re not a “Grinch” for recognizing the darker aspects of this holiday or for choosing to opt out of traditions that don’t bring you joy. Instead of forcing yourself to participate in festivities that leave you feeling drained or resentful, consider creating your own meaningful rituals – or simply using this time of year for some much-needed rest and reflection.
After all, the true spirit of any holiday should be about what feels authentic and fulfilling to you, not what society dictates. So if that means saying “bah humbug” to Christmas, then so be it. Your mental health and personal well-being are far more important than meeting arbitrary seasonal expectations.
