How can I tell if my wanting to be liked is unhealthy?
Most people want to be liked, but some people take this to such extremes that it becomes unhealthy. But how do you know when you’ve crossed that line? Generally speaking, you want to look at how dramatically the problem affects you. Does it interfere with your ability to conduct your life? Does it make your mental or emotional health worse? Does it lower your quality of life and happiness?
If you think your need for approval has become unhealthy, you’ll want to look for things like:
1. A reluctance to go against the grain or stand out.
According to Psych Central, people who need to be liked by everyone do their best to fit in. They don’t want to cause any waves or problems. Quite often, they will allow themselves to be treated poorly to fit in. They may also temper down their personality or put the group first, even if that would be harmful to them. They may avoid putting their own talents and skills forward to not upset anyone else.
2. A willingness to do almost anything, even if it’s wrong or dangerous.
The desire to be liked by everyone may override your own personal morals or beliefs. You may find yourself willing to do things that you don’t want to do, know are wrong, or engage in dangerous behavior to be accepted. You may set aside your own moral compass to feel as though you are friends or part of the group. The problem is that a true friend wouldn’t ask you to compromise your morals.
3. Neglecting personal boundaries in order to keep the peace in relationships.
Do you often find yourself sacrificing your own needs or comfort to keep others happy? For example, staying in toxic friendships, tolerating disrespectful behavior, or consistently putting others’ needs before your own. According to Medical News Today, this kind of behavior can mean you frequently experience burnout, resentment, and a diminished sense of self-worth because you’re not maintaining a balance between being considerate of others and respecting your own limits and well-being.
4. Seeking to avoid disapproval from other people.
You may find yourself making an effort to not do things that would cause disapproval from others. This may look like people-pleasing, adhering to social standards that aren’t right for you, or doing too much for people that don’t appreciate it. You may seek to avoid conflicts with other people, particularly people you are close to, because you may feel like they will reject you.
5. Fixating on people that don’t like you.
When a person doesn’t like you, it becomes a severe enough problem for you that you fixate on it. You may feel driven to understand why, so that you can fix it and be liked by the person. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking and its behavior can be problematic. If a person doesn’t like you, they probably don’t want you around them. And if you’re trying to curry favor with the person by fixating on them and what they don’t like, you’re probably just going to cause more conflicts.
6. People-pleasing to your own detriment.
Do you have a hard time saying no to people? Are you always volunteering for everything, even if your schedule is packed or you don’t want to? Do you bend over backward for anyone and then find that no one is there for you when you need them? It’s alright to want to help people or make others happy. However, that becomes a problem when you’re sacrificing your own mental and emotional health so they will be pleased with you.
The important thing to keep in mind is that these things harm your mental or emotional well-being. It’s perfectly healthy to want to be liked, do things for other people, provide emotional support, or even take some risks. However, these behaviors cross into unhealthy territory when they become a source of anguish or otherwise negatively impact your ability to conduct your life.
7. Constantly seeking opinions and approval from others, even about trivial matters.
If you find yourself frequently asking for opinions or approval on your decisions, appearance, or actions it’s a sign your desire to be liked has crossed a line. You may feel uncertain about your choices without others’ input, or you might share accomplishments excessively on social media for likes and comments. While it’s normal to want some reassurance in life, relying too heavily on others’ approval undermines your self-confidence and leaves you feeling unfulfilled.
8. Being unable to express your true thoughts and feelings when they differ from someone else’s.
You might struggle to voice your genuine opinions or emotions, especially when they differ from others’. You may find yourself agreeing with people when you disagree internally, or laughing at jokes you find offensive. Suppressing your authentic self in this way causes you frustration, resentment, and a loss of personal identity. Your relationships may be starting to feel strained, or even worse, fake, and leave you feeling disconnected from your true self.
