People who are destined to go from one bad relationship to the next make these 9 mistakes

Do you make these 9 mistakes?

A man with a beard and a woman with long hair, both wearing white t-shirts, stand in partial sunlight. The woman looks out of frame while the man gazes downward. Shadows create dramatic lighting across the scene.

Do you know someone who can’t seem to sustain a relationship that’s not full of drama or conflict? They either can’t find the “good ones”, or do, but then they drive them away with their own unhealthy behavior. Or perhaps it’s you whose relationship history is one big train wreck?

Some people just don’t seem to have the skills necessary to forge a happy and long-lasting relationship. Instead, they repeat the same mistakes over and over again, expecting to get different results with someone new. Mistakes like these:

1. Ignoring or not knowing how to spot red flags.

A man and a woman are sitting on a couch in a living room. The man is gesturing with his hands, explaining something, while the woman looks concerned and rests her head on her hand. Large windows are in the background.

Every dating guru, coach, and YouTube video talks regularly about red flags and the importance of recognizing them early. The annoying thing about red flags is that when you’re in the throes of love or attraction, they are easy to miss. People who end up having a string of bad relationships often don’t spot (or worse, actively ignore) these common red flags:

– Love bombing – Love bombing refers to grand gestures or displays of affection, that typically happen early in a new relationship. While it may sound romantic, they are sometimes used as a tactic to gain control over the relationship.

– Jealousy – Jealousy is not a sign that your partner really cares about you. When your partner is constantly jealous, it’s a sign that they harbor feelings of inadequacy or inferiority and have a tendency to compare themselves to others.

– Gaslighting – A common manipulation ploy in which the manipulator will make you question your sanity or judgments. You are manipulated into feeling guilty whether or not you did anything wrong.

– Anger management issues – Too many people have been the victim of domestic violence for us not to be on high alert when a partner displays difficulty managing their anger.

– Need for control – If your partner tries to control your movements, decisions, or beliefs, they are more concerned about what they want than what is best for you.

There are many more red flags. Spotting them early makes it easier to escape a toxic relationship.

2. Being unclear about what they actually want in a relationship.

A man and woman sit at an outdoor café table, each resting their head on one hand, looking away from each other. The woman wears a red dress, while the man is in a blue shirt. A glass of orange juice is on the table. Cars and greenery are in the background.

How can someone expect to find what they need from another person when they don’t actually know what they want from a relationship?

Hollywood has us believing that the person we will spend the rest of our lives with will fall magically into our laps with no deliberate action or intention on our part. Experience, on the other hand, shows us something completely different.

If you don’t want to keep making the same old mistakes you need to figure out exactly what you need and want in a future partner. This will help you to be deliberate with who you date and spend time with. By being deliberate and knowing what you want, you will save yourself and the other person from wasted time and heartache.

3. Thinking love means boundaries are not required.

A young man and woman stand close together by a stone wall. The man, wearing a patterned shirt, has his arm around the woman, who is dressed in a striped top and a black hat. They both have a serious expression.

Setting boundaries is a natural part of any healthy relationship. Just because two people are in love does not mean there should be no boundaries between them. Nor does it mean they should not respect each other’s boundaries.

Especially in a relationship, you need to advocate for your wants and needs. And setting boundaries is a step towards doing that.

It’s easier to set clear boundaries at the beginning of a relationship than in the middle of one, but a lot of people wait until problems arise to start setting them. And often by this point, it’s too late. You need to know from early on whether someone is going to respect your boundaries or not.

4. Communicating ineffectively and without empathy.

A woman and a man are standing indoors, engaged in a heated discussion. They are facing each other with expressive gestures. The room is softly lit, with a framed picture and a plant in the background.

Effective communication means knowing how to actively listen and respond or communicate your thoughts and/or feelings. So many people don’t know how to do this.

Open communication and empathy are critical tools that contribute to healthy, high-functioning, and satisfying relationships in every area of your life, but crucially in your romantic relationship.

Without them, your relationship is doomed. Doomed either to fail or to be unhealthy and unsatisfying.

5. Believing a happy relationship means no conflict.

A man and a woman sit outdoors, both holding and sipping from white ceramic cups. The woman is in focus and has light brown hair, while the man in the background has a beard. They appear to be enjoying a warm beverage.

