If you lack these 10 communication skills, it’s holding you back in life

Practice these skills or risk placing limits on your life.

Two women sit across from each other at a wooden table in a café, engaging in conversation. One woman with red hair listens while the other gestures expressively. They each have a small cup of coffee in front of them.

Communication is one of the most valuable skills we can possess. It can open doors for us and create opportunities that little else can. But lacking certain communication skills can close doors for us. It can hold us back and keep us from reaching our true potential.

Here are 10 communication skills, that if lacking, will hold you back in life.

1. Listening to what the other person is saying, rather than preparing your own response.

A young woman with long brown hair and wearing a blue sweater is smiling while listening attentively to an unseen person gesturing in the foreground. They are outdoors, with a calm, sunlit setting and buildings in the background.

When someone is speaking, they can rightfully assume that you’re listening to them and want to know what they have to say. But it’s nearly impossible to truly listen if we’re using our brain to formulate our response.

For the duration of their speaking, we should focus our thoughts on the content of their words. This will not only convey that we really care about what is on their mind, but we will have a much better grasp of what actually IS on their mind.

It’s been said that “the most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”

Dr. Joyce Brothers made the insightful observation that, “Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.”

2. Speaking with clarity.

A woman wearing glasses and a white polka dot blouse is sitting and talking to another person whose back is to the camera. She appears engaged in the conversation, gesturing with her hand, in a bright, modern room.

We live in a world of nearly constant verbal noise. Much of what we hear is confusing, ambiguous, and sometimes intentionally deceitful.

When we do the speaking ourselves, we won’t want to add to the cacophony around us. We will want to be as clear as we can be, so that we’re understood.

If we don’t speak with clarity, we will stifle the opportunity for other people to understand us. Sometimes we will miss the opportunity to advance our own goals and purposes.

3. Letting the speaker complete their thoughts through their own words.

A woman with dark hair tied back is holding a cup and listening attentively to another person in the foreground who is also holding a cup. They appear to be having a conversation outdoors with green foliage and trees in the background.

When we’re in dialogue with another person, we should let them complete their own thoughts through their own words. Put another way—don’t interrupt the speaker.

Unless you have a plane to catch, or there’s something boiling over on the stove, let the speaker finish their words. Don’t cut them off. Don’t complete their sentences for them.

Why? It’s more respectful. It’s more polite. And it gives them the opportunity to express their full and complete thoughts. You’ll want them to return the favor when it’s your turn to speak.

4. Asking questions that can reveal what is actually on the mind of the speaker.

Two people are sitting in a cozy living room, engaged in conversation. One person holds a notebook and pen, while a coffee cup is on the table between them. They are both wearing checkered shirts, and there's a TV mounted on the wall.

Of course, questions are not necessary in discussions. We can simply wait until the other person hits upon what we’d like to know. They just might hit it at some point. More likely, however, they will miss it mostly or entirely.

A much better approach is for you to ask questions. A good question can help focus the discussion so that you don’t get lost in the words. It can also assist you in finding out what you need to know.

It’s frustrating to listen to people carry on a discussion that’s riddled with confusion, misunderstanding, and unnecessary labor. How much better it would be to direct a specific question to the other person.

The question can be direct without being rude or confrontational. But this art usually requires practice and experience. But it’s a skill that is invaluable in the communication process.

5. Adequately preparing what you intend to say and how you intend to say it.

A woman in a beige dress stands at a podium with a microphone in hand, facing a blurred audience in a conference room. Vertical, yellow and gray curtains are visible in the background.

If we have the awesome privilege of speaking to groups large or small, we should devote adequate time to preparing our remarks. Nobody wants to be on the receiving end of convoluted, confusing, and ill-prepared speeches and presentations.

Do your audience a big favor and carefully prepare what you want to say. There is a wealth of helpful tips on how to do this well. Find out who today’s best speakers are and adopt their good qualities for your own use.

A great source for learning how to speak well is the nearly limitless number of TED Talks. These talks are concise, informative, focused, and clear. They are often entertaining.

Watch them and learn how the best speakers apply their skill. It’s a direct and painless path to improving your public speaking ability.

