12 Of The Hardest Parts About Getting Divorced (That No One Wants To Talk About)

12 Brutal Parts Of Divorce That No One Talks About

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Getting divorced is awful. Although sometimes it can feel immensely freeing — especially if the marriage got really bad towards the end — there are always aspects that are truly unpleasant to deal with. Below are some of the most challenging parts about getting divorced, which few people ever talk about.

1. Realizing how long it actually takes.

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Depending on where you live, divorce can take much longer than you realize. You may need to live separately for a full year before filing paperwork, and it can take another nine months or more for that paperwork to be processed. Your life can essentially remain on hold for a couple of years.

2. Having to explain what happened to everyone around you.

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Whenever divorce occurs, the number one question that either party gets asked is “What happened?”. You either have to say you aren’t ready to talk about it or have a canned response ready to pacify everyone who asks. It’s either that, or be honest about all the things that contributed to the relationship’s demise.

3. Navigating the dating world once again.

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Dating is quite terrible, and entering the dating world again after years of marriage can be even worse — especially if you’re in an older demographic, and have dependent children and/or elderly parents. Personal baggage increases as we age, while our attractiveness to potential partners may wane.

4. Realizing how much time you wasted with the wrong person.

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Many people try to keep unhealthy relationships alive far longer than they should, which can lead to them sinking years (or decades) into marriages that don’t work well for either partner. This wastes valuable time that could otherwise be spent with those they’re better suited to.

5. Not having another person to rely on.

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Even if your now ex-spouse didn’t put equal effort into all things domestic, there was still another person around to help out with various tasks. When you’re sick in bed and can barely move, there isn’t another person around to go pick up essential groceries or walk the dog. It’s all on you.

6. Experiencing difficulty finding a place to live.

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Many apartments require first and last months’ rent, plus credit checks, references, and proof of income. A person who’s just re-entered the workplace after years of being a stay-at-home parent/spouse won’t have any of these things, which can be prohibitive to them finding a new home now that they’re on their own.

7. Not having someone around to talk to on a daily basis.

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Married couples interact with each other daily, even if it’s just small talk or bouncing ideas off one another. After a divorce, unless they move in with friends or family members, they only have themselves to talk to. Pets generally don’t talk back, and kids may not be able to engage much.

8. Feeling like an idiot for not seeing warning signs far sooner.

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Those who get blindsided by being served divorce papers often wonder why they didn’t see it coming. In reality, most were either swamped with work or doing their best to keep the relationship alive and didn’t realize how bad things had gotten until they were too late.

9. Carrying the cost of living on your own.

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Unless someone moves back in with family after divorce, or shares a house with friends, they’re likely to be blown away by how much the cost of living can be for a single person nowadays. Most people have to live with others because it’s simply too expensive to live alone anymore.

10. The grief of losing extended family.

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If your in-laws have been family to you for decades, and you and your spouse end up divorcing, they may not consider you part of the family anymore. This can be devastating, particularly to people who don’t have much of a social support structure with friends or their own biological family.

11. Dividing up all your stuff.

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A simple glance around your living space will reveal gifts you received as a couple, bought each other for special occasions, or invested in together. It’s awful to divide up your possessions, especially when you have strong emotional connections to them, or if your ex is being spiteful and keeping things you love to hurt you.

12. Feeling hesitant to get into another relationship because your marriage failed so badly.

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People whose marriages ended horribly often feel like failures. As such, they tend to be wary about getting into new relationships because they’re afraid of failing yet again. It’s easier and more comfortable to avoid them entirely than risk potential hurt.