Many adults do not know how to deal with conflict in a constructive or healthy manner. A lot of people shy away from conflict, believing it to be harmful to the relationship. Others avoid conflict out of a misplaced fear of rejection.

Fearing confrontation is normal, particularly for people who have social anxiety. However, running away from it does more harm to your relationship than good.

Unresolved conflicts lead to pent-up feelings of resentment, which we all know is poison in any relationship.

6. Being disrespectful or tolerating disrespect.

A man and a woman are engaged in a conversation indoors. The man is gesturing with his hands, appearing to explain or emphasize a point, while the woman listens attentively with her hair pulled back. They are seated on a light-colored couch.

Love and respect go hand in hand. Can you love someone you don’t respect? Possibly. But in such a scenario, the emotions involved are more likely a desire to manipulate or control than actual “love.” How can a person claim to love someone if they don’t care about their feelings, trust them, or have any regard for their needs or wants?

Besides, a relationship is so much better if there is freedom for both parties to be themselves and be loved for who they are.

If you don’t do the following things in your relationships, or you don’t expect them of your partner, you’re being disrespectful or tolerating disrespect:

– Trusting your partner.

– Being mindful of how you communicate with your partner.

– Appreciating and celebrating your differences.

– Treating your partner the way you would like to be treated.

– Staying true to your word.

– And above all, respecting yourself. Because, once again, you cannot give what you don’t have.

There are many things you can offer in a romantic relationship. The most important thing that you have to offer is a healthy (that is physically, mentally, emotionally) you. A healthy you is the best chance you have at developing a healthy, long-term relationship.

7. Letting insecurities fester.

A woman with shoulder-length hair in a casual outfit appears upset, gesturing with her hands while talking to a man sitting nearby. The man, wearing a white T-shirt, has his head down and his hands covering his face, seemingly distressed. They are indoors.

We all have them, even the most confident person amongst us. Pretending or ignoring them only causes them to grow bigger in our minds.

Insecurities can manifest in various ways, such as jealousy, possessiveness, or constant need for reassurance. Left unchecked, these can erode trust and create unnecessary tension in a relationship.

To break the cycle of jumping from one bad relationship to the next, it’s crucial to address these insecurities head-on, either through self-reflection or with the help of a therapist if they are too deeply embedded. A healthy relationship is built on mutual trust and understanding, not on doubt and fear.

8. Not loving themselves first and foremost.

A woman sits on a beachside promenade, looking down thoughtfully. She has sunglasses on her head and wears a green dress. The beach and sea are in the background. A man in a striped shirt is in the foreground, facing her.

Self-love refers to having a high regard for your happiness and well-being. It is about valuing yourself as a human being who is worthy of love and respect. When someone loves themself, they know they are enough without all the titles or accolades. They know they are enough without someone else to “complete” them.

Loving yourself influences how you handle challenges in your life, your overall happiness, and your mental and physical health.

If you don’t love yourself, not only can you not expect others to love you, but you can’t truly love someone else. On the off chance someone does love you, you’ll be unable to fully trust or accept that love.

9. Believing they are unworthy and incapable because of low self-esteem.

A woman in a white shirt smiles while looking at a man in a brown shirt. She gently touches his shoulder with her hand. They are outdoors, with blurred buildings in the background.

Self-esteem is our overall sense of value or worth, how we feel about our abilities and limitations. Studies have shown that our self-esteem affects not only the satisfaction we feel in our relationship but also our partner’s satisfaction. In fact, our level of self-esteem impacts our partner’s self-esteem.

Self-esteem has to do with the value a person puts on their own opinions and ideas. People with low self-esteem are unable to do the following, which significantly affects their ability to find and sustain a happy and healthy relationship:

– Express their needs and opinions.

– Feel confident in their decision-making abilities.

– Be realistic in their expectations of themselves.

– Handle criticism.

– Be resilient and able to cope with stress and setbacks.

Finally…

A young woman with long dark hair, wearing a light gray t-shirt, sits on a couch looking upset, resting her head on her hand. In the blurred background, a man sits on another couch, facing away. They appear to be in a tense or reflective moment.

Breaking the cycle of bad relationships isn’t easy, but it’s certainly possible. If you’re the one caught in this vicious cycle, remember: the common denominator in all your relationships is you. The key to breaking free from the cycle of bad relationships lies in your hands.

Every person deserves a relationship that brings out the best in them, not the worst. And they should never settle for anything less.