If you only seem to attract the wrong kind of people in your life, say goodbye to these 12 behaviors

Do you attract a lot of “wrong” people into you life?

Three women in colorful tops acting playfully dramatic. Two women are leaning toward the third woman with exaggerated expressions, while the third covers her ears, pretending to ignore them. All are smiling, suggesting a fun, humorous moment.

When you look around at the people in your life, do you get the feeling that you’re surrounded by the wrong company? Not everyone we allow into our lives is a positive influence or good for our well-being. If you are attracting more of the wrong kind of people than the right kind, it might be down to the following behaviors which you really ought to do away with.

1. Seeking external validation.

Four people are standing and chatting against a brick wall. One person is talking with hand gestures, while the others are listening and smiling. They appear to be enjoying a conversation in a casual indoor setting.

People who seek external validation are opening themselves to manipulation by those who are willing to give them praise. Manipulative people look for validation-seeking behavior because they know they can influence you by giving or withholding their approval. Instead, you need to learn to accept and love yourself regardless of what anyone else thinks about you. That makes it so much harder for other people to use your emotions against you. They’ll turn their attention to easier targets.

2. Not setting or enforcing healthy boundaries.

A woman in a sleeveless top sits at a table with a laptop in front of her, holding a pen. She appears engaged in a conversation with someone off-camera. The setting seems to be a bright, modern indoor space.

Boundaries define healthy relationships. They teach people how you want to be treated because there are repercussions for behavior that disrespects those boundaries. People who have no boundaries or won’t enforce their boundaries attract individuals who are looking for an easy target to attack. At the end of the day, you are the only one who can truly look out for you. You are the one who must decide what is acceptable to you and what is not, and make others aware of these limits.

3. Ignoring red flags.

A woman with long dark hair wearing a red sweater is standing outdoors and looking directly at the camera with a serious expression. She is holding up her index finger as if to indicate "no" or "stop." The background is blurred.

In many cases, red flags will pop up that will warn you when you’re dealing with an unhealthy person. Ignoring those red flags is a quick way to find yourself drowning in a toxic relationship. Trust your instincts and address any concerns early before any strong emotional bonds are formed. That way, it will be much easier to make a clean break if there is substance to those warning signs.

4. People-pleasing.

A woman with curly brown hair is smiling and giving a thumbs-up gesture. She is wearing a gray sweater and is standing in front of a blurry background filled with shelves.

Always prioritizing others over yourself will attract people who prioritize their needs over yours. There is give and take in any healthy relationship. You can’t be the only one giving while the other person takes. Givers need to have limits because takers usually don’t. It’s okay to say no to things, to decline giving your time or help for any reason because you just don’t want to. Any decent person will be okay with that.

5. Over-sharing too soon.

A woman with curly hair in a white blouse is smiling and engaging in conversation with a man wearing a plaid cap and a brown jacket. They are standing indoors near a window.

Building a healthy relationship with another person is done at a methodical tempo. Early on, you share the basics so you can see if there is a vibe there and determine what kind of person you’re interacting with. If you go too fast before you can get a person’s vibe, you run the risk of attracting people who will misuse your openness. That also includes trauma dumping because trauma can be used against you.

6. Undervaluing yourself, your time, or your contributions.

Two people are sitting in a cozy living room, engaged in conversation. One person holds a notebook and pen, while a coffee cup is on the table between them. They are both wearing checkered shirts, and there's a TV mounted on the wall.

People who don’t value themselves often attract people who won’t value them either. That is, they won’t value you as a person, just what they can get from you. A person with healthy self-esteem understands that they deserve to be treated rightly and with respect. That person knows that if they are not valued or are treated badly in this relationship, they can let it go and move on to something better.

7. Letting the fear of being alone dictate your choices.

A woman with blonde hair looks pensively out of a foggy, rain-streaked window. The blurred glass obscures some details of her face and the dark, forest-like scenery outside. She wears a dark top with a red pattern. The mood appears contemplative and somber.

It’s possible to be alone but not lonely. In fact, it’s a valuable thing to be able to sit with those feelings and be happy with yourself. However, if you’re afraid of being alone, you might cling to unhealthy relationships that sap your time, happiness, and growth instead of rejuvenating you like quality alone time can. Being alone gives you valuable time to grow and heal without the emotional responsibilities of a relationship. It’s not something to be afraid of.

8. Overlooking compatibility.

Two office workers, a man in a white shirt and a woman in a red blouse, play foosball in a brightly lit office space with large windows. The room features modern decor with a computer desk and plants in the background. They are smiling and enjoying the game.

Values matter more than chemistry. In our society, chemistry is everything. Chemistry is the butterflies in the stomach, it’s the being swept off your feet, it’s all the good times that you can have with the love of your life! That’s nice and all, but that doesn’t make for a long-term relationship if you can’t agree on things like kids, finances, living situation, or values. Compatibility is essential if you want to have the right people in your life. Ignore it at your peril!

9. Being addicted to drama.

Two women dressed in business attire stand close together. One woman points at the camera and smiles, while the other, who wears glasses, holds a disposable coffee cup and points as well. They appear to be outside against a wall with greenery in the background.

When you gossip, engage in drama, or create drama, you attract other drama addicts and gossips into your life. Emotionally healthy people do not take pleasure in or treat other people’s suffering as entertainment, so they will distance themselves from those who do. Enjoying drama is just enjoying another person’s suffering. That’s a red flag for most people.

10. Not addressing trauma.

A woman with short dark hair is holding her hand to her forehead, eyes closed, and appears upset or stressed. She is wearing a dark green top against a plain white background.

Unresolved trauma and past emotional wounds can cause you to fall into patterns that attract similar negative behavior in others. For example, if you are trying to deal with past trauma through maladaptive coping mechanisms like drinking, then you’re likely to find yourself surrounded by other unhealthy alcoholics. By resolving trauma, you remove that negativity from your space and make way for positivity, attracting healthier people into your life.

11. Negative self-talk.

A man with short hair and a beard is looking directly into the camera with his hands on his head, appearing thoughtful or stressed. He is wearing a dark shirt, and the background is blurred, suggesting an indoor setting.

Negative self-talk is harmful for several reasons. In this case, the most serious issue is that you may find yourself attracting people who feel similar negative things about you. Furthermore, negative self-talk also tends to guide what you allow and disallow in your life because you think that’s what you deserve. The negativity you think doesn’t reflect the truth. It’s easy to believe that it’s the truth if you come from a bad background or you’ve had a rough life, but it’s not.

12. Ignoring your intuition.

A woman with long blonde hair and a red top stands next to a man with short dark hair, a beard, and a gray t-shirt. The woman faces forward while the man looks off into the distance. Both are outdoors with lush green foliage in the background.

In many ways, your subconscious picks up on vibes and knows there is something off before your conscious mind knows. Many people ignore their intuition because they’re enjoying the positive feelings they’re having and don’t want to give those up. Ignoring your intuition is one of the worst things you can do because your brain knows and is telling you that something is off. By ignoring that, you’re opening the door for all kinds of negative people or influences to enter.