People who have very little self-love often display these 17 behaviors without realizing it

A lack of self-love results in these kinds of behaviors.

A woman with long brown hair and a neutral expression stands outdoors. She is wearing a gray shirt and a red plaid scarf. The background is blurred with greenery.

Self-love is a vital ingredient for a fulfilling life, yet many struggle to cultivate it. Those who lack self-love often exhibit behaviors that unknowingly reinforce their negative self-perception. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward fostering a healthier relationship with oneself. Let’s explore 17 behaviors that reveal a lack of self-love and how they impact daily life.

1. They hide behind a façade of cheerfulness.

A person with shoulder-length blonde hair smiles brightly at the camera. They are wearing a white shirt and have a light complexion, blue eyes, and slightly tousled hair. The background is softly blurred, likely an indoor setting with white walls.

At first glance, you might mistake them for the happiest person in the room. Their smile never falters, even when life throws curveballs their way. But beneath that cheerful exterior often lies a different story. This façade serves as a shield, masking their true feelings and insecurities. Sadly, this fear of showing vulnerability prevents them from forming genuine connections and receiving much-needed support.

2. They seek out ways to please others.

A woman with shoulder-length brown hair is smiling broadly and giving two thumbs up. She is wearing a white tank top and standing against a bright yellow background.

An insatiable desire to please others often reveals a deep-seated lack of self-love. These individuals constantly accommodate others, even at the expense of their own well-being. They’re the first to volunteer for every task at work or offer help to friends. While kindness is admirable, it becomes problematic when driven by a need for external validation. Their worth, in their eyes, is determined solely by their usefulness to others, and they imagine that perhaps by helping people, they will prove themselves lovable.

3. They wish they could look different and be different.

A person looks intently at their reflection in a mirror, with their hands on their cheeks, appearing deep in thought or concern. The soft lighting and close-up perspective emphasize their expression.

Daydreaming about being taller, thinner, or more outgoing is a telltale sign of low self-love. These individuals might obsess over celebrity looks or constantly compare themselves to others on social media. Instead of embracing their unique qualities, they yearn for an idealized version of themselves. This persistent desire for change reflects a fundamental belief that they’re not good enough as they are.

4. They consume self-help material like it’s going out of fashion.

A person is reading a red book while reclining on a brown couch. They are wearing jeans and a brown sweater. In the foreground, there is a wooden round table with several books, one of which is open. The room has a cozy and relaxed atmosphere.

Self-improvement becomes an obsession for those lacking self-love. They devour self-help books, attend countless workshops, and jump from one personal development trend to another. The irony is that true self-improvement comes from a place of self-acceptance, not self-rejection. Their quest for change becomes a never-ending cycle, preventing them from appreciating who they already are.

5. They blame themselves for every little thing that goes wrong.

A man in a white shirt looks upset or stressed, holding his head with one hand. He is standing indoors near a window with a blurred view of greenery outside.

A missed deadline at work? It must be because they’re incompetent. A friend cancels plans? They assume it’s because they’re boring company. This habit of self-blame goes beyond taking responsibility; it’s a reflexive response rooted in low self-worth. By automatically assuming fault, they reinforce negative beliefs about themselves and miss opportunities for balanced self-reflection.

6. They struggle to accept expressions of love from others.

A couple sits closely together on a leather couch at home, both wearing cozy sweaters. The man has a serious expression and gently touches the woman's arm, while she looks down pensively. A laptop is open on the table in front of them, and the room is warmly lit.

Receiving love and affection should be joyful, but for those with low self-love, it’s incredibly uncomfortable. Declarations of love are met with disbelief because, deep down, they struggle to reconcile the idea that someone could genuinely care for them. Paradoxically, their need for love is intense, yet they find it nearly impossible to believe they’re worthy of receiving it.

7. They fear being judged by others.

A man with a beard, short hair, and ear gauges is looking down. He is wearing a light gray T-shirt and standing outdoors on a green grassy area, with trees visible in the blurred background. The lighting suggests it's a calm, possibly cloudy day.

Social situations become minefields of potential criticism for those who struggle to love themselves. They might agonize over what to wear to a casual gathering or rehearse conversations in their head before making a simple phone call. Every interaction becomes an opportunity for scrutiny and rejection. As a result, they may avoid social situations altogether or present a carefully curated version of themselves.

8. They are highly sensitive to criticism.

A man in a grey suit and striped tie sits at a desk, holding a pen and talking to a woman with long blonde hair wearing a light grey blouse. They are in an office setting with charts and graphs visible on a whiteboard in the background.

A mild suggestion from a colleague or a gentle correction from a friend can send them into a tailspin of self-doubt. These individuals struggle to separate their actions from their worth as a person. This hypersensitivity often leads to defensive reactions or complete withdrawal. The inability to process feedback objectively hampers personal and professional growth, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of perceived inadequacy.

