10 Unconscious Behaviors That Reveal A Self-Absorbed Person's True Colors

It’s actually quite easy to spot a self-absorbed person.

A bearded man in a black shirt stands in front of a mirror, creating a symmetrical reflection that blends his real image with the mirror. The black-and-white photograph emphasizes contrast and symmetry.

Some people seem to care only about themselves. What matters most to them is their thoughts, their opinions, their wishes, their voice, and so on. If they don’t have something to say on a subject, it’s not important to them. Want to know if you’re dealing with a self-absorbed person? Look for the following signs.

1. They interrupt other people constantly.

Two people sit at a café table with coffee cups and tablets. One person, in a light blue shirt, listens intently, while the other, in a red blouse, gestures expressively. Green plants hang from the ceiling, adding a touch of nature to the modern setting.

Self-absorbed people are rarely good listeners and conversationalists. A good conversation is two people contributing meaningfully to an exchange of ideas or stories. However, the self-absorbed person is more interested in talking at the other person than in hearing what they have to say. Instead, they are thinking about what they want to say next, waiting for the other person to stop talking so they can start again.

2. They never ask personal questions.

A man in a yellow shirt holds a coffee cup while sitting at an outdoor café table. He is engaging in a conversation with another person who is partially visible in the foreground. The background shows a street scene with trees and buildings.

One must ask personal questions if you really want to get to know someone or develop a friendship. It’s the only way to actually know someone past the superficial face that many of us put on for everyday, polite socialization. They will be glad to talk about themselves, their lives, and their problems or accomplishments but they never ask or care about yours.

3. They dominate the conversations they’re involved in.

Two women seated at a table, engaged in a conversation. The woman facing the camera gestures with her hand, wearing a white blouse. The setting appears to be an outdoor café or a business area with dark furniture.

A good conversation has multiple contributors, whether it’s two people or a group. A self-absorbed person won’t typically understand or care that other people have valuable opinions or experiences. Instead, they will be dismissive or ignore other people altogether. They will constantly try to bring the conversation back around to their opinions and experiences rather than share the spotlight.

4. They constantly seek external validation.

Two women are sitting and engaged in a lively conversation outdoors. One has long black hair and is wearing a white sweater, while the other has blonde hair and is dressed in a yellow sweater, holding a book on her lap. Green foliage and building structures are in the background.

Many self-absorbed people want others to think of them as high value or with exceptional worth. As a result, they may constantly remind other people about their achievements or notable happenings in their life. They may also do things like name-drop famous or notable people to make themselves seem more important and impress other people.

5. They may appear to lack empathy.

Woman with hoop earrings conversing with a man in a dimly lit cafe. She gestures with her hand, appearing engaged in the discussion. The background is softly blurred with decorative lights.

Empathy is hard for a self-absorbed person because they are typically only interested in their own feelings. They are dismissive or indifferent to others’ feelings because it doesn’t focus on their emotions or issues. This differs from disorders that render a person incapable of feeling empathy at all. In many cases, a self-absorbed person can learn empathy if they realize that it’s a shortcoming and view it as something to correct. But many don’t.

6. They do not react well to constructive criticism.

A woman with short hair and a white turtleneck gestures with both hands, pointing her index fingers upwards. She is engaged in a conversation with a man whose back is to the camera. They are indoors with pillows in the background.

One needs self-awareness to understand and admit they’re wrong. One needs an open mind to be willing to accept outside criticism in the first place. A self-absorbed person will struggle to accept that they might be wrong, so they may react defensively or aggressively to feedback that they don’t like. Of course, they are perfectly fine with positive feedback and even encourage it.

7. They often embellish or lie about achievements.

Four women are sitting and smiling while using chopsticks at a restaurant. They appear to be enjoying a meal and engaging in lively conversation. The background features decorative patterns. One woman wears a green dress, another purple, and the others orange and yellow.

Some may exaggerate details about an achievement to make themselves look better in the situation. In other cases, they may fabricate achievements or lie altogether about what they’ve accomplished. This behavior is more prevalent in group settings where they can claim to have done most of the work or carried the project all on their own. They may also take credit for others’ work or accomplishments.

8. They may display superficial charm.

Two women are sitting by a window, smiling and talking while holding disposable coffee cups. They appear to be enjoying a casual conversation, dressed in light-colored tops, with natural light streaming in from outside.

A self-absorbed person is often a manipulator. They view themselves as most important and want to influence others to think the same way. Thus, they use superficial charm to build connection and foster admiration, but their relationships are surface level. If they weren’t surface level, then the other people involved would be able to see that they aren’t the perfect image that they project.

9. They frequently complain about being overlooked and ignored.

Four women in colorful retro clothing engaged in an animated conversation. The older woman on the left has white hair and wears pearls. The woman in the center right, with afro-textured hair, appears to be making a surprised or expressive face. The others listen intently.

Sympathy is one way for the self-absorbed person to bring the attention back to themselves. They practice victimhood so that other people will view them as important and give them attention. That can happen in a personal or professional setting. In a personal setting, it may be about how their friends and family treat them badly. In a professional setting, it may be more about all the work they do with no appreciation.

10. They ignore social cues that would contradict them.

A woman with short hair is sitting at a table, resting her elbow on the table and her head on her hand while yawning. A person with a blurred face is seated across from her. The background includes blurred decor and a window.

People normally show—consciously or unconsciously—when they are uncomfortable, bored, or otherwise done with a conversation. A self-absorbed person won’t notice or care about these social cues because they don’t care about how other people feel. Instead, they will continue talking about whatever they are talking about regardless of how other people feel about it. They may also blatantly disregard others’ feelings of discomfort as unimportant.