These common behaviors are like kryptonite to marriages.
Marriage is something we all go into with a heart full of hope, a head full of dreams—and absolutely no idea where it’s going to take us. But sometimes, without even noticing, we start doing things that create tiny cracks in the relationship. Before you know it, you’re holding on for dear life, wondering where the fun went. It doesn’t have to be that way, though! Let’s look at 12 behaviors that steal the joy from marriages and turn “till death do us part” into “do we even like each other?”
1. You stop talking to each other.
Talking is the thread that keeps a relationship together. When communication breaks down, the fabric starts to fray. Importantly, that doesn’t necessarily involve sharing big confessions or groundbreaking revelations. It’s the daily “how was your day?” that keeps you in each other’s orbits.
Without those conversations, you start living parallel lives, and the gap between those lives grows wider every day. Resentment then moves in. Suddenly, your home will start to feel less like a shared sanctuary and more like a silent retreat gone wrong. And it’s all because you stopped talking to each other!
2. You stop appreciating each other.
Think back to the last time you genuinely acknowledged your partner’s efforts. If you’re scratching your head, then that’s a problem because research shows that gratitude can help you both feel more secure in your relationship.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of taking each other for granted, and at the start, you’ll meet even the smallest gestures with tons of gratitude. But over time, those gestures become expected, and the thank yous are less frequent.
Such a change from appreciating to expecting is dangerous because, soon enough, you’ll feel more like business partners. You’re there, ticking off tasks instead of being soulmates sharing a journey. And let’s be honest—nobody wants their love life to feel like a board meeting.
3. You don’t prioritize quality time.
It’s no secret that spending quality time together is a lot harder these days, thanks to all the distractions we have. Together time is rare—but oh-so-sweet when it happens. Of course, you don’t need to go on grand date nights or exotic vacations. You should be able to enjoy the simple joy of being in each other’s presence.
For example, you might laugh over a home-cooked meal or debate which movie to watch next. Either way, you need these moments. If these moments get sidelined by schedules and screens, you start losing each other. A relationship can only thrive if you’re both present, and research shows that relationships that lack quality time are more likely to fail.
4. You’re unfaithful.
Stepping outside the marriage is one way to obliterate any sense of trust, leaving both parties wounded and weary. And once you lose trust, it can be difficult to get it back. Even if you forgive the other person, the betrayal becomes a ghost that haunts the hallways of your relationship. A 2023 paper even found that it can cause depression and PTSD.
You constantly feel doubts and fears about your marriage. Are we right together? Are they still cheating on me? Will they do it again? Rebuilding from such a transgression is practically impossible since it demands more strength and forgiveness than most of us have.
5. You’re too critical.
Nobody likes a nag, yet they’re a part of many relationships. It starts small—maybe a comment about the dishes or a jab about a forgotten task. But soon, it escalates, and every interaction is tinged with disapproval. You’re quick to point out flaws. Yet, at the same time, you’re slow to celebrate strengths, and studies show that couples who criticize each other less often perform better as a team.
Such a relentless critique is enough to erode anyone’s self-esteem and mutual respect, leaving a chasm where once there was closeness. After all, who wants to be around someone who makes them feel constantly inadequate? Not us.
6. You disagree over finances.
Money is important to us all, and that’s why it can turn into a minefield in a relationship. Rather than the balance in your accounts being the issue, it’s how you handle the finances together. Any disagreements you have about spending, saving, or even earning can quickly escalate into full-blown battles.
Unfortunately, couples who don’t talk about finances are at a major disadvantage. They’re the ones who are more likely to be the most financially stressed! Not being aligned on your fundamental values causes tension to build up. As such, you have to find a way to deal with these issues together. At least then, you can maintain peace and partnership.
7. You don’t show physical intimacy.
We can all agree that physical intimacy is nice, whether that’s kissing or hugs. But when it starts to disappear, a wall goes up that separates you from each other. You might still share a bed—but you’re miles apart emotionally.
You need to find that spark again, that thing that brought you together in the heat of the moment. Then, nurture it back to life. Failing to do so means that the pair of you are just coexisting. Passion? Yeah, that’s a thing of the past.
8. You ignore your problems.
Letting disagreements fester might seem like the right course of action at first, but eventually, it can cause serious damage. Unresolved conflicts pile up, and with each one comes more resentment. And so you continue to avoid talking about the problems you face. You’d much rather skirt around them.
Even though this avoidance strategy might keep the peace temporarily, it’s a ticking time bomb. Of course, healthy relationships aren’t conflict-free. Instead, people in these relationships understand how to deal with conflict together. Not doing so doesn’t mean you’ll avoid conflict—you’re just piling it up until it explodes.
9. You’re too clingy or too distant.
Every relationship needs a balance between dependence and independence. If you lean too far one way, you risk suffocating the love you have—lean too far the other, and you might find yourselves drifting apart. You’ll need to find that sweet spot. You know the one—it’s where you’re both free to be yourselves but still connected.
However, it’s not a static balance, and it changes as your relationship evolves. The trick is to keep communicating. You have to check in with each other regularly because only then can you ensure that you’re both getting what you need.
10. You ignore each other’s emotions.
Everyone wants to have their emotional needs attended to. Ignoring them means ignoring your partner, and such behavior will only destroy your relationship. As a partner, you should recognize and nurture these needs in each other.
Paying attention to their emotions involves listening—truly listening—and then acting on what you hear. Not doing so will make the other person feel neglected. This can seriously damage your relationship. Think of it like a garden, you need to pay attention and give it a whole lot of love for it to grow. If you don’t, you’ll be left wondering where all the flowers went.
11. You take out your stress on your partner.
It’s relatively easy for stress from work, family, or just the daily grind to infiltrate your relationship. Unfortunately, this turns minor irritations into major conflicts. You start getting annoyed over the silliest of things and blame your partner for them.
It makes them turn on you too—so you both start arguing with each other. The best course of action is to avoid allowing these external pressures to become the center of your universe. For example, try setting aside time to de-stress together or find hobbies that help you both relax.
12. You grow apart instead of together.
Change is the only constant in life, and how you handle it as a couple can make or break your relationship. However, if you don’t move forward together, you’ll likely move apart. You have to truly embrace change and support each other’s dreams.
Whatever ambitions your partner has, you have to support them. Not doing so will mean you struggle to connect and cause your relationship to stagnate. But that’s not all. It makes you co-pilots on a flight to nowhere, following a map that leads to marriage turmoil rather than married bliss.
