Look out for these 9 signs of unhealthy attachment.
It can be hard to figure out where to draw the line between a partner who is affectionate, loving, and wants to spend time with you, and a partner who has developed an unhealthy attachment to you.
After all, “clinginess” is very much a matter of perspective.
Some people are more independent and need more space than others do, so what is healthy or not is definitely on a spectrum. Added to that, having a clingy partner can be a tricky thing to deal with, so a lot of us choose to ignore the signs until it’s too late.
If you’re unsure whether your partner is crossing into the danger zone, look out for these telltale signs.
1. Their texts are unrelenting.
Some couples text more, and some text less, but your partner needs to be constantly in touch with you by text – all day, every day. This is a red flag for clinginess according to relationship experts, Relate. They get worried, nervous, or angry when you don’t text them back quickly enough. They like to know exactly where you are at all times and hate it when they can’t get hold of you.
2. They’ve stopped spending time with friends and family.
One of the biggest problems when someone develops an unhealthy attachment to you is that you become the center of their world. They stop making an effort with everyone else they love. They don’t bother to see their family and friends anymore, and you seem to be enough for them.
3. They’ve given up their hobbies.
They used to have interests before you met, but they’ve let them slide. They’d rather spend all of their time with you than keep doing all the things they used to love before the two of you got together.
They might have even exchanged their own hobbies for yours, happily coming along with you to do whatever it is that interests you, whether or not they genuinely want to be there (or whether you want them there).
4. They don’t like it when you do things that don’t include them.
They’ve stopped prioritizing their friends, family, and hobbies, so they make you feel like you should be doing the same. They might have made it clear that they don’t like you spending time with your friends, or would rather you didn’t keep going to that evening class.
5. They need constant reassurance.
No matter how many times you tell them you love them and how much you try to show them that, they need constant reassurance that you haven’t fallen out of love with them in the last five minutes.
6. They’re always there.
They always assume that they’re invited to things, even if you thought you’d be going alone. They believe that the two of you now always do everything together. You come as a pair.
7. They’re jealous.
A little bit of jealousy now and again is only natural in any relationship, but it shouldn’t be a constant theme. There should be trust between you, but they seem to always be convinced that there’s something to be jealous of. They don’t like it when you spend time with anyone who they perceive as a possible threat, like an attractive friend or co-worker.
8. They stalk your social media.
It’s normal for your partner to like your posts or share things with you. But you’ve noticed that they’ve started digging through your past posts and don’t bother to disguise the fact they’re doing it.
They can’t resist asking you questions about that guy who commented on your Instagram picture five years ago or the woman you’re friends with on Facebook.
9. They don’t seem to have their own opinions anymore.
The sad fact is that if someone is insecure in a relationship, they won’t dare to voice any opinions that they know you won’t agree with.
They’ve stopped disagreeing with you on political points or have adopted some of your social and religious beliefs, under the impression that it will make you love them more.
Finally…
So there you have it. If your partner had had their way, they’d spend all their free time with you.
They might be clingy physically, constantly needing to be shown physical affection.
They might always want to be in text contact.
They might never make any plans that don’t involve you.
And they might lose interest in anything that isn’t to do with you, neglecting their family and friends.
None of which is healthy.
Much as we might love someone, we all need to have our personal space.
Our lives should never revolve entirely around one other person, and our happiness shouldn’t depend on our partner.
Whilst it’s wonderful to blend your life with the one you love and put time and effort into your relationship, you should also think of your own needs, and of all the other people you love.
From the other perspective, someone wanting to spend all their time with you can be very flattering to begin with, and it can be easy to get swept up in an intense relationship…
…but sooner or later you’ll start feeling overwhelmed by it and want to pull away and withdraw.
So, if you want things to last between you, it’s important to recognize the signs of clinginess and take action early on.
