12 Provocative Phrases People Use When They're Trying To Get A Rise Out Of You

These words are designed to get under your skin.

A woman with long blonde hair and black glasses is wearing a maroon turtleneck. She is smiling and pointing her finger, standing in a bright room with blurred windows in the background.

Those who try to antagonize others do so because they feed off the energy they get by upsetting people. The phrases listed below are some of the most common ones they’ll use, since they’re almost guaranteed to get an emotional response. Learn to recognize their intentions so you don’t give them the energy they seek.

1. “Why aren’t you married yet/haven’t had kids yet?”

A young man in a plaid shirt, resting his head on his hand, looks frustrated in the foreground. A woman in a red cardigan and an older man stand in the background, appearing concerned, with the woman gesturing with her hands in a questioning manner.

Those who are miserable in their marriage or regret having children want others to experience the same miseries they do. If they try to provoke you into a fight by asking you why you don’t have their “achievements” yet, you can let them know that having experienced theirs by association, you’re cured of any desire to do so.

2. “Do you really need to eat that?”

A family of four sits at a dinner table, engaged in a lively conversation. The table is set with a roasted turkey, various side dishes, and beverages. The kitchen in the background features a stove, microwave, and neatly stacked appliances.

Body shaming is still alive and well, and many people provoke others by implying that they don’t really “need” the food they’re about to consume. Those who use this phrase are often fiercely insecure, so turn it around on them. “I don’t know, Brenda… do you need to dress like a prostitute?”

3. “How’s that little project of yours going?”

Two men are having a conversation in a living room. The older man on the left, with gray hair and a plaid shirt, is gesturing with one hand while his other hand rests on the younger man's shoulder. The younger man, with short hair and a striped shirt, is smiling.

A lot of people will use condescending language like this to belittle something that’s important to you, especially if they feel that it holds little value—like an artistic endeavor. In cases like this, responding with something like “Great, thanks! And how’s that little affair of yours going?” can work wonders for silencing them.

4. “Just calm down.”

Two women are sitting indoors having a serious conversation. The woman on the left looks concerned, while the woman on the right gestures with her hands, appearing to explain something. Both are wearing light-colored sweaters.

A person could be the most relaxed, grounded person in the world, and someone will tell them to calm down in an attempt to silence them if they’re speaking, or to goad them into an argument. In a situation like this, the best response is no response at all: simply ignore them completely.

5. “You should do this…”

Two people are sitting and talking at a table. One person, with long hair tied back, is wearing a light purple shirt and holding a cup. The other has short hair and is in a blue shirt. Shelves with books are in the background.

Ah yes, the supposedly well-meaning, unsolicited advice offered by those who have no idea of what you’re going through or what you’ve done already. But hey, they read something in an article somewhere that’s loosely related to your experience, so they know what they’re talking about!

6. “No, you’re wrong.”

Two women sitting and facing each other indoors. One has long brown hair, holding a phone, and the other has shorter blonde hair, wearing a leopard-print top. They appear to be engaged in a conversation, seated at a table with pens.

You could be holding up a fork, saying that you have a fork in your hand, and they’ll tell you that you’re incorrect. People like this know full well that you’re correct, but they refuse to admit it. That’s fine: you can simply grin, tell them that they’re absolutely right, and continue your life without giving them a second thought.

7. “You’re being so defensive.”

A man and woman sit cross-legged on a bed in a serious conversation. The man gestures with his hand while the woman listens attentively. Both wear casual clothing, and a plant is visible in the background.

Naturally, any argument to a phrase like this will be proof of the behavior they’re accusing you of showing. Instead, turn it around and ask them very pleasantly how you’re being defensive. This puts the onus on them to defend their statement, while you remain curious and emotionally neutral.

8. “You wouldn’t understand it.”

A woman with curly blonde hair, wearing a colorful top, is sitting at a kitchen table talking to a person with short curly hair. She gestures with her right hand, appearing engaged. A cup is on the table, and kitchen appliances are in the background.

Some people use phrases like this to imply that what they’re discussing is so very elite and sophisticated that a pleb like you just wouldn’t “get it”. If they really feel the need to posture like that, let them. Just say “cool” (or similar) and go find something more interesting.

9. “You’re so much like your parent/grandparent/etc.”

A woman with blonde hair, wearing a yellow shirt and carrying a backpack, stands in a forested area talking on her phone. She looks confused or frustrated, with one hand raised in an expressive gesture. The lush green background suggests it's a sunny day.

People often say phrases like this when they know a person didn’t get along with their parents or other elders. If you’d like to diffuse this to shut that person up, just pat their hand or nod, smile like they’re senile, and say “Yes, that’s how DNA works!”.

10. “Sounds like you need to get laid.”

Four people sitting on a couch engaged in a heated discussion. A woman in the center appears frustrated, while the others express confusion and disagreement. They are in a well-lit room, suggesting a serious conversation.

Those who use obnoxious and inappropriate comments like this out themselves as utter boors, as they imply that you’re being cantankerous due to physical frustrations of a particular nature. A great response to this is that unlike them, you have high standards and have no intention of paying for someone’s intimate companionship.

11. “I know you better than you know yourself.”

A man and a woman are sitting on a bed in a bedroom. The man, dressed in a blue shirt and gray pants, appears to be gesturing and speaking with a serious expression. The woman, wearing a light-colored cardigan and pants, looks away, appearing upset or thoughtful.

This one is often used by narcissists who refuse to acknowledge you as an individual. When this happens, tell them that you’re writing down your favorite ___ on a piece of paper. If they get it right, you’ll agree with them. They’ll arrogantly state something, at which point you hold up the paper to prove them wrong.

12. “Hey, do you think this turkey identifies as a chicken?” (or similar)

A group of four people gather around a festive dinner table with a roasted chicken, wine, and candles. A man takes a photo with his phone, while a Christmas tree and stockings decorate the background.

This one is often used by antagonistic relatives who aren’t supportive of someone’s gender identity, masking their own discomfort by mocking the person who’s experiencing changes that they don’t understand. Simply smile and ask if they identify as a decent human being, because believing that would be almost impossible.