You Might Be Pushing People Away By Doing These 12 Unsettling Things

Nobody wants to be around someone who does these things.

Two people are sitting at a wooden table in a conversation. The woman, wearing a light sweater, appears to be speaking with an expressive gesture, while the man, with curly hair, listens attentively. The setting is a cozy indoor space.

A magnet can attract or repel certain metals depending on which way it is oriented. Likewise, a person can pull in or push away others depending on the behaviors they are exhibiting. If you engage in any of the following behaviors, there’s a high chance other people are being repelled by you rather than drawn to you.

1. Being unreliable.

Two women are having a serious conversation outdoors. One woman with her back to the camera has long blonde hair and is wearing a maroon shirt. The other woman with long brown hair and wearing a blue tank top has a concerned expression and gesturing with her hands.

A person who is unreliable is someone you can’t trust. If you are asked to do a thing and you say yes, then you need to be the kind of person who follows through. If you aren’t, you will find that people will ask less of you, invite you less, and create distance. No one wants to give their valuable time in personal relationships to people they can’t trust or depend upon. Sooner or later they get tired of it.

2. Being overly critical.

Two men in suits stand on a path lined with trees, engaged in an animated conversation. One man gestures with his hand, raising his index finger, while the other has his hand in his pocket and appears to be listening intently. They are surrounded by greenery.

Not every opinion needs to be stated. Constantly pointing out flaws and mistakes in others makes them feel judged and inadequate. People with healthy boundaries do not tolerate that kind of behavior. Instead, they erect boundaries and enforce them, which means that the overly critical will be pushed outside of that boundary. Everyone has flaws. In many cases, it’s better to let them slide.

3. Acting arrogant or superior.

Two women, both with long dark hair, sit at an outdoor café. They are facing each other and smiling. Both are wearing light-colored tops and sunglasses on their heads. A partially filled glass with a red drink is on the table in front of them.

No one wants to be around someone who thinks they are better than others. It’s annoying at best. It’s okay to be proud of something, to feel good about something you did. The issue is when you start tearing people down to feel that. A good example is one-upmanship. If someone is sharing a victory, you don’t need to share your past experience, too. We need to let others have their moment to shine.

4. Interrupting people during conversations.

Two men having a conversation in an office. One is seated, wearing glasses, a blue blazer, and holding a smartphone. The other is standing, wearing a white turtleneck and resting his arm on the back of the chair, looking at the seated man.

Interrupting in a conversation shows a lack of respect for other people. It tells them that you don’t value or care about their thoughts by subtly showing them that you don’t want to hear them. That makes people feel unheard and unappreciated, and no one wants that. One needs to learn to wait their turn or find a pause before jumping into the conversation.

5. Gossiping and enjoying drama.

A woman with a puzzled expression looks off to the side as a man whispers in her ear. The woman is wearing an orange tank top, while the man is dressed in a green shirt. They stand against a plain, gray background.

Drama is only entertainment when it’s on the big screen or a stage. In real life, drama is often people having problems that they may be having a hard time dealing with. Relishing in other people’s drama is cruel. It’s finding enjoyment in their pain and suffering, as is whispering behind their back about their troubles. People who aren’t gossips don’t want to be involved with those who are.

6. Playing the victim.

A person with long hair wearing a white T-shirt and blue plaid shirt gestures with their right hand while speaking. They are indoors, and behind them are shelves with potted plants and a table. The image captures a moment of conversation.

Constantly portraying yourself as the victim not only drains others emotionally but it demonstrates that you can’t accept responsibility for your actions. It’s draining because most people aren’t looking for conflict, and they may already know it was your fault. Instead of calling you out on it, they will instead pull away from you, because why bother? Why bother engaging when you know the other person won’t be accountable?

7. Acting too needy or clingy.

Two people sit closely on a couch, with one person, wearing a yellow and white striped shirt, looking down and appearing distressed. The other person, with long hair and a beige sweater, has an arm around their shoulder, offering comfort. A plant is visible in the background.

Dependence on others for validation or attention can be overwhelming. Granted, it’s nice to feel valued and wanted, but there is a line to that. There are some people who cannot stand the thought of being alone for a little while. They require other people, or a particular person, to feel safe and secure. Healthy people are going to pull away from that because it’s exhausting.

8. Engaging in passive-aggressive behavior.

A man and woman sit on a couch facing away from each other. The man, wearing a blue t-shirt, has his hand on his forehead, appearing stressed. The woman, wearing a white t-shirt, looks away with her arms crossed, suggesting they are upset or having an argument.

Passive-aggressive behavior creates frustration. People with healthy boundaries and communication want to directly address problems when they arise. Behaviors such as bitterness disguised as sarcasm and the silent treatment only frustrate the person on the receiving end of them. These behaviors don’t work toward a reasonable resolution to the problem.

9. Overreacting to small issues.

Two women are indoors having a conversation. One woman with brown hair and wearing a red patterned top looks away, while the other woman with wavy hair and wearing a checkered button-up shirt makes a gesture with her hand, appearing a bit skeptical or bemused.

People tend to avoid others who overreact to minor issues. That kind of emotional reaction is stressful to be around. It causes people to walk on eggshells because you never know what’s going to set them off. Emotional resilience matters because other people don’t want to be around that kind of behavior. Granted, controlling emotional reactions is often easier said than done, but it still matters.

10. Always trying to one-up others.

A group of people sitting around a dining table, laughing and enjoying each other's company. They have wine glasses in hand, and the atmosphere is warm and cozy, with dim lighting and a festive background.

No one likes a one-upper. One-uppers are constantly trying to steal the spotlight from people who are just trying to share a bit of their joy. It communicates that you don’t value what that person has to say or their accomplishments. Naturally, that makes them feel bad, and no one wants to be around people who make them feel bad. They may either stop communicating or distance themselves altogether.

11. Being overly defensive.

Two people are facing each other outdoors against a metallic background. One has short blond hair and is wearing pink sunglasses and denim overalls. The other has long hair, a black hat with a patterned band, and round sunglasses, dressed in a red shirt.

Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes we need other people to point out those mistakes so we can correct them. That means we must be able to take feedback and criticism without getting too upset by it. People stop being honest with you if they think you’ll be upset if you are criticized at all. For most, it’s just not worth the time of navigating those feelings or the emotional effort required.

12. Not showing gratitude towards people.

A woman with curly hair is seated indoors, resting her head on her hand, looking thoughtful or concerned. She wears a green blouse and a white top. In the background, a person is sitting on the floor, blurred and out of focus. The mood is contemplative.

Taking people for granted or not acknowledging their efforts makes them feel undervalued. Basic respect goes a long way with most people. Something as simple as a please and thank you can make all the difference. Not showing gratitude for what people do for you is a quick way to get them to stop doing those things for you, or wanting to be around you at all.