Most of us are somewhat self-centered, but these behaviors take things too far.
We often recognize people’s poor behaviors in retrospect and kick ourselves for not noticing abusive or self-centered behavior far earlier. The behaviors listed below are massive red flags that a person is atrociously egocentric, so be sure to watch out for them!
1. Telling you all their problems without asking how you’re doing, or if you have the bandwidth for them.
This person will call, message, or text you repeatedly to tell you all about their problems, using you as an unpaid therapist, without asking how you’re doing. It doesn’t even occur to them that you’re a person with your own thoughts and emotions, like a child seeing their parent as a service provider, not a human being.
2. Expecting the world around them to accommodate and pander to their needs, rather than adapting to things themselves.
These are the types of people who, if they’re invited to attend someone’s wedding, will let the soon-to-be-wed couple know that they’re “not into” the chosen venue or don’t like the meal options. They’ll then suggest a different location and menu recommendations that they would prefer instead.
3. Making everything about themselves.
You could be telling them how nervous you are about a recent health diagnosis and they’ll respond by mentioning how they have an audition for a movie next week, and ask what you think they should wear. No matter what you say, they redirect the focus back to themselves without a second thought.
4. Manipulating situations for their benefit without any remorse.
They’ll dig up dirt on those around them in order to use it to their best advantage, and might even stoop to using blackmail if it benefits them. In their mind, they aren’t doing anything bad—they’re simply leveraging things to their own advantage in order to get what they want or need.
5. Insisting that their needs for special accommodations supersede anyone else’s.
They might insist upon using the priority seating on public transit because they have an invisible illness (usually a minor one) and won’t move if someone with a wheelchair or other mobility aid needs that space. They might also apply for grants they don’t truly need, but feel entitled to, thus denying others much-needed assistance.
6. Stirring up drama to be the center of attention.
Highly self-centered people thrive on attention, and if they don’t get enough of it due to positive behavior, they’ll act poorly and stir up drama in order to regain their position at center stage. They might have a breakdown that requires others to rush to their aid, or air a personal grievance that draws others’ attention.
7. Being immensely critical of those who make them feel threatened or insecure.
If there are people in their life who make them feel insecure, or pose a threat to their lifestyle, they’ll be critical and aggressive towards them. They might sabotage a coworker’s work if they feel that their own position is at risk, or poison their social circle against a newcomer if they feel they’re losing personal status.
8. Overstepping people’s boundaries to reassure themselves (and holding double standards about reciprocation).
For example, if they’re feeling insecure about their partner’s new work associate, they might go through their phone in an attempt to find incriminating evidence. If their partner were to do the same thing to them, however, they’d be up in arms about their private property being invaded and disrespected.
9. Ruining others’ plans if they want to do something else.
A highly self-centered person won’t think twice about wrecking someone else’s plans if they want to do something else with them. For instance, if they want to spend the weekend with their partner but they’ve already planned a trip away, they might puncture their car tire or report their passport as stolen to prevent them from leaving.
10. Prioritizing (or only attending to) their own needs and wants.
A highly self-centered person might bring dinner home for themselves but not get anything for their partner and/or children. Similarly, if a couple has been saving money for an important joint investment, the self-centered individual might spend it all on a personal purchase without giving a second thought to how that will affect their spouse.
11. Sabotaging people’s relationships.
If a highly self-centered person feels that someone they’re close to is spending too much time with someone else (like a new romantic partner), they’ll act on their jealousy and do things to damage their new relationship, such as lying to the new partner about the friend or family member in question.
12. Punishing those who don’t fall in line with their wants.
Although they’re as sweet as pie when people do what they want, they’re quick to get angry and punish those who don’t fulfill their demands. They’ll use techniques like the silent treatment, ostracization from the group, or worse if they’re in positions of authority, like a parent or superior at work.
