12 Things Only Emotionally Mature Adults Understand About Relationships

These realizations only come with emotional maturity.

A couple stands close together, the man's forehead touching the woman's. The woman is smiling warmly, her long blond hair blowing slightly. The background is blurred, suggesting an outdoor setting in soft, natural light.

Young people (and emotionally immature adults) can have some very strange ideas and expectations of relationships. Although a lot of insights come with time and experience, emotionally mature adults who haven’t dated a lot also understand basic facts about the reality of intimate relationships, such as the aspects listed here.

1. You won’t always get all your needs met in this instant.

A man and woman enjoy a meal at an outdoor table by the sea. They are smiling at each other, with food and drinks in front of them. The background shows a beach with trees and lounge chairs under umbrellas.

Just because you have a whim doesn’t mean that your partner has to jump to indulge it on demand. Sometimes circumstances aren’t right for it to happen, or your partner isn’t on the same page for whatever reason, so you find a time that works best for both of you.

2. Having an argument doesn’t mean you hate each other.

A man and woman sit on a couch, both with arms crossed and looking away from each other. The man wears a white shirt, and the woman wears a beige blouse. The setting appears to be a modern living room.

Disputes and arguments are inevitable. What matters is how you treat each other while disagreeing, as well as after the fact. Discuss things in a loving manner so you can resolve the issue as a couple, and then leave the resolved argument in the past: don’t bring it up any time you argue in the future.

3. If the other person doesn’t fit exactly what you were hoping for in a partner, that’s okay.

A young man and woman are sitting close together, embracing and looking into each other's eyes. The man has curly hair and a beard, wearing a denim jacket. The woman has straight shoulder-length hair and is wearing an orange jacket. A cityscape is visible in the background.

Young people often have specific ideas about what their ultimate partner will be like, encompassing their appearance, demeanor, skills, interests, and so on. In reality, your perfect partner may not encompass all of those things, but will be far more awesome than you could have anticipated in your youth.

4. People change constantly, so it’s important to recognize that and be prepared to change with them.

A man and woman sit at a cafe table, each with a cup of coffee. They are engaged in conversation, and the woman is smiling warmly while resting her head on her hand. The background shows a modern, minimalistic interior with shelves and a TV screen.

You aren’t the same person that you were a decade ago, and neither of you will look or feel the same in 20 years. Change is inevitable, but if you commit to growing together and accepting the changes you see in each other, the foundations of your relationship will remain strong.

5. Support may not always be equal between your two pillars, but it should ideally balance out over time.

A man with long curly hair wearing a blue shirt sits pensively with his head resting on his hands, while a woman with long hair in the background gestures behind him. They appear to be outdoors, with green foliage visible in the background.

Much like a door frame that requires two sides to keep it upright, the two of you are both needed to keep your relationship going. Sometimes one may bear more weight or burden than the other, but emotionally mature people will try to make the foundational support between you meet in the middle in the long run.

6. Words spoken in anger can have long-term, damaging effects.

A man and a woman are sitting on a couch engaged in a heated discussion. The woman, wearing a light blue shirt, looks frustrated with her hands raised. The man, in a white t-shirt, also has his hands up, appearing to explain or argue back.

Young people often say things they might not truly mean in a moment of anger, and then expect the other person to “forget they said anything”. Those words won’t ever be forgotten, however, and can have long-lasting—and often damaging—effects. Mature adults know to be more careful with their words.

7. Passions ebb and flow like the tides.

A man and woman are lying in bed under white sheets. The woman is awake, looking thoughtful, while the man is sleeping next to her. They are both wearing white tops, and the scene has a calm and serene atmosphere.

Nobody is “on” all the time about anything. Sometimes we’re wide awake, and sometimes we need to sleep. The same goes for physical chemistry: it ebbs and flows, and not always on the same tidal rhythm. This doesn’t mean that anything is wrong—you’ll find the middle ground where you’re both flowing together.

8. Taking each other for granted can severely damage your relationship.

A man and woman are sitting in bed under a beige blanket, looking away from each other with serious expressions. The woman is wearing a pink shirt, and the man is wearing a blue shirt. A painting with a wave motif hangs on the wall behind them.

Few things can destroy a healthy relationship like being taken for granted. Mature adults recognize the need to acknowledge each other’s efforts and show real appreciation for them, instead of behaving as though the kind things being done for them on a regular basis are just their partner’s “job”.

9. The two of you need to be a united team.

A family sits at a table, with a woman and man smiling as a young girl draws on paper. Sunlight streams through a window, creating a cozy atmosphere. A mug is in the foreground, adding a homely touch.

This is especially true when children are involved. Don’t undermine each other when decisions need to be made or when discipline is needed. Always show a united front, regardless of circumstances. If you do feel a need to discuss or argue about anything, do it when you’re alone, behind closed doors.

10. By taking care of yourselves, you take care of each other by extension.

A woman with long hair smiles while holding a bowl of food topped with blueberries and strawberries. She is wearing a striped shirt and sitting in a room with wooden paneling on the walls. She holds a spoon in her other hand as she looks to the side.

Those who have been around for a while have experienced hardship and loss. They know what it’s like to lose loved ones, and they try to stay in good health so that their family members won’t have to live without them. If both partners truly care, both will put in the effort to stick around.

11. When both partners put each other first, no one is left in second place.

A man and woman are at a kitchen table enjoying breakfast. The woman is spreading jam on a piece of toast while the man, smiling, looks at her. Glasses of orange juice, a pitcher, croissants, and jars of jam and honey are on the table.

Many people show their devotion by lavishing love and attention on their partner; giving them the best of everything and putting them first as often as they can. When both partners engage in this kind of generous, selfless behavior, both feel immensely treasured because nobody feels used, disrespected, or unloved.

12. Your time together is limited.

A man and woman, both wearing black clothing, traverse through a lush green field of tall wheat. The woman, wearing a hat, has her arms outstretched and smiles at the man, who looks back at her. A line of trees is visible in the background under a golden sky.

Don’t put off for tomorrow what you could do today, and appreciate every moment the two of you have together. It could be the shared chat over coffee in the morning, or the kiss on the balcony: you only have so many opportunities to do that, so don’t waste them.