People need closure when a relationship ends.
They want to know the reasons why it ended.
Getting closure can help them let go more easily. It can also help them avoid projecting the hurt caused by this breakup onto their future relationships.
Not everyone gets this closure from their ex, though. It leaves them guessing, and perhaps even hoping that their ex will come back.
If you want to end a relationship with someone, don’t be a coward. Do the right thing and give them closure.
Here’s why:
1. It gives them answers.
It’s easier to accept that something has ended if you know why. Otherwise, you could keep guessing and coming up with possible explanations.
Don’t make your partner wonder. They deserve answers to the questions that they have about the breakup. Not only do they deserve it, but research has shown they come out the other side better for it. You should tell them the truth and let them know why you don’t want to be with them anymore.
This is not easy to do. It’s much easier to just block or ghost a person without ever letting them know why. But, how unfair is it to them?
Show them some respect, especially if you have been together for a while. You might not have all the answers to their questions, but they deserve to know what’s going on inside your head. This is not going to be an easy conversation, but you owe your partner the truth.
2. It helps them learn.
Knowing what exactly happened can help your partner learn from this experience. According to Psychology Today, understanding why the breakup happened is a good way to start resolving the problem.
Even if you don’t want to work on the problem with them, they’d likely be willing to work on it themselves if they become aware of it.
It might seem obvious to you why you want to end things. You could even think that they’re sensing it too. But, love is blind. A person could be completely oblivious of things that are obvious to you.
If you didn’t talk to them about it, assume that they don’t know about the problem in your relationship. Most importantly, they don’t know that you’re going to end things instead of working on that problem.
Naturally, you have every right to do that. However, they have the right to know about it.
3. It helps them heal and move on.
It’s easier to heal from the hurt when a person has been fair to you. They didn’t lie to you or leave you guessing.
Yes, it’s always unpleasant to hear that someone wants to break up with you. But, you can’t hate them if they’re honest with you. So, be honest with your partner to help them heal and move on. It will be easier for them to accept the breakup if they know the reasons.
Even if they don’t agree with your opinion, knowing about it will make things easier for them. It’s hard to stay hung up on someone who makes it clear that they don’t want to be with you anymore.
When you give closure, you also let your ex know that there’s no going back. Hearing that hurts. But, knowing it helps a person move on from the relationship faster and with less difficulty.
4. It helps them understand and accept that you don’t want to get back together with them.
When you’re trying to give someone closure, you should try to treat them kindly. However, you should also make it perfectly clear that you have no intention of getting back together with them. This, according to Dr. Arie W. Kruglanski, a university professor and a Fellow of the American Psychological Association and the American Psychological Society, is the main point of closure.
As difficult as this is for them to hear, it sets your partner free. If you never actually say it to them, they could hold onto hope that you’ll get back together.
Your ex-partner could keep reaching out to you looking for answers. Don’t make them do this. Let them know that it’s over.
As much as blocking or ghosting someone says it all, it still leaves the window open. They still don’t know what caused you to do this, so they keep hoping that they can fix it.
Your partner could come up with hundreds of possible explanations that aren’t true. Let them know that it’s over by giving them the truth.
5. It gives you a chance to take your part of the blame.
It’s probably not entirely their fault that you’re ending the relationship. Giving them closure makes it possible for you to acknowledge your part of the blame. What’s more, it gives you an opportunity to make up for it by apologizing.
Hearing you apologize for things that you could have done better will help your partner heal. Breakups are rarely just one person’s fault anyway. It takes two to make a relationship work, and two to make it fail.
Your partner could blame themselves for everything if you don’t give them closure. Let them know what they did wrong, but that it wasn’t entirely their fault. Take responsibility for your mistakes, and it will help you end things on good terms.
6. It gives you a chance to be honest with them and apologize.
Your partner can’t resent you if you give them an honest answer and apologize for hurting their feelings. Maybe you did nothing wrong, but you can still apologize for ending things with them.
If you are genuinely sorry for hurting their feelings, they won’t be able to hold it against you. They might be mad that you don’t want to give them a second chance, but they’ll have to respect your decision.
You don’t owe them any more time or energy than is necessary to give them closure, but you do owe them the truth. When you have this conversation with them, make sure that it is open and honest. As much as the truth can hurt, it’s still better than not knowing.
7. It makes it possible to end things on good terms.
Breakups are tough, and they always hurt. However, they don’t have to be ugly. If you tell your partner the truth, apologize to them, and make it clear that it’s over and why, then you did right by them.
They might be mad because of their hurt feelings at first, but they won’t be able to hate you. In fact, it will be much easier for them to forgive you and let you go instead of resenting or chasing you.
You don’t have to stay friends, but you can still stay on good terms despite the breakup. Be careful not to give your ex false hope, but feel free to stay in touch with them if that’s what you both want.
8. It helps both of your future relationships.
When you’re both clear on why the relationship ended, it can help you prevent making the same mistakes in the future. Without closure, your partner will be at risk of projecting their hurt onto their future relationship. They will probably also make the same mistakes.
Instead, you can both learn from this experience. Don’t let it damage any future relationships that you might have.
When you think about what you’re going to tell your partner, you’ll get a much better idea of what you want and don’t want in your love life. So, think about it, and keep reading to learn how to have this difficult conversation.
