Look out for these 12 signs.
Beware the wolf in sheep’s clothing who will smile to your face and behave like a spiteful adversary as soon as your back is turned. These 12 behaviors often indicate someone will be petty and spiteful behind your back, so be warned.
1. They don’t honor their word with you.
A person’s word is their bond, and someone who breaks theirs repeatedly is showing you who they really are. Watch out for those who are perpetually late, don’t return items that they borrowed from you, and don’t honor their commitments. They may be doing these things intentionally just to spite you, which is not that surprising when you consider the characteristics that spitefulness is associated with, such as aggression, psychopathic personality traits, and impulsivity.
2. They exclude you.
Few things can be as hurtful as seeing photos of friends and family on social media from an event they all attended that you were never told about. Later, you may discover that the person who was tasked to invite you conveniently “forgot” to do so, intentionally excluding you due to their personal spitefulness.
3. They give backhanded compliments.
Spiteful people often give backhanded or insincere compliments because they’re too sour to offer real ones. They’ll say things like “You’re so brave to wear that outfit”, leaving you wondering whether said outfit looks good or terrible. Or that your partner is likely with you because “You have such a good heart”, leaving your questioning whether you’re lacking in other departments. It’s hard to know whether they are being intentionally malicious, or whether they lack the theory of mind to understand how their words impact others.
4. They are encouraging in person, but mock or deride you with others.
When you spend time with these people, they’ll be encouraging about your pursuits and talk about how great and inspiring you are. Meanwhile, you’ll hear from your peers that these same people are laughing about you when you aren’t around, telling shared acquaintances how pathetic you are, etc.
5. They behave like cowards.
These people don’t like to confront. They speak loudly of their courage when they’re in a safe environment, but run away (or throw others to the wolves) when they’re threatened.
Often, if they find themselves in a fight environment, they’ll be the ones shouting loudly while walking backward to safer ground.
6. They promise to keep your secrets, but then somehow everyone else knows them.
People like this collect information on others that they can use to their advantage. They might swear up and down that your secrets are safe with them, but then someone in your social group approaches you to ask about the thing you said in confidence. And it’s often been embellished by the secret spreader to paint you in a bad light.
7. They compete with you.
If you confide in them that you’re interested in dating someone, they’ll suddenly pursue that person as well. The same thing may happen if you say you’re applying for a job or an apartment that you really want. They compete with you with the intention of showing you up, regardless of whether they actually want that thing or not. These people may even go so far as settling for less, if it means you get less too.
8. They sabotage your work “by accident.”
These are the people who will “accidentally” unplug your computer while you’re uploading your thesis, or damage a work of art you’ve been slaving over because they “didn’t know” it was important to you. Amazingly, their “accidental” behaviors inevitably end up hurting you somehow.
9. They steal from you.
People who are keen to spite you behind your back may do so by taking things from you that they don’t feel you deserve. This might be material possessions, like an expensive jewelry item, or they might try to steal your partner/spouse if they don’t think you’re worthy of being with that person.
10. They damage your reputation.
A spiteful person who’s eager to damage you without tarnishing their own image might damage your reputation from afar. For example, they might write a bad review about your company so you get fewer sales, contact your employer anonymously to tell them you’re a bigot, or doxx you for a made-up grievance.
11. They gossip about you throughout friendship groups.
This often happens with people you knew in your youth or who you’ve known for a long time. They might pretend to be friendly with you face to face, but then air out various aspects of your past in order to damage your new friendship groups’ opinions about you.
12. They actively sabotage your efforts.
Spiteful people often behave that way due to jealousy and insecurity. As such, they might try to sabotage your efforts to succeed. For example, if you’re on a weight loss journey, they might put 4,000 calories’ worth of bulk-up powder into a smoothie they prepare for you. Ok, it’s an extreme example, but it happens.
