12 Subtle Toxic Behaviors That Most People Choose To Ignore Or Excuse

Don’t overlook these subtle toxic behaviors.

A person with long hair and glasses is adjusting their frames while standing outdoors. The background is a blurred forest, creating a natural, serene setting. The person appears thoughtful and focused.

Many people say that they wish they’d recognized toxic behavior for what it is when it first came up, as that would have saved them a lot of grief in their relationships. But all too often, people choose to either ignore or make excuses for the behavior of others rather than seeing the truth and doing something about it. Here are 12 somewhat subtle behaviors that are actually red flags for wider toxicity.

1. Answering others on your behalf.

Three women are sitting around a table with white mugs, engaged in a conversation. One of them, with long brown hair, gestures animatedly while speaking, looking at the other two. They are in a bright room with white walls and furniture.

If someone asks you a direct question, does your partner or parent answer it for you even though you’re perfectly capable of speaking for yourself? This is a type of dominative or controlling behavior: on a fundamental level, they’re preventing you from speaking while simultaneously controlling the narrative about you.

2. Making assumptions and accusations instead of asking with respect.

Two women are sitting across from each other at a table in a bright indoor space. One woman, facing forward, is attentive, while the other has her back to the camera. A potted plant is partially visible in the foreground.

You may have encountered people who inform you of what you think or feel rather than asking you about it. Or someone who gets upset with you because they thought you did something, even though their accusations have no basis in reality. This is massively disrespectful, and can be downright abusive depending on the circumstances.

3. Informing you of decisions rather than involving you in the decision-making process.

Two women are seated at a wooden table in a modern café with large windows. The woman on the left is wearing a red sweater and smiling, while the woman on the right, in a brown jacket, is gesturing with her hands as she speaks.

If a person in your life makes decisions about things that you’ll be doing together, instead of involving you in the planning process, it implies that not only do they not respect your input, but they want things to happen on their terms, and for you to fall into line accordingly.

4. Summarily dismissing other people’s concerns out of hand.

A red-haired man with a beard wearing an orange shirt makes a serious face while holding up his index finger. He stands in front of a white bookshelf with plants and books.

A lot of people will brush off others’ concerns without even considering that there may be some validity to what they’re saying. Their immediate response is to dismiss others’ input as being over-emotional, dramatic, irrational, or even stupid, thereby invalidating perspectives that could be vitally important in the situation.

5. Toxic positivity.

A smiling man with short dark hair and a beard is wearing a yellow shirt and a black jacket. He is standing outdoors with a blurred background of buildings and trees on a cloudy day.

Some folks refuse to engage with anything they consider to be negative or “triggering”, and demand that others adhere to “good vibes only” behaviors at all times. This is harmful to everyone, as it ignores the reality of feelings like fear or grief, with the expectation of insincere, performative joy at all times.

6. Being hostile and judgmental due to insecurity.

A man with messy dark hair and blue eyes looks into the camera with a confused expression, wearing a white T-shirt. The background is a plain light gray.

You’ve likely heard people say things such as “you think you’re better than me!”, or statements that imply someone at work got the promotion they wanted via nefarious or immoral avenues. This is incredibly toxic behavior, as it alienates and degrades anyone who makes this person feel inferior or insecure.

7. Absolutism.

Two women talking in a kitchen. One holds a mug, gesturing with her hand, while the other looks at her while holding a smartphone. A fruit basket and a glass of red juice are on the counter.

They’ll make a statement that may have no basis in actual fact, and then assert that anyone who disagrees with them is either some type of -ist or -phobe to silence those with dissenting opinions. For example, something like: “Ketchup is a vegetable, and anyone who thinks otherwise is ableist and hates vegans”.

8. Passive-aggressive manipulation.

A woman is sitting on a couch, pointing her finger and talking to a man next to her who has his arms crossed and an unhappy expression. Both are casually dressed in a white T-shirt and jeans. The background shows a decorated living room.

People who use behavior like this tend to hone in on others’ insecurities and use them as manipulative leverage. For example, if someone doesn’t have many friends, one of their acquaintances might subtly imply that they won’t be invited out with the group anymore if they don’t conform to that person’s wants or expectations.

9. Weaponizing victimhood.

Two women are sitting together on a wooden bench. One woman with long, gray hair is talking to the other woman, who has long, black hair and is looking up with a thoughtful expression. Both are wearing beige coats. The background is slightly blurred but suggests an outdoor setting.

They’ll antagonize others and then behave as though they’re the injured party if they face consequences for their actions. Basically, they act like a child who’s atrocious to others on a playground, eventually gets beaten up, and then runs crying to an adult insisting that they did nothing wrong and were assaulted for no reason.

10. Sincere amusement at others’ pain or misfortune.

Most of us feel a bit of Schadenfreude at times, such as having a giggle if someone belly flops at the pool. This is quite different from someone who smirks or laughs when and if a person experiences real pain or difficulty, such as a terminal illness or a house fire.

11. All their misfortunes are someone else’s fault.

Close-up of a hand pointing directly towards the camera. The background is blurred, making it hard to discern any specific details, but it appears to be outdoors with a mix of green and other indistinct colors. The person’s face is slightly visible but out of focus.

Their relationships have failed because all their exes are crazy. They lost various jobs because their bosses hated them and their coworkers conspired against them. Essentially, they’ve had zero responsibility for anything that’s gone poorly in their lives, and they hold immense resentment towards others for ruining things for them.

12. Ingratitude.

Two women are having a discussion in a modern office setting. One woman, holding a notebook, is wearing a yellow top and the other, holding papers, is dressed in a striped shirt. The background features an open workspace with desks, chairs, and large windows.

They won’t say “thank you” if their partner does something nice, nor when waitstaff serve their food. They seem to have an immense sense of entitlement and might even be rude or get angry about a gift they’re given if it’s the wrong color, or if they were expecting something “better”.