If you want to be happy in love, don't settle for a partner with these 12 personality traits

Steer clear of relationships with people who display these traits.

A close-up of two people with intense shadows across their faces. The person in the foreground has closed eyes, and the person in the background has a beard and directs their gaze at the camera. Both wear white shirts.

When you think about sharing your life with someone, you need to recognize that you’ll be spending pretty much every single day with them, for better or worse. Do yourself a favor and don’t settle for a spouse who embodies any of the personality traits listed here.

1. Selfishness.

A man humorously eats a cake directly with his mouth while holding the plate. A woman beside him looks at the empty plate she's holding, pouting in mock disappointment. The background is bright pink.

Does your partner always grab the best or biggest item for themselves, and let you have what’s left? Or do they lavish money on themselves, but get irritated at the thought of spending anything on you? Unless you want to be treated like an afterthought forever, avoid people who display rampant selfishness.

2. Solipsism.

A woman with long blonde hair, wearing a yellow sleeveless top, looks at the camera with a slightly puzzled or serious expression. She has both her hands raised, pointing towards herself with her index fingers. The background is gray and plain.

This is also known as “main character” behavior. Essentially, the world revolves around them—their wants, their ideas, their beliefs—and anything that doesn’t fit into that perspective is wrong. They may even go so far as to inform you of what you think or feel and refuse to believe you when you argue otherwise.

3. Dishonesty.

A bearded man in a blue hoodie stands against a gray background, pointing to himself with both thumbs. A shadow on the wall behind him has an exaggerated long nose, evoking the imagery of Pinocchio, suggesting dishonesty or lying.

A partner who lies is a partner who can’t be trusted. Watch out for dishonesty early in the relationship, even if it’s “little white lies” about things like how much coffee they’ve had. If they lie to you about the little things, they won’t hesitate to lie to you about bigger issues as well.

4. Childishness.

A man in a suit and sunglasses playfully poses on a motorbike ride at a carousel, surrounded by painted animal figures like a giraffe and a horse. The background displays a fence and trees, suggesting an amusement park setting.

Unhinged temper tantrums are obnoxious to deal with when they’re coming from children, but they’re understandable because kids haven’t learned to regulate their emotions yet. When adults pitch screaming fits because things haven’t gone their way, it’s appalling, unacceptable behavior that nobody wants to deal with.

5. Destructive tendencies.

A frustrated man in a white shirt and tie is holding a laptop above his head as if about to throw it. He stands in a modern office space with a plant, bookshelf, and large window in the background.

Much like with the tantrums mentioned previously, childish people often throw or break things when they’re feeling frustrated. It’s bad enough if they’re breaking their own things, but if they see fit to punish you by destroying your belongings, that’s not okay by any stretch of the imagination.

6. Willful ignorance.

A man in a navy blue jacket stands against a solid teal background, shrugging with both hands out and a neutral expression.

A person who’s willfully ignorant (either about something in the world or their own behavior) will refuse to acknowledge a truth. For example, they might use something of yours without permission and then claim that they “didn’t know” that it was wrong to do so, thus absolving themselves of responsibility or blame.

7. A controlling nature.

A woman sits pensively on a couch, resting her chin on her hand, appearing upset. A man sits nearby, gesturing with one hand, seemingly talking to her. The room is softly lit, with shelves and decor in the background.

People who tell you what to do instead of asking, or try to control what you think or do, show you that they have little respect for you as a person. They don’t see you as an equal partner, but as an inferior who should do as you’re told, like a child or a pet.

8. Disloyalty.

A young man and an older woman are engaged in a discussion with a young woman in a living room. The young man appears expressive, the older woman seems concerned, and the young woman is listening. Bookshelves and a curtain are in the background.

A perfect example of this would be a partner who doesn’t have your back in a family argument, but instead sides with whoever is cutting you down. Similarly, if the two of you end up facing some difficulty together, they’re likely to abandon ship and leave you to deal with the mess on your own.

9. A lack of empathy.

A woman with curly blonde hair and wearing a polka dot blouse and black leather jacket stands in the foreground, looking to the side. In the background, a man with short dark hair and a beard, also in a leather jacket, leans on a green railing, looking away.

If you’re feeling ill, they might express annoyance that you won’t be able to go to the event that they wanted to attend, instead of asking how they can help to take care of you. Other people’s suffering annoys them, and they rarely feel compassion for what others are going through.

10. Disrespect.

A man and woman are engaged in a heated conversation. Both are wearing plaid shirts; the man in red and black, and the woman in red, black, and white. The woman has her hands raised in an expressive gesture, and both are standing against an orange background.

They’ll go through your things when you aren’t around, overstep boundaries, put you down in front of other people, and use language towards you that is completely unacceptable. Instead of respecting you as a sovereign being, they behave as though you’re their property and can be treated as they see fit.

11. Constant unconscious self-sabotage.

A person is clutching their stomach with both hands, appearing to experience abdominal pain. They are wearing a gray button-up shirt and blue jeans with a black belt. The background is blurred, putting focus on the individual's discomfort.

They might complain to you about their health or fitness level and need reassurance about it, but then sabotage any efforts at improvement. Similarly, they may have health issues that need addressing but they refuse to take any action towards doing so, putting you in a position of eternal soother and caregiver.

12. Infidelity.

A woman in a white tank top is holding a smartphone and looking thoughtfully to the side. In the background, a man is lying in bed, facing away and appearing to be asleep. The room has a dark backdrop, adding a contrasting element to the scene.

If the two of you have an open relationship or are consensually polyamorous, that’s cool—you likely have set boundaries and clear communication. If, however, you’re in a monogamous relationship and your partner makes a habit of cheating on you (and lying about it), you’ll never be able to trust them.