9. They let people treat them poorly.

A woman in a business suit stands in an office, pointing her finger and appearing agitated while speaking to a man whose back is turned to the camera. Various office furniture and equipment, including desks and chairs, are visible in the background.

Tolerating toxic friendships, unfair treatment at work, or even abusive relationships is common among those who lack self-love. This acceptance of poor treatment isn’t due to a lack of awareness; rather, it stems from a belief that they don’t deserve better. Their internal dialogue of self-criticism aligns with the negative treatment they receive from others, creating a vicious cycle that reinforces their low self-worth.

10. They try to be the person others want them to be.

A person wearing a novelty disguise with thick black eyebrows, glasses, and a fake nose, smiles playfully while posing indoors. The background is softly blurred, suggesting a cozy café or restaurant setting.

Authenticity takes a backseat when self-love is lacking. These individuals become chameleons, constantly adapting their personality, opinions, and even values to fit what they believe others want. By molding themselves to others’ expectations, they hope to gain acceptance and avoid rejection. However, this constant performance is exhausting and prevents genuine connections.

11. They reject compliments from others.

A middle-aged man with short hair and a beard, wearing a navy blue shirt, holds his hands up in front of him as if to protect himself or gesture "stop." He is looking downward with a concerned expression. The background is plain white.

When praised, these individuals often deflect or outright reject kind words. They might respond with self-deprecating humor or insist the compliment giver is mistaken. This behavior isn’t mere modesty; it’s a reflection of their inability to reconcile positive feedback with their negative self-image. By dismissing compliments, they maintain their self-perceived unworthiness and miss opportunities to challenge their negative beliefs.

12. They apologize excessively.

A woman with long brown hair stands against a pink background. She is wearing a sleeveless yellow dress and has a concerned expression on her face, with both hands placed on her chest.

“I’m sorry” becomes a reflexive response for those who don’t love themselves. They apologize for things beyond their control, for having needs, or even for existing. It’s as if they’re constantly seeking forgiveness for being who they are. While politeness is admirable, this behavior reflects a deeper issue of feeling unworthy of space, time, or consideration.

13. They feel like a fraud.

A woman with long red hair and freckles leans against a dark, ridged wall, wearing a yellow top. She appears pensive, gazing downward with a neutral expression.

Achievements and successes bring little joy to those with low self-love. Instead, they’re plagued by imposter syndrome, constantly waiting to be “found out” as incompetent or undeserving. They might attribute their accomplishments to luck or downplay their role in team successes. Even in the face of clear evidence of their competence, they struggle to internalize their achievements, leaving them in a constant state of anxiety and self-doubt.

14. They constantly talk themselves down.

A man with a closely shaved head and light stubble gazes pensively out of a window. He is wearing a dark jacket and sitting inside a room with soft lighting. The blurred outdoor scene shows hints of a landscape beyond the window.

Self-deprecation becomes a default mode of communication for people who struggle with self-love. They frequently make negative comments about their appearance, intelligence, or abilities. While this behavior might be disguised as humor or humility, it’s actually a manifestation of their inner critic. By beating others to the punch with self-criticism, they believe they’re protecting themselves from potential judgment.

15. They hold onto unhealthy relationships out of fear of being alone.

A man and woman stand outdoors near a body of water and trees. The man, wearing a gray coat, is shouting and pointing aggressively at the woman, who looks distressed and is holding her coat closed. The woman’s expression shows pain and fear.

For those with low self-love, loneliness is downright terrifying. As a result, they often cling to unhealthy relationships, be it romantic partnerships, friendships, or family ties. They might convince themselves that any company is better than no company. This behavior stems from a belief that they don’t deserve better or couldn’t possibly find someone who truly values them.

16. They have difficulty expressing their own needs and wants.

An older woman and man sit pensively on a beige couch in a living room. The woman, wearing a grey sweater and beige pants, rests her chin on her hands. The man, in a navy shirt and jeans, leans forward with hands clasped. A potted plant is in the background.

Assertiveness becomes a monumental challenge for those lacking self-love. They struggle to voice their desires, preferences, or boundaries, often deferring to others’ wishes instead. They might go along with plans they dislike or take on unwanted responsibilities to avoid potential conflict. Their true selves remain hidden, further reinforcing feelings of invisibility and unworthiness.

17. They engage in self-sabotaging behaviors.

A woman with short brown hair, wearing a light peach blouse, stands by a window. She appears concerned or reflective, resting her forehead on her right hand while leaning slightly to the side. Natural light filters through the window behind her.

These individuals might procrastinate on important tasks, overspend despite financial goals, or engage in unhealthy habits they’re trying to break. On a subconscious level, they believe they don’t deserve success or happiness. This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy: by undermining their own efforts, they “prove” to themselves that they’re unworthy of good things.