14 Things You Need To Know If Your Ex Has Moved On Before You

Has your ex already moved on?

A woman in a bright green coat, looking concerned and biting her finger, stands between a man with a beard and another woman in the foreground, who are out of focus. The image suggests a tense or dramatic situation.

Going through a breakup is never easy, whether it’s you who chose to end things or them.

And when you see that they’ve moved on before you, it can feel even more crushing, even if you don’t actually want them for yourself.

This is totally normal, and things will get better.

In the meantime, reminding yourself of these 14 things will help you cope.

1. They might be faking it.

A man sits on a couch, holding glasses in one hand and rubbing his eyes with the other, appearing tired or stressed. He is wearing a denim shirt and in front of a laptop. A blurred background shows shelves with plants.

Consider why you think they’ve moved on.

Photos on Instagram, someone mentioning they saw your ex with a new person, them popping up on a friend’s Tinder?

Regardless of how things look in your ex’s life, you’ll never know how they truly feel about the breakup.

And that’s okay.

It can be really hard to lose someone in your life and suddenly not know how they feel or what they’re doing.

We get so used to knowing pretty much everything about the person we’re with that half the pain of breaking up is not having that knowledge.

It’s okay to feel angry or upset if they seem to have moved on before you have, but they will be dealing with their own thoughts and feelings, just like you are.

They might seem to have it all together and to have moved on, but remember that you don’t know what’s really going on with them.

Whether they’re faking it or not, try to forget about your ex and focus on yourself and moving on with your own life.

2. It doesn’t invalidate what you had together.

A woman with long blonde hair, wearing a blue and white striped shirt, is sitting on a sofa holding a smartphone. She gazes thoughtfully into the distance in a modern living room setting.

One of the worst things about an ex moving on before you do is wondering if they ever really cared about you, right?

You see that they’re going out and having fun, or your friend mentions that they changed their Facebook relationship status, and you start to question if they ever loved you.

This is totally normal, but try to take a step back from this kind of thinking.

We all move on from relationships in our own ways and at our own pace. That doesn’t mean that the person we were with didn’t matter to us at the time.

Think about the last job you left – yes, you left and you’re happy in your new job, but you took that old job because you wanted it at the time, and you stayed because you enjoyed it.

The fact that you’re now in a new job doesn’t mean that the old job didn’t matter to you; you’ve just moved on because it wasn’t working anymore.

Try to see your relationship in this way.

Yes, they may have moved on, but what you had together was still special and it’s okay that it’s over now.

You both still have great memories together and it still meant something to you both.

3. You broke up for a reason.

A woman and a man are standing in a modern kitchen, engaged in a serious conversation. The woman is pointing her finger, while the man looks back at her with open palms. Shelves with books, a toaster, and jars are visible in the background.

As much as you should try to look at your past relationship in a positive light, don’t forget the reasons why it ended the way it did.

Something wasn’t working the way it should have. There were issue that you perhaps tried to overcome but couldn’t.

If you are struggling to watch as your ex moves on, it can help to think about why you broke up. It can reaffirm that it was 100% the right decision and that them moving on is a good thing for them AND you. It puts a final line under things because there is little, if any, chance of you getting back together now.

Try to look at the reasons objectively without too much feeling otherwise you risk tarnishing the good memories you may have.

4. It’s not a race.

A woman with dark hair sits on a couch with her knees drawn up, hugging her knees and resting her head on her arms. She appears to be upset or in distress, wearing a light gray sweater and jeans. The background is softly lit.

People move on from relationships at different speeds. It’s not a race, and them moving on before you doesn’t make you the ‘loser’ in any way, shape, or form.

It also doesn’t mean that they cared less about you than you did about them. It doesn’t really matter how they managed to move past the breakup, and you shouldn’t overanalyze the fact that they have.

You will move on in your own time and in your own way, and that’s all that matters. Being single for a little while is the right choice for many people.

5. Time heals all wounds.

A woman with long dark hair sits on a couch, leaning her head against the cushion. She looks pensive and wraps her arms around herself, with a window showing greenery in the background.

This saying is a cliché for good reason.

Right now, you might feel like you’ll never find anyone else attractive, that you’ll never wake up and feel good again, or that you’ll never be happy again.

This is okay to feel, for a short period of time… but it will pass.

You don’t need to make a goal or have a plan in place – things will just get easier on their own, in their own time.

Give yourself a little while to cry and mourn the relationship. Let yourself feel what you need to feel without trying to fight it. And don’t be too harsh on yourself for still caring about them. It’s perfectly natural.

Jut don’t wallow in self-pity for too long.

Be patient and be kind to yourself and, before you know it, each day will get a little bit easier and you’ll feel more and more like yourself again.

Until, one day, you’ll feel ready to start dating again. Or you’ll realize that you’re happier on your own for now, and you just spend your time having fun and looking after number one.

6. Out of sight, out of mind.

This might sound harsh, but deleting your ex from your life will help.

We all hate the thought of never ever seeing our partner again once we’ve broken up.

It’s horrible – you’ve spent all this time together and shared so much, and now it’s just… over?!

