Divorce is ultimately better than staying in an unhappy marriage.
Many people stay in miserable marriages instead of ending them due to a sense of commitment and obligation, even when these marriages slowly eat away at their very souls. Here’s why it’s better to just end them instead.
1. There is no point in wasting valuable time with someone you don’t truly want to be with.
We only have so many hours granted to us in a lifetime, and we never know how much time we have left. If a couple is miserable and neither partner wants to be there anymore, then end it while you still have time left to be with other people. Or alone, if that’s more appealing to you.
2. Your health may improve significantly.
An unhappy marriage can be a major source of stress for both spouses, which can have various negative effects on your body. So, you may be surprised to see your belly issues, chronic headaches, insomnia, inflammation, and even unexplained weight gain alleviate considerably when that marriage is no longer a drain on you.
3. You can focus on things you actually enjoy rather than keeping this farce afloat.
It takes a startling amount of energy to maintain the pretense of a “happy family”. Additionally, the relief you’ll feel when you put the final nail in the coffin isn’t short-lived—it can go on for years, fueling and inspiring the pursuits that actually bring you great joy.
4. Your misery is making everyone around you miserable by extension.
Gary W. Lewandowski, Jr, Professor and former Chair in the Department of Psychology at Monmouth University, reveals that moods are contagious—both good and bad. Thus, your kids, friends, family, coworkers, animal companions—everyone who’s in your social sphere and sees/hears how unhappy you are—ends up being affected by your misery. Even if you’re not talking about it, they can sense the clouds swirling around you at all times.
5. You’re free and clear to have whatever lovers you like instead of “cheating”.
If you and your spouse have been platonic for years, you’re likely more than a little pent up by now, while simultaneously feeling uncomfortable about unwanted obligations about marital “duties”. Once the marriage has ended, you’re free to be with whomever you like, and it isn’t infidelity.
6. It gives your current partner an out.
They may be just as miserable as you are. By making a decisive choice to end things, it also allows them to move forward with their own life. In fact, you may discover that you make much better friends than partners, and that you are both relieved at not having to continue this pantomime any longer.
7. You’ll finally be free to pursue your own dreams.
We all have a finite amount of energy to disperse amongst our pursuits, so whatever energy you’re no longer pouring into a miserable marriage can instead be directed toward an important personal endeavor. The dead horse has been beaten into pate already—leave it be and move on.
8. Autonomy and freedom.
You may have to deal with some loneliness and weaning off the unspoken drug that is codependency, but your autonomy is well worth that temporary discomfort. You now have the freedom to live your life entirely on your own terms, without having your life dictated by someone else’s parameters.
9. The ability to live authentically.
Listen to the music you like, eat the food you like, be true to yourself instead of being performative for someone else’s wants, fears, and expectations. You can adhere to your own circadian rhythm (rather than waking and sleeping on their clock) and take the time to discover who you really are.
10. Never underestimate a healthy intimate life.
Most couples in miserable marriages are frustrated and unhappy with their intimate lives, which is why so many seek lovers outside of the marriage. After divorce, both parties are free to seek greater compatibility with other partners, leading to much more fulfilling, happier, and healthier intimacy.
11. If you don’t end it now, the hole will just keep getting deeper.
A lot of people put on a brave face and feel that if they just keep being positive, and “pretending to feel the way they want to feel”, things will eventually get better. It won’t. In fact, the misery will just keep expanding like a Fibonacci spiral, and pull you down with it.
12. You’re not fooling anyone.
Those who have known you for years aren’t fooled by the saccharine social media posts because they’re interspersed with thinly veiled cries for help. Nobody believes that you’re happy, and that includes both you and your spouse. Why live a lie? Choose instead to embody your truth, and make the necessary changes accordingly.
