Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for these 12 things.
We all feel bad for things we did that hurt others, but it’s often through our missteps and transgressions that we learn valuable lessons, and thus become better human beings. That said, many people try to make others feel bad to manipulate or dominate them. If there are those in your life who try to make you feel bad for the following things, it’s time to end — or severely limit — your relationship with them.
1. Things you did as a small child.
Kids make all kinds of mistakes when they’re growing up, as they’re completely new and have little idea of what they’re doing. If there’s someone in your life who tries to guilt trip you about something you did before you even had self-awareness, there’s little value to keeping them in your life.
2. Their own poor choices.
A lot of people try to abdicate personal responsibility and blame everything they do wrong on other people. If they continually mess up, blame you, and try to make you feel bad for their own repeated errors, cut them loose. Otherwise, they’ll keep using you as their scapegoat and never sort themselves out.
3. Saying “no” to an invitation.
It’s nice to be invited to things, but there should never be an obligation to accept. This is especially true if you’re uncomfortable with the person or the event you’ve been invited to. Those who care about you will respect your decision, whereas those who care about themselves will try to manipulate you into attending.
4. Not justifying yourself to their satisfaction.
Some people don’t just want you to justify your actions when you decline an invitation (as per above) or say that you aren’t interested in something — they expect you to explain yourself with great detail until they’re satisfied with what you’ve said. You don’t owe this kind of behavior to anyone.
5. Canceling plans to prioritize self-care.
Many of us over-commit when we’re feeling flattened because we don’t want to disappoint those we care about, and then end up getting run down. Those who love you understand and support your need to prioritize your well-being, whereas those who guilt you about canceling plans are putting their own selfish desires first. Don’t let them.
6. Being quiet and/or introverted.
Some people are effervescent, outgoing folks who love to be the life of the party, while others are more quiet and introverted. There’s nothing wrong with the latter, and those who’d berate or insult you for not being “more outgoing” are showing you that they don’t accept you for who you really are.
7. Declining intimacy.
There are thousands of reasons why a person might not feel up to physical intimacy with their partner. All are valid, and a loving, respectful partner will accept it without question. In contrast, someone who tries to make you feel bad or guilty for not wanting to be physically intimate is showing you where their priorities lie.
8. Being “too sensitive”.
Many people who like to antagonize others with offensive or off-color jokes will mock those who are affected by their awful words. They’ll claim that the one who’s hurt is “too sensitive” and “can’t take a joke”, instead of acknowledging that it’s their own actions that are reprehensible.
9. Not pursuing the life paths they want you to.
Lots of people have relatives who try to make them feel bad for not pursuing a particular career, or getting married and providing them with grandchildren. Every individual’s life is their own: you aren’t obligated to allow others to live vicariously through you, instead of living authentically for yourself.
10. Having interests that they feel are inappropriate for your age.
This can go either way, such as a teenager who’s mocked for enjoying knitting or wood carving like a “grandparent”, or an older person who adores toys and gets excited about seeing animals, “like a child”. We love what we love, and the people who are worth keeping in our lives will support our interests accordingly.
11. Health issues or differences you have no control over.
It’s truly appalling when someone tries to make another feel bad for aspects of their life that they have little to no control over, such as neurodivergence or chronic physical conditions. Those who mock or deride you for not “trying harder” when your body is literally sabotaging you need to shut up or be cut off.
12. Changing.
Those who don’t ever change end up stagnating where they are. Life changes are inevitable, whether it’s changed interests and priorities, or bodies that are undergoing the natural aging process. If a person has the audacity to try to make you feel bad for a fundamental metamorphosis, cut them loose.