The way to move on from this is to get on with your own life, on your own.

It might feel scary and upsetting, but it’s for the best.

Delete your message history with them on your phone, unfollow them on social media, and stop yourself from going to the bar you know they’re always at.

If your ex has moved on before you, you need some time to yourself to move on too.

Stop checking in on them or stalking their Instagram and get used to your life without them.

It may take a while, but going cold turkey will really speed things up when you’re moving on from your ex.

This will also prevent you from comparing yourself to their new partner because you’ll no longer be able to see the photos of them together.

7. That goes for their stuff too.

A man with a beard sits on a bed, wearing a blue t-shirt and striped pants, looking thoughtfully at a framed photo he's holding. The room is softly lit, with a white wall and a navy headboard in the background.

We’ve all got something that reminds us of our ex – their hoodie, a card they gave us, or their toothbrush in our bathroom.

Whatever it is, it needs to go.

These items mean a lot, but they also remind us of our relationship and will only ever make you feel sad.

This tip really is that simple – out of sight, out of mind, after all.

8. Forgiving them will benefit you.

A person with curly hair and a beard stands outdoors, looking off into the distance. They are wearing a black quilted jacket over a white shirt. The background features a vibrant blue wall and blurred railing.

It’s not that easy, of course, but if your ex hurt you during your relationship – whether that led directly to the breakup or not – you should try to forgive them.

That hurt is a lasting emotional memory that makes it all the more difficult to see them with someone else. After all, you may ask yourself why they deserve to be happy after what they did to you.

That’s why forgiveness is a must if you are to stop caring what your ex is doing or what their relationship status is. Forgiveness is a process – and it’s one that you do for you, not for them. You can start by forgiving them rationally, before working on the emotional side of things too.

9. You have not been replaced.

A person with curly hair gazes into the distance while standing on a beach. They are wearing a denim jacket, and the ocean and cliffside are visible in the background, under a partly cloudy sky.

Your ex’s new partner is not a replacement for you. There is no one who can replace you or what you and your ex had.

It’s not healthy to think in terms of them being the ‘new you’ because it will drag you into all sorts of comparisons. This will never end well. It will damage your self-esteem because you will likely focus on what this new person has that you don’t, rather than on everything you have to offer.

Your ex’s new relationship is entirely distinct from the one you shared with them. Just as, when you finally find someone else to be with, your relationship won’t replace your previous relationship. It follows it in time, but not in any other respect.

10. How you’re feeling is all down to science.

A man in a red shirt rests his head on his crossed arms, gazing contemplatively into the distance. He has dark hair and a beard, and a watch on his wrist. The background is blurred, suggesting a serene outdoor setting.

Your brain is having a chemical reaction at the moment, which is why you feel so upset and overwhelmed – and why you’re struggling to get over them.

Knowing this can be quite soothing, as you realize you just need to ride out that chemical imbalance for a little while.

Our minds get addicted to how good it feels to be happy, and when the source of that happiness goes, our brains experience a sudden drop in those happy feelings (namely, dopamine).

You just need to get through that short period of time where you’re readjusting.

Knowing that heartbreak will end soon is quite a comfort, really.

11. A new relationship won’t necessarily make you happy.

A woman with long brown hair sits across from a man in a cozy café. She is looking at him attentively, with blurred people and warm, rustic decor in the background.

Your ex may be looking for happiness in the shape of a new relationship, but that doesn’t mean you have to.

Happiness comes from many different things, and you might find that a relationship isn’t one of those things for you right now.

Instead, focus your time and energy on the things that you know do make you happy like your friends, family, hobbies, personal growth, etc.

The more you can boost your own emotional well-being, the less bothered you’ll be by what your ex is doing or who they are seeing. It just won’t factor into your consideration because you’ll be too busy enjoying yourself.

12. Be realistic.

A man with a beard and short hair, wearing a white shirt, sits outdoors in a grassy field. He has a thoughtful expression and looks off into the distance, with a backdrop of trees and cloudy sky.

If you’re finding it hard to get over an ex and they’ve already moved on, maybe you need to be more honest with yourself.

It’s so easy to put on the rose-tinted spectacles and only remember the good bits of your relationship, but you might need to think about the bad stuff to move on too.

We’re not saying to suddenly invalidate your relationship and act like it was all horrible, but be honest with yourself.

You can still have happy memories of them, but remind yourself of the things that you’ve doubted along the way, or the fact that you’ve maybe thought about other people while you’ve been together.

13. If you care about your ex, want what’s best for them.

Woman with long, wavy brown hair gazes into the distance in a sunlit outdoor scene. She wears a beige shirt, and the warm sunlight highlights her face and hair, creating a serene and thoughtful atmosphere.

Ok, so you probably aren’t entirely happy for your ex right now, or you wouldn’t be reading this article.

But you can try to be. You can think about how you cared for them – how you still care for them – and how, ultimately, you want what’s best for them.

One way you can do this is to say it out loud. Tell your friends or family that you are happy for your ex. Tell yourself this in your mind and in front of a mirror. The more you say it, the more you will feel it, and the easier it will be to cope with the fact that they have moved on.