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11 Painful Life Events That Often Cause People To Dislike Themselves

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Sadly, some people struggle to like themselves, even a little bit.

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Not everyone is fortunate enough to like themselves. Some people actively loathe who they are, or who they perceive themselves to be. Feelings such as this tend not to spontaneously appear—they often have a cause, or causes. While not true in all circumstances, if a person dislikes themselves, they may well have experienced one or more of these things in their life.

1. Childhood trauma.

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It’s hard to like oneself when it feels as though the adults of your childhood didn’t like you. Childhood trauma causes problems with self-esteem and self-worth because the child learns to not value themselves. As a result, they can’t treat themselves with the self-love and respect that they deserve.

Instead, they may engage in self-abuse, substance abuse, or throwing themselves into abusive relationships because they feel that’s what they deserve. Many are also conditioned to believe their abuse was their fault because they aren’t good enough.

2. Bullying.

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Unfortunately, bullying doesn’t always stay in childhood. Adult bullying can be just as bad, if not worse than childhood bullying. Bullying in work, school, or social settings may cause feelings of inadequacy, shame, and inferiority.

Bullying creates doubt and causes the victim to question why they aren’t good enough, or what is so wrong with them? Bullies often attack perceived weaknesses or flaws because they are vulnerable targets they know will cause pain.

3. Relationships ending.

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The end of a significant relationship causes ripple effects that may not manifest immediately. It’s easy to dislike oneself when you look back and reflect on your actions in the relationship. Not everyone is on their best behavior or able to conduct themselves with love and kindness.

It could be that they beat themselves up for being stupid for staying in an abusive situation. They may come to believe that they aren’t lovable because they were abused by the other person. People who are taken advantage of may not believe that they are worthy of consideration.

4. Failing to meet expectations.

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Not everyone is able to live up to the expectations set for them, whether those expectations are internal or external. Of course, there is a misguided belief that you don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations, ever. That’s completely untrue because expectations are necessary for healthy relationships.

In relationships, it’s expected that you’ll return love and emotional support to your partner. At work, it’s expected for you to keep up and do your job well. Academic success is no different. A person who can’t keep up with these expectations may find themselves demoralized and down on themselves.

5. Rejection.

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Rejection doesn’t have to be a negative, ugly thing. Instead, rejection can just be looked at as a statement of, “No, that’s not for me.” And that’s okay! Still, many people struggle with rejection as a personal attack on them due to rejection sensitivity.

People who are especially sensitive to rejection may feel they aren’t worthy or good enough for consideration when rejected. However, that doesn’t necessarily reflect reality. Just because someone doesn’t like and turns down a banana doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with the banana.

6. Career setbacks.

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Many people will spend over a third of their life working. That’s a lot of time, and it can feel devastating when there are career setbacks. In competitive employment, it may be that coworkers are more skilled at the job. It could also be something like being passed up for a promotion.

Losing one’s job is a terrible feeling. Losing a job can feel like it’s a statement of your person when you get laid off or fired. It’s easy to fall into the pit of wondering why you weren’t good enough if you take a job loss personally. Most of the time it’s not personal at all.

7. Financial problems.

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Long-term financial problems cause so much stress. Not only do you have the stress of not being able to pay your bills as you need to, but you may also find yourself wondering why you can’t do better? What’s so wrong with you that you aren’t able to provide for yourself or your loved ones?

It’s hard to climb out of that hole. One must keep in mind that financial problems aren’t a sign of a lack of worth. In many cases, it’s just the economic situation of the area with the cost of living and underpaid job opportunities.

8. Chronic illness.

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Ongoing health issues make people feel isolated and inadequate. They may be down on themselves because they can’t perform at the level they are capable of. Because of that, they may find that their opportunities are greatly reduced because their illness holds them back.

And then there is mental illness. Many people with mental illness struggle with feelings of adequacy and self-worth. Some mental illnesses aggravate it further by creating or amplifying the negative thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, that’s all too common.

9. Social isolation.

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Meaningful connections are necessary for emotional health. After a while, a lack of meaningful connections and loneliness may cause you to start wondering why you aren’t good enough? Why don’t people like you? Why don’t they want to be around you?

In reality, it may have nothing to do with you. Nowadays, it seems like more people than ever are self-isolated in their own little worlds due to life or technology. Still, the longer it goes, the more it can negatively shape self-perception and erode self-esteem.

10. Body image issues.

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There are a number of body image issues that create negative feelings about oneself. A person who is overweight may feel like they are disgusting or don’t deserve love because of it. It could be that they were shamed regularly by someone else, and have internalized the shame.

Then you have other body image issues like body dysmorphia where the person doesn’t feel comfortable in their own skin. They may not be able to look in the mirror and see someone they love because their mental self-image doesn’t align with the physical.

11. Grief and regret.

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The pain of loss can cause a person to dislike themselves over regrets. Hindsight is 20/20, and it’s always easy to look back on situations and say, “I should have done this differently. I should have done that differently. Why was I so stupid!?”

But, in most cases, people are just doing the best they can with what they have. Sometimes the best isn’t all that good, and that’s because we’re human beings. No one is ever going to get it perfect or right all the time. Of course, that doesn’t stop people from beating themselves up about it.

About The Author

Jack Nollan is a mental health writer of 10 years who pairs lived experience with evidence-based information to provide perspectives from the side of the mental health consumer. Jack has lived with Bipolar Disorder and Bipolar-depression for almost 30 years. With hands-on experience as the facilitator of a mental health support group, Jack has a firm grasp of the wide range of struggles people face when their mind is not in the healthiest of places. Jack is an activist who is passionate about helping disadvantaged people find a better path.