6. Keeping your explanations simple, to the point, and not too wordy.

A man in a red shirt enthusiastically gestures while holding a piece of paper in a social setting. Two other people, a woman and a man, stand nearby, engaged in conversation. They are indoors, with modern pendant lights overhead.

There’s an old witticism that addresses this point. The story is told of a particular person, who when asked what time it is, gives you the history of Swiss watchmaking.

Now, the day may come when we are interested in hearing the history of Swiss watchmaking. But what we nearly always want to know when we ask the time is what time it is.

When we’re asked to explain something, or we’re asked a question, we should work hard at keeping our response simple and avoid needless complication.

Albert Einstein is claimed to have said that everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler. We don’t want to oversimplify complex ideas and truths. Nor do we want to make simple things more complicated than necessary.

Committing either of these errors on a regular basis will hold us back in life. So keep it simple. But not too simple.

We should strive to become a person who has something to say—not just a person who has to say something.

7. Speaking in a respectful tone that is not condescending or demeaning.

Four people sit at an outdoor café table, engaged in conversation and smiling. One person is holding a phone, while the others appear relaxed and attentive, creating a casual and friendly atmosphere.

I’ve never met anyone who wants to be talked down to; who enjoys being spoken to in an insulting or demeaning way. We want to be assured that those who are speaking to us are respectful of who we are and what we have to say.

It’s been said that every person we meet will know something we don’t know. This is good reason to speak to them respectfully and as if they have something to contribute to the conversation. They just might.

8. Using expressions that help clarify our understanding.

A woman with glasses and a thoughtful expression is sitting on a couch, holding a white teacup. She is indoors in a cozy, well-lit living room with soft furnishings and a lamp in the background.

Conversations can sometimes be confusing. It may be the result of poor communication skills on the part of the speaker. Or the listener may not have adequate knowledge or insight into the subject under discussion.

This is why we should get into the habit of using expressions that can help clarify our understanding. Some examples include:

— This is what I hear you saying, am I hearing correctly?

— Can you please repeat what you just said?

— I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying, can you clarify for me?

If this merely lets the person you’re speaking with know that you care enough to understand, it will be worth the effort.

9. Being careful to avoid words that are knowingly inflammatory or might trigger a hostile response.

A group of three people stand in an office setting having a conversation. Two men and one woman are dressed in business casual attire. They are smiling, and in the background, other people are working at tables.

It’s impossible to always anticipate the reaction our words might evoke. But we can at least avoid words or expressions that are likely to trigger a hostile or angry response.

This doesn’t mean we need to walk on eggshells or handle everyone with kid gloves. It does mean we should be sensitive to the words we use and the expressions we utter.

Conversations that disintegrate into shouting, accusations, and harsh words are seldom productive. And they can be immensely harmful.

10. Citing as true only what you have verified as true.

A woman in a blue shirt holds a coffee cup while engaging in conversation with someone off-camera. She appears animated and is using hand gestures. The background shows blurred windows with decorative patterns.

We are currently in an epidemic of distortion, misinformation, and blatant lies. The sources seem limitless. The internet, podcasts, YouTube, X, news programs, print medium. Did I mention politics?

It seems at times that the average person has lost the ability to do objective critical thinking. Much of what we hear is little more than a parroting of what was heard previously somewhere else.

It would be hopelessly idealistic to think this tide of misinformation and disinformation will ever be fully contained. But we can at least not add to the problem.

When we speak, we should not be loose with the facts or the truth. If we aren’t sure about something, we should admit it. We should be honest when we have limited information or knowledge.

If it’s something you heard, then say it’s something you heard. If it’s something you read, then say it’s something you read. And be prepared and willing to say where you heard or read it.

But avoid claiming something as true or accurate or reliable when there’s no basis for such certainty. It’s okay to say “I don’t know.” In fact, it would be refreshing to hear it more often than we do.

Conclusion

A woman with red hair is speaking and gesturing with her hands during a meeting. She is seated at a table with three colleagues, who are listening attentively. They are all wearing business casual attire and have papers in front of them.

Sydney J. Harris was an American journalist for many years. He rightly pointed out that “information is giving out; communication is getting through.”

The goal of communication is to “get through.” Both as a sender and as a receiver.

If we want to better ensure that we aren’t held back in life, we should be sure that we don’t lack these 10 communication skills.