12 Behaviors That Reveal Someone Is Secretly Struggling Despite Their Wide Smile

These things indicate someone is not as happy as they seem.

A man holds a mask with a smiling face in front of his own, which shows a sad expression. The background is a neutral gray, highlighting the contrast between his real and masked emotions.

Those who are struggling badly don’t always exhibit dour or depressed behavior. In fact, some of the people who are struggling the most are those who are smiling brightly and seem to be in the best of spirits. Watch out for the following behaviors that may indicate someone you know is suffering far more than you realize.

1. Repeatedly making plans and then canceling them at the last minute.

A young woman with blonde hair and bangs, wearing a maroon top, stands by a window with natural light filtering in. She gazes outside with a thoughtful expression, resting her chin on her hand. The background reveals a blurred outdoor view.

When people are secretly struggling, they’re often eager to make plans with those they love because they miss them and want to spend time with them. Once those plans roll around, however, they end up flattened by anxiety or exhaustion and simply can’t keep the plans they’ve made—despite wanting to.

2. Erratic (and often inconsistent) social media use.

A person holds a smartphone displaying social media notifications of likes, comments, and emojis. A laptop with an open social media page is in the background, also showing notifications. The scene is brightly lit with a blurred background of greenery.

Keep an eye on your friends’ social media usage for erratic or otherwise out-of-character behavior. For example, they might post a dozen times a day or more for a few days, and then go silent for weeks. This type of cycle implies waves of mania and depression, and can indicate a real problem.

3. Uncharacteristic overreactions to things.

A close-up of a person's face in profile with tears streaming down. The lighting highlights their eyes and skin texture, conveying a sense of emotion.

Things that never used to bother them may now bring them to tears or bursts of irrational anger. An offhand comment online might cause them to post a tirade in response, and they might block or ghost people they’ve been close to for years for saying or doing the wrong thing.

4. Shying away from physical touch.

A man wearing a light blue t-shirt stands against a pink background with a hesitant expression on his face. He has his hands raised in front of him, palms facing outward, as if gesturing "stop" or expressing surprise.

Someone who has previously been quite physically affectionate with those close to them may start to withdraw from physical contact. They’ll find reasons to avoid hugs or handshakes, may start to sleep separately from their partner, wear heavier, long-sleeved clothes, and cross their arms over themselves like a protective barrier.

5. Neglecting self-care.

A man with a thick beard and tousled hair looks to the side. He is wearing a V-neck shirt and is outdoors, with blurred buildings and chairs in the background.

Your friend or loved one may keep reassuring you that they’re fine, but if you see them in person, you wonder when they last showered. Unkempt hair, dirty fingernails, and unwashed clothes all indicate that someone is struggling hard, even if they’re smiling brightly and chirping about all the great things in their lives.

6. Living in a chaotic and unhygienic environment.

A woman sits on a carpeted floor, surrounded by piles of clothes in a living room. She looks contemplatively into the distance. The couch behind her is also covered with clothes, and there are plants and a striped hat in the background.

The external often reflects the internal. In the same way that neglected self-care is a surefire sign that someone is struggling, so is a messy home environment. If this person is smiling and happy despite clothes littering the floor and food rotting in pans on the stove, they’re not doing okay.

7. Hypersensitivity to external stimuli.

A middle-aged woman with short blonde hair sits on a couch, pressing her fingers to her temples and grimacing. She appears to be experiencing pain or discomfort, possibly a headache. She is wearing a plaid shirt. The background is blurred and bright.

A person who isn’t neurodivergent and has never before expressed distress at various types of stimuli may suddenly complain about sounds being too loud or lights being too bright. They may start to wear sound-dampening earplugs or sunglasses indoors to avoid being overwhelmed by the sensory input they’re being subjected to.

8. Significant changes in food consumption.

A woman with long blonde hair wearing a white tank top sits on an orange sofa, holding a bowl of chips. She appears thoughtful as she picks up a chip. A decorative shelf with books and figurines is in the blurred background.

They may seem bubbly and full of smiles, but they’re either overeating on a regular basis, or having difficulty eating at all. It depends entirely on whether they’re comfort eaters, or get stress-related anorexia. Keep an eye out for rapid weight change that isn’t caused by a physical illness or intense workouts.

9. Limited executive function.

A woman sits at a desk, looking frustrated as she works on her laptop. She rests her head on her hand and leans forward, appearing focused and concerned. In the background, there are shelves with binders and a potted plant.

Although they might have been quite capable in the past, and multi-tasked like they had eight arms, they’re now incapable of doing any task that isn’t related to simply keeping themselves alive. This means they’re locked into “survival mode” and literally anything beyond that is too much for them to bear.

10. Avoiding their own reflection.

A man in a light blue shirt is intently looking at himself in a mirror in a bathroom. The wall features a mix of beige and black tiles, and the lighting is soft.

In cases where someone is seriously struggling, they may avoid looking at mirrors or reflective surfaces because they can’t bear to see themselves. They’re putting everything they have into maintaining the facade that they’re keeping it together, but the honesty of seeing their reflection may cause them to break down completely.

11. Posting uplifting, positive memes and quotes on social media.

A woman with short brown hair, wearing a long-sleeved pink shirt, sits on a gray sofa holding a smartphone. She rests her head on her hand and looks thoughtfully into the distance. The room is softly lit.

Quite often, those who are struggling with the greatest difficulties are the ones trying their hardest to raise others’ spirits. If someone is posting all manner of inspiring, happy, and sweet images online, it’s likely because they’re trying to make themselves and others feel better by doing so.

12. Giving their possessions away.

A young woman wearing a yellow striped shirt and jeans is kneeling on the floor, carefully placing folded clothes into an open cardboard box. Behind her, a wardrobe with shelves containing various household items is partially visible.

This is an important behavior to watch out for, as it may indicate that this person is struggling so much that they’re intending to end their own life. If they suddenly seem happier than usual, and are keen to gift others with some of their most precious possessions, they likely need immediate help.