People who accidentally burn every bridge they build usually have these 10 traits

These traits are the match that sets the bridge on fire.

A man sits on a brown leather couch with his legs crossed, resting his elbow on the armrest and covering his eyes with his hand. The background is a dark, muted wall, creating a somber atmosphere.

Sometimes, a person might take the scorched earth approach to a relationship and destroy it completely, on purpose. But quite often, people burn bridges with their friends, colleagues, lovers, and even their families, all by accident. If this happens, it is usually because that person exhibits many or all of the following traits.

1. Poor communication skills.

A woman in a yellow shirt sits thoughtfully on a couch, resting her chin on her hand. A man in a blue sweater sits beside her, gesturing with open arms. They appear to be having a serious conversation in a bright living room.

Problems in relationships require good communication to navigate and find solutions to. However, people with poor communication skills don’t necessarily know how to express themselves or receive what the other person is saying. As a result, they may end up burning the bridge because they are just unable to communicate their way to a fair solution that both parties can accept.

2. Impulsiveness.

Three friends are sitting outdoors at a restaurant table, enjoying food and drinks. Two women and a man engage in lively conversation. The table is filled with plates of food, and there is a sunny atmosphere with palm trees in the background.

Impulsiveness causes people to act and speak without thinking. They often say or do things they later regret, harming relationships until they are damaged so much that the relationship breaks. Disagreements happen, but they need to happen respectfully. People who speak without thinking run the risk of saying something that they can’t take back, permanently changing the relationship.

3. Inconsistency.

A man with short hair and a beard, dressed in a white t-shirt and an orange button-up shirt, stands outdoors by a railing, looking at his smartwatch. Trees and a pedestrian path are visible in the background.

Healthy relationships require some form of consistency. Few people are going to try to maintain a relationship with someone who can’t be counted on. Trust erodes every time the person makes a promise they don’t keep—whether that’s not doing a particular thing or simply not turning up when they say they will. Eventually, all the trust is gone and there is nothing left for the relationship to stand on.

4. Defensiveness.

Four people sitting on a couch engaged in a heated discussion. A woman in the center appears frustrated, while the others express confusion and disagreement. They are in a well-lit room, suggesting a serious conversation.

Any feedback or constructive criticism is interpreted as a personal attack. That will typically cause the person to respond with hostility or withdraw from the relationship altogether. In relationships of all kinds, this often comes down to what is happening in the relationship. One person should be able to express when their needs aren’t being met to the other without it spiraling into a fight.

5. Self-centeredness.

A woman with long, wavy blonde hair is looking directly at the camera with a surprised and slightly puzzled expression. She is wearing a light pink tank top and pointing at herself with her right hand. The background is a plain grey wall.

A relationship is damaged if one person prioritizes their needs and desires over the other’s. It’s important to have a healthy boundary in how much you give. However, if you don’t give anything back or severely limit what you’re giving, other people will feel used and undervalued. No one wants to be around other people who aren’t providing any value to their life.

6. Chronic negativity.

Two women are engaged in a conversation at an office table. One woman with curly hair and glasses is speaking, holding a pen. The other woman, with straight hair, listens attentively with her chin resting on her hand. A laptop and pink mug are on the table.

Anytime there is a problem, all they can do is focus on the negativity. There is a problem for every solution and all they do is complain. Sometimes people need to vent, and that’s alright. It’s when the person constantly vents or refuses to try to fix the problems they’re experiencing that it becomes a problem. Chronic negativity drags other people down and healthy people don’t want that.

7. Lack of accountability.

A woman with long dark hair, wearing a white shirt, is standing in a kitchen with her hands raised in an expressive manner, speaking to a man with short hair in a plaid shirt. They appear to be in a serious conversation. The background shows a table and chairs.

Instead of owning their mistakes, they try to avoid responsibility. They shift blame or deny that their actions had anything to do with the problem at hand. It’s hard to be close to someone who lacks accountability because everyone makes mistakes. The only way to fix those mistakes is to be able to say, “Yes, I did that, and I am sorry. Can I fix it?” No one is above making mistakes.

8. Manipulative behavior.

A woman with long brown hair in a blue sleeveless top stands in the foreground, looking pensive and slightly sad. Behind her, a man in a blue shirt and shorts is squatting on a wooden dock near a body of water, out of focus.

They may use tactics such as guilt and flattery to get what they want. Eventually, people figure out what they’re doing and create boundaries to protect themselves. In many cases, that boundary may involve going no-contact because manipulation is untrustworthy, dishonest behavior. It’s impossible to know just how far that person will go with their manipulation because they are taking advantage of the relationship.

9. Conflict avoidance or escalation.

A woman with blonde hair looks pensively over her shoulder, resting her chin on her hand. In the blurred background, a man with a beard and blue shirt sits facing away. The scene appears to depict a tense or contemplative moment between the two.

Small problems turn into major rifts when you can’t handle conflicts maturely. Instead of addressing a conflict, the person may avoid the discussion altogether or escalate it into such a huge thing that you don’t want to talk about it because of how heated the argument has become. These are both avoidance techniques that prevent the relationship from being maintained.

10. Difficulty with boundaries.

Person wearing brown leather shoes standing on a concrete surface just behind a red line, suggesting a boundary or finish line.

They overstep others’ limits or fail to enforce their own. The disrespect of boundaries creates tension and resentment within the relationship. Not only is it important to respect another’s boundaries, but one must have their own. Boundaries help other people understand how you want to be treated. Not enforcing your own means unnecessary arguments and negative feelings that can end up burning a bridge.