12 Signs Someone Is Putting On A Brave Face To Conceal Their Inner Pain

Someone is secretly hurting if they exhibit lots of these behaviors.

A woman with long blonde hair, wearing a black lace top, is sitting in a reflective setting. Soft lighting creates a dreamy, blurred effect with her reflection visible in the background.

Sometimes it’s difficult to determine whether someone’s suffering or not. Although some might complain bitterly about what they’re going through, others might be stoic and not admit just how bad things are. Keep an eye out for the following signs, as they often indicate that someone is suffering badly behind the mask they’re wearing.

1. “I’m fine”.

A man with a worried expression rests his head on one hand while a woman stands behind him with a concerned look, gently placing her hand on his shoulder. They are in a bright room and both appear to be in a serious conversation.

Many people who are dealing with excruciating pain—be it physical, mental, or emotional—will insist that they’re doing just fine if anyone asks them. They don’t want to complain about what’s going on or draw anyone’s pity, so they’ll say they’re perfectly okay and keep on carrying on.

2. They’re quieter than usual.

A person wearing a dark blue hoodie is sitting with their head resting on one hand, looking down thoughtfully or pensively. The background is neutral and out of focus.

If you’ve ever hurt yourself badly, you likely became very still and quiet until the pain eased off enough for you to function again. Those dealing with chronic pain of any variety often go quiet for the same reason: they’re so overwhelmed by what’s going on with them that they simply can’t function normally.

3. Alternatively, they may be louder than usual.

A group of six people sitting around a table in a warmly lit cafe, engaged in lively conversation and laughter. One person is standing, smiling, and talking animatedly while the others listen and respond with smiles and gestures.

Depending on the type of pain they’re experiencing (and the type of person they are), they may go loud instead of going quiet. For example, they may overcompensate for their distress by cracking jokes and talking more than they normally do—especially about topics that are out of character for them.

4. More generosity than usual.

An older man wearing a red beanie and gloves, wrapped in a blanket, sits on the street smiling and talking with a younger man in a suit holding a coffee cup. The younger man shows something on his phone, and they appear to be enjoying a friendly conversation.

Someone who’s hurting deeply might start to focus on the end that’s in sight, and become more generous towards their loved ones. For instance, they might cash in their retirement savings and dole that out to nieces and nephews, or give away prized possessions to dear friends of theirs.

5. They’re being workaholics.

A man sitting at a desk, leaning his head on his hand and looking at his phone with a tired expression. He is surrounded by work-related items, including papers with charts and graphs, a pen, and office supplies. There is a window in the background.

For many people, immersing themselves in work is an ideal way to distract themselves from their personal struggles. They feel as though they’re being productive with whatever time and energy they have left, and if they’re completely focused on work, intrusive thoughts won’t have any space to gain egress.

6. They keep changing aesthetics.

A person with long, vibrant blue hair and glasses is standing beside a wire fence, gazing thoughtfully through it. They are wearing an orange hoodie and appear to be near a beach,with the sea and sky visible in the background.

This person might change their hairstyle or color on a weekly basis, try out a wide variety of different wardrobe styles, or keep rearranging their furniture. Since they have little control over what’s going on inside them, they try to take control of their external world instead, in whatever ways they can.

7. They throw themselves into hobbies and passions (or pursue new ones).

A person with short red hair is meticulously sculpting a clay pot on a table in a pottery studio. The individual is dressed in a white, long-sleeved shirt and surrounded by various pottery tools and shelves filled with pottery items in the background.

If they’ve always been interested in a particular hobby or art form, they might put all their time and energy towards it now because it brings them joy and fulfillment. Alternatively, they may have gotten bored of the same old pursuits and are now doing something totally different.

8. They start to share inspirational memes online.

They may try to inspire others by posting inspirational quotes and photos online. These might be in line with their personality, or may seem completely out of character—as an example, someone whose sense of humor has always been dark might be posting about puppies and kittens with complete sincerity.

9. They refuse to talk about what’s hurting them.

A woman sits on a chair, looking down with a pensive expression. A person beside her places a comforting hand on her shoulder. The background features bright natural light coming through a window, softly illuminating the scene.

Many people who are struggling badly with internal pain or trauma will refuse to discuss what’s hurting them. If someone brings up the subject, they’ll change it immediately and turn the conversation towards something more positive and uplifting. Should the person insist on discussing things, they may simply get up and leave.

10. Alternatively, they may focus on all the positivity associated with the grief.

A woman with long hair smiles warmly at the camera. She is wearing a white and black patterned dress. In the background, there are palm trees and a sandy landscape under a clear sky.

They might try to overcompensate for the pain they’re dealing with by insisting that what they’re experiencing is a blessing. For instance, they might talk about the wonderful lessons they’re learning from living with a chronic illness, or that caring for a special needs family member 24/7 is an honor and a gift.

11. They may dedicate all their energy to a cause related to their inner pain.

A worried man in a white shirt sits on a chair, leaning forward with his hands clasped. A young man in a light blue shirt holds a tablet and places his hand on the man's shoulder. A woman in a green dress also comforts the man with her hand on his other shoulder.

A person who’s been damaged by a drunk driver might dedicate themselves to battling alcohol addiction. Similarly, someone who’s dealing with a challenging cancer diagnosis might spend all their time fundraising for cancer research and cheering up chemo patients as a means of alleviating their own inner pain and grief.

12. They catch religion.

A woman dressed in a black abaya and hijab holds a string of prayer beads in her hands. She is standing inside a modern, light-colored room with wooden furniture and a small potted plant in the background. The focus is on her upper body, hands, and prayer beads.

Keep an eye out for uncharacteristic spiritual inclinations, such as someone who’s been an atheist for years suddenly posting religious memes online. Many revert to faiths that they were raised with, but some might choose to go in a completely different direction instead, like a Catholic embracing Tibetan Buddhism with their entire being.