You shouldn’t believe all that your mind tells you.
It’s easy to believe that because you think something, it must be true. But our thoughts often do a pretty lousy job of reflecting reality. In fact, many people have thoughts that are almost the entire opposite of what is true. Here are ten such thoughts. Do you ever think these things?
1. “I’m a failure because of my mistakes.”
Mistakes and failures are a part of growth and self-improvement. They just are. You aren’t going to get everything perfect on the first try. Optimistic people look at these situations as a chance to grow. They say to themselves, “Yes, I messed up, what can I learn from it?” Your past mistakes do not define your future if you don’t let them. Instead, value your mistakes as a learning experience and move forward knowing you can make a better decision next time.
2. “I don’t deserve happiness.”
Untrue. Everyone deserves happiness, joy, and fulfillment in their life. These kinds of thoughts often reflect unresolved guilt, some past wrong that you feel bad for or still dwell on. Another source may be low self-esteem. Many people feel they aren’t deserving if they can’t look at themselves with love and compassion. Healthy self-esteem and self-worth are necessary to be able to look at oneself and think, “Yes, I deserve these good things.”
3. “I’ll never be able to change.”
This phrase is a common lie that people tell themselves. The issue is that people tend to focus on the end result instead of the small steps that will take them to the end result. For example, a person who is overweight may look at a person who is in shape and want to be like that person. They may feel jealous or bad that they don’t look that way, convincing themselves that they can’t ever look that way. What they overlook are the steps to get there, like healthy eating and exercise, which could get them to that goal.
4. “No one really cares about me.”
Tough times can make it feel like you’re all alone, that no one really cares about you. However, there are likely people who value you deeply, even if they don’t always express it. Sometimes, the expression of care is more subtle than direct statements. Sometimes, it’s someone who demonstrates their care through actions instead of words. They may not always say it, but reaching out and talking about it may help you connect.
5. “I’m not good enough.”
This negative belief often stems from comparison or perfectionism. “Good enough” is a subjective statement because everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Comparing yourself to others will never give you an accurate perspective because you’ll likely see everything they are better at while ignoring the things that you are better at. If you look hard enough, you will always find someone better, more knowledgeable than you in a particular area. Even experts need to look things up or ask their peers for information, regularly.
6. “I’m too old or young to achieve my goals.”
There is no time limit on success or pursuing your dreams. All kinds of people have achieved great things at different stages of their life. The only thing that truly matters is that you start working on your goals right now. Working on your goals is the only way you’ll achieve them. Few people are lucky enough to have their successes just handed to them.
7. “I’m the only one struggling with this.”
Someone, somewhere has faced the same struggles that you are facing. The world is simply too big for that not to be true. What may be true is that it can be hard to find those people who you can relate to. Thanks to the internet, there are many support communities that are not all that far away. Even if you can’t find them, you can take some solace in the fact that your struggle isn’t something that can’t be overcome. It can feel impossible, but it is possible.
8. “I have to do everything perfectly.”
Perfection is an unrealistic expectation that causes people to not finish their goals. No one and nothing is perfect. Now, you can work on something excessively to the point where you think it’s perfect. However, perfection is in the eye of the beholder. Someone else may look at your perfect project and find flaws with it or just not like it. Progress is more important than perfection. Progress brings you closer to your goals.
9. “No one can love me.”
The belief that you’re unlovable is often rooted in some deep-seated trauma. For many people, it starts in childhood with abusive or absent parents who aren’t able to give their children the kind of love they need to form that healthy attachment. The truth is that everyone is lovable. That doesn’t mean we don’t need to work on ourselves to try to be a better version. It does mean that you are not inherently without value just because your mind tries to convince you that’s the truth.
10. “I’ll never be happy until I achieve my goal!”
Goals are important. However, tying your goals to your happiness is a self-defeating practice. What happens when you can’t meet your goal immediately? What if it takes years? What if you can’t meet your goal and you have to pivot to a different one? Will you be able to look at these setbacks with love and confidence? Happiness is something that needs to be independent of accomplishments because we can’t always accomplish our goals in a timely fashion, or at all.
