11 Things You Don't Realize You're Doing That Make You Quite Toxic To Be Around

Are you guilty of any of these toxic behaviors?

A woman with long blonde hair and bangs, wearing a light purple turtleneck sweater, stands outdoors. She has a surprised expression. The background features green trees and an out-of-focus urban setting.

If you’ve ever wondered why you seem to have fewer friends than most or why people scatter when you enter the room, you’ve come to the right place. It might just be the little things you’re doing without even realizing it. Let’s look at the behaviors that might be sending people sprinting in the opposite direction!

1. You’re always complaining.

A woman with short dark hair, wearing hoop earrings and a light sweater, is sitting and holding a mug. She is gesturing with her other hand, pointing upwards, and appears to be engaged in conversation with a person blurred in the foreground.

Being around someone who can’t stop groaning about everything is exhausting! If you’re always on a rant, your negativity could be infectious—and not in a good way. People come to dread the drain of your downbeat comments. Soon enough, they might just avoid you altogether because nobody wants to be around a Debbie Downer who can clear a room faster than you can say, “Woe is me.”

2. You’re passive-aggressive.

A man and a woman are engaged in conversation on a city street. The man wears a white shirt and has a backpack, while the woman has a braided hairstyle and is gesturing with her hands, wearing a light jacket. The background is slightly blurred.

Passive-aggressiveness is a form of sabotage. Whether it’s the backhanded compliments or those little sarcastic comments passed off as jokes, this kind of communication is a slow poison. It makes your intentions unclear and leaves people wary of trusting you. Your relationships feel more like minefields, where friends are always on guard instead of being relaxed and open around you.

3. You invade people’s space.

A woman with short blond hair is speaking seriously to a younger woman with long blond hair. They are sitting on a couch indoors, and the older woman is gesturing with her hand.

Ignoring someone’s physical and emotional boundaries essentially tells them that their comfort isn’t important to you. This can involve bombarding people with messages, borrowing things without asking, or literally getting too close to them so that they feel uncomfortable. Either way, crossing these lines makes people want to put miles between you and them. Would you want to be around someone who has a reputation for violating people’s boundaries? Didn’t think so.

4. You’re too competitive.

Two men, both wearing white t-shirts, engage in a competitive arm-wrestling match while leaning over a large tractor tire. They appear focused and determined. The background shows a dimly lit indoor gym setting with minimal equipment visible.

Life isn’t a game show, but try telling that to someone who turns every get-together into a competition. It doesn’t matter if it’s games at the park or career achievements—if you’re constantly turning friendly banter into a battleground, friends might start waving the white flag. No one wants to feel like they’re constantly in a contest because it’s so tiring. They’d rather cooperate than compete.

5. You gossip.

Two women are in a bright room; one with tied-back blonde hair is whispering to the other, who has long, dark hair. The woman being whispered to has a surprised expression, with her hand covering her mouth.

While a little gossip can seem harmless, don’t be surprised if the trust evaporates in your friendship circle when you spread rumors or spill others’ secrets. It doesn’t take long before people question what you’re saying behind their backs, too. People are always suspicious of those who stir the pot—they’ll start keeping the juicy details of their lives to themselves. They don’t want to be the talk of the town!

6. You lack empathy.

Two women are having a serious conversation outdoors. One woman with her back to the camera has long blonde hair and is wearing a maroon shirt. The other woman with long brown hair and wearing a blue tank top has a concerned expression and gesturing with her hands.

If you’re not tuning into how others feel, then you’re missing out on truly connecting with people. As such, they might just stop trying to connect with you. Without empathy, every conversation can feel shallow or self-centered, and this really limits the depth of your relationships. There’s no substance—just surface-level conversations and uncaring attitudes.

7. You one-up people.

Do you always feel the need to outdo someone’s story or problem? This kind of relentless one-upmanship gets old fast. Your friends start to feel like they’re in an endless competition, which makes real conversations rare. Don’t be that person! Instead of having a tit-for-tat, try listening more and supporting your friends’ experiences without adding your twist.

8. You’re very flaky.

A woman with long, dark hair sits at an outdoor café table, resting her chin on her hand. She wears a red coat and looks thoughtful. In front of her is a dessert glass with whipped cream and a teapot. Her phone is on the table next to her.

Bailing on plans at the last minute is a major faux pas because it tells other people you don’t value their time. Eventually, your reputation as being unreliable precedes you—don’t be surprised if your invites start drying up, too. Reliable friends get the best benefits, like trust and deeper connections, so try to keep your commitments, or at least give plenty of notice if you can’t.

9. You’re a control freak.

A woman with glasses and a ponytail sits indoors, wearing a green turtleneck. She appears engaged in conversation, with a blurred hand gesturing in the foreground. The setting seems to be an office or casual meeting space.

If you’re the kind of person to micromanage every social setting, just keep it up, and you’ll find yourself managing a party of one. People value their autonomy. As such, they’ll eventually jump overboard when someone is always steering the ship. Let others have their say, too, because it makes for a more balanced and enjoyable experience for everyone involved.

10. You’re a constant victim.

A woman with long brown hair and red lipstick looks down against a dark background. She is wearing a black top.

It’s okay to have bad days. But these shouldn’t turn into a saga where you’re always the victim because it makes people tune out. After all, it’s hard to build relationships when every conversation requires a little violin! It’s okay to share your challenges—just don’t let them define every interaction. Instead, take some responsibility in your stories so they’re not heavy.

11. You’re always late.

A man with a beard and short hair wearing a white t-shirt looks surprised while checking the time on his wristwatch. He has one hand on his head and a shocked expression on his face, standing against a plain grey background.

Being late now and again is okay, but all the time? It’s as annoying as it is disrespectful. Time is precious, and if you can’t show up when you say you will, people will stop saving you a spot. Being punctual shows you respect other people as much as their time. Plus, they’ll also know you’re reliable. And in this day and age, there’s no excuse for not calling ahead!