How To Cope When You Miss Your Late Mom Or Dad: 12 Tips That Help

Do you miss your mom or dad?

A person with dark hair and painted nails holds a framed photo of an older person smiling. The photo is being gently touched, suggesting a moment of reminiscence or affection.

For people who were very close to a late parent, the pain and grief of their loss never seems to go away, no matter how many years have passed. This loss gets more poignant around holidays and birthdays, and many have difficulty coping with the emotions that arise at these times. Here are some coping mechanisms that may help:

1. Reach out to other people who knew your late parent.

Two men sitting on a pier by a lake, engaged in conversation. The older man, wearing a plaid shirt, vest, and bucket hat, faces forward. The younger man, with dark hair, is seen from behind. Trees and distant buildings are visible across the water.

Sometimes, being able to talk to others who knew your late mom or dad can alleviate a lot of pain. You can share stories and memories with them, and ask them to tell you things about your late parent that you might not have known about—especially if the stories are funny or surprising.

2. Try to focus on the good times you had with them.

A woman with long blonde hair, wearing a grey hoodie, sits at a wooden desk holding a white mug. She looks out of a window with light streaming in. A laptop is on the desk in the background, with shelving and various items behind her.

Although it may be difficult to see (or even think) clearly through your grief, try to redirect your energy towards remembering great memories. You had so many wonderful moments with this person, so hold those close to your heart. Go through photo albums and re-watch old family movies to rekindle your memories and hear their voice again.

3. Keep up a ritual that you shared.

A woman in a blue shirt carefully takes a pie out of an oven using oven mitts. She is smiling as she leans in, enjoying the aroma of the freshly baked pie.

Most families have traditions or rituals that they keep up over the years, whether it’s a specific holiday recipe, Sunday brunch with extended family, and so on. If you find that you miss your late mom or dad dearly, continue the rituals that you established together to keep their memory alive.

4. Email or write to them.

A close-up of a hand holding a pen and writing on a spiral-bound notebook. The scene is set outdoors with soft sunlight, and a blurred background featuring a person sitting on a bench and buildings in the distance.

If their email account is still active, drop them a note as if they were still around. And if not, write a letter and keep it in a box that you’ve decorated with their favorite colors, images, and so on. You may not be able to speak with them directly, but this keeps your connection with them going.

5. Make something memorable from their belongings.

A woman with dark hair wearing a blue dress hugs a white teddy bear while standing on a rural path. The background features blurred fields and distant hills under a cloudy sky.

Some people benefit greatly from “memory bears” or similar stuffed animals made from their late parent’s clothing. A stuffed friend that can be hugged tightly when you miss your mom or dad can go a long way towards healing grief. Even better is if you keep it smelling like them with spritzes of their perfume or aftershave.

6. Cook a favorite food that they used to make for you.

A woman stands in a kitchen, holding a pot near a stove. The kitchen has beige walls, white cabinets, and a kettle on the stovetop. She is smiling and wearing a patterned sleeveless top.

It’s not going to be quite the same as when they cooked it because they poured their own brand of loving care into it, but when you taste a special recipe of theirs that the two of you used to share together, you’ll undoubtedly feel closer to them again.

7. Make a memory shrine or similar place to honor their memory.

A collection of framed photographs and tall, partly melted candles are arranged on a marble mantelpiece. A large ornate mirror reflects part of the room in the background.

Depending on their individual religious or spiritual traditions, many people make altars, shrines, or memory walls to honor their loved ones who have passed on. Consider framing some of your favorite photos of them as well as quotes that you love and hanging them up so you can see them and smile every time you pass by.

8. Be gentle with yourself.

A man wearing a brown shirt sits at a wooden table with his hands clasped together. His head is bowed, partially obscured, and he appears to be deep in thought or prayer. A watch is visible on his left wrist. The lighting is dim, creating a contemplative atmosphere.

Don’t feel that you need to be strong or brave when you feel intense waves of grief, anger, and so on. If you need to have a solid cry or do a few rounds with a punching bag, do that. These emotions are completely valid, and it’s healthier (and more healing) to let them out rather than repress or ignore them.

9. Visit some places that were important to them.

A woman wearing a straw hat is taking a photo of gondolas moored on a canal in Venice. Across the water, St. Mark's Campanile and domed buildings are visible under a clear blue sky.

This could either entail going to local haunts that they frequented, or taking trips to places they always wanted to visit, but never had the chance to do. Basically, check things off their bucket list in their honor, so you can fulfill the dreams they wanted to share with you.

10. Do something good for someone in need.

A woman with dark hair in a ponytail, wearing a white shirt and green apron, kneels in an outdoor area with dirt ground and metal fenced enclosures. She is petting two dogs, one light-colored and one brown. Sunlight filters through the trees, casting dappled shadows.

What was a cause that was important to your late parent? If your skill set matches up with it, consider doing some volunteer work in that direction. For example, you could walk or read to shelter animals, or serve food at a soup kitchen. Do something in your mom or dad’s honor that would make them proud.

11. Establish something in their honor.

Graduates in black caps and gowns sit in a row, focusing forward. Their tassels hang on the right side, suggesting a ceremony in progress. The image captures a moment of formal academic celebration.

Should you have the time and means to do so, consider establishing something important in their honor. If they were an academic, consider a scholarship for a promising student, or if they loved art or history, contribute to a wing at your local museum or art gallery where their name can be displayed with pride.

12. Work with a great therapist who has experience with grief and loss.

nervous looking young woman talking about her problems to a therapist

If you find that you’re missing your late mom or dad so much that it’s interfering with your ability to function properly on a daily basis, then you may benefit from grief counseling with an experienced therapist. They can help you get to a place where your pain isn’t overwhelming you anymore.