People who are emotionally draining to be around display these 12 behaviors

Some people suck the life out of you.

A woman with short dark hair, wearing hoop earrings and a light sweater, is sitting and holding a mug. She is gesturing with her other hand, pointing upwards, and appears to be engaged in conversation with a person blurred in the foreground.

Some people are the social equivalent of black holes—they suck in the energy of everyone around them. But, unlike black holes, it is possible to escape from their clutches if you remain alert to their presence. Beyond experiencing their energy-sapping ways directly, you can keep your eyes peeled for these behaviors.

1. They never have anything positive to say.

A man and woman sit at an outdoor café table engaged in conversation. The man has a shaved head and wears sunglasses, while the woman has glasses and her hair in a ponytail. Sunlight illuminates the scene, with greenery visible in the background.

These individuals consistently focus on the worst in everything. Do you want to try out a new activity? It’ll work out badly, they’re sure of it. They complain all the time, about anything and everything. They can never see the good in things, no matter how obvious. These people are emotionally draining because negativity creates negativity. You won’t want to do things if you are depressed, unhappy, and unmotivated because you won’t feel it’s worthwhile.

2. They are constantly needy.

A man in a striped shirt kneels on a wooden floor, holding onto someone else's legs, looking up with a pleading expression. The person he's holding wears blue pants and a plaid shirt.

Neediness saps your energy because you constantly have to focus on the needy person. They demand a lot of support and attention to feel good, needing that external validation to make themselves feel valuable. They may be dependent on you to solve their problems, not even trying because they can come to you and you’ll solve the problem for them.

3. They are always the victim.

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It doesn’t matter what happens, it’s always the fault of someone else, tangible or not. If it’s not a person, then it’s life being unfair or singling them out for suffering. They always need other people to feel bad for them because they need that negative attention to feed their own emotional battery. And, of course, if you set a boundary then you are the one who is being mean or unkind to them.

4. They create drama or gossip.

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Most people don’t enjoy drama or gossip. People who do often find themselves surrounded by unhealthy relationships with other people who also enjoy it. If there isn’t any drama going on, they may create some or stir the pot to get something going. These people are often stoking anger and misery for their own entertainment, and those negative emotions are draining.

5. They have no empathy for you or others.

A woman with long hair, wearing a white blouse, stands outdoors in front of a metal and plant backdrop. She has her arms slightly raised with a neutral expression, facing another person with brown hair in the foreground.

Emotional vampires show little to no interest in your feelings. They often have a hard time relating to other people, focusing mostly on their own emotions and experiences. In many cases, they will ask about you and your life but not actually listen. Instead, their action is performative. They ask so they can look like they care, but they are just waiting for you to stop talking so they can talk about themselves.

6. They use guilt-tripping to manipulate you.

Two women sit on a park bench. The woman on the left appears upset, holding a tissue to wipe her tears, while the woman on the right, wearing a colorful scarf, offers comfort by placing a hand on her shoulder. Trees and a path are visible in the background.

A guilt-trip is a trademark sign of an emotionally draining person. They don’t care about what you have going on in your life or how you feel. Instead, you are a tool they need to accomplish their goals. They use your feelings of guilt and obligation against you. That fosters and creates these negative emotions, making you feel like you aren’t good enough.

7. They give constant, unwanted criticism.

Two men are sitting and talking in a bright room with large windows. One man on the right holds a tablet and papers while looking at the man on the left, who gestures with his hand. Both wear blue shirts and appear engaged in a discussion.

No one wants to be criticized constantly, or unless asked for. An emotional vampire will habitually point out your flaws and mistakes to make you feel inadequate. Their judgment is meant to bring you into compliance with their wishes by wearing down your emotional reserves. They always have something to say about you, what you’re doing with your life, or even the relationships you have with other people.

8. They are prone to emotional outbursts.

Two women are sitting on a couch. The woman on the left looks bored or uninterested, resting her chin on her hand. The woman on the right is animatedly talking or shouting at the other woman, with an intense facial expression and hand gestures.

Meltdowns and mood swings are draining because they force you to walk on eggshells so as not to trigger them. The other person’s lack of emotional control forces you to exert all that energy just to keep the peace, which gives them a tool to manipulate you with. Not only that, but you also have to expend the energy to deal with whatever their emotional outburst is about if they do have a meltdown.

9. They are unable to listen to you.

A man and a woman sit at a table, engaged in lively conversation. The man wears an orange shirt and has a thoughtful expression. The woman, in a white top, smiles. Papers and drinks are on the table, suggesting a casual meeting.

Conversations are often one-sided. They may ask shallow questions of you and then not pay attention to the answers at all. Their disinterest is communicating that they just don’t care about how you’re feeling. In healthy relationships, both people should be trying to lift each other up. These people may also just talk and talk without letting anyone else say anything.

10. They constantly overstep your boundaries.

Two women with blonde hair are indoors, having a serious discussion. The woman on the left, gesturing with her hand, appears to be speaking, while the woman on the right, sitting on a couch or bed, looks away with a thoughtful or dissatisfied expression.

Enforcing boundaries regularly is emotionally draining. It’s one thing for someone to accidentally step over a boundary and then correct their behavior. It’s quite a different thing when they constantly do it, forcing you to perform that emotional labor to keep your personal space safe and secure. By doing so, they are trying to wear you down so that you will comply with their wishes.

11. They depend on external validation.

Three people are sitting on a couch having a discussion. The two facing the camera look attentive, while the person with their back to the camera gestures with their hand. They are in an indoor setting with plants in the background.

A constant need for reassurance and praise forces you to constantly think about them and their demands. A person who needs this kind of validation drains your time, energy, and resources as you need to focus on them and their feelings. In many cases, they do not return the favor at all. Even if you don’t need external validation, there are plenty of ways that they could pour into your cup, but they don’t.

12. They have unsolvable problems.

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Any solution you offer to an issue they have will not work. In most cases, the person doesn’t try to truly change or solve their problem. Instead, they want to dwell in their struggles because it gives them a reason to complain and draw attention to themselves. They will ask for advice but never take it. Even if they agree, their actions won’t align with attempting to fix their problems.