Why do people talk over you?
Do you get talked over a lot? Do people seem to overlook your very presence and input in favor of getting their own voice heard? If this happens a lot, you might wish to explore some of the reasons why—though be warned, it might not always be a comfortable journey of discovery.
1. They lack respect for you.
Interrupting often signals a lack of respect because interrupting indirectly says, “I don’t value what you have to say.” If someone doesn’t value what you have to say, then they may feel it is a waste of time to hear it.
That lack of respect really doesn’t have anything to do with you. Even if you don’t necessarily like someone, it’s not difficult to let someone express themselves. It’s a basic level of consideration that any mature adult should be able to give anyone.
2. They perceive you as passive.
Aggressive people will talk over you if they feel that you won’t stand up for yourself. Typically, aggressive or domineering people will feel that what they have to say is more important than others. If you’re passive, then they know they can talk over you and you won’t do anything about it.
Passivity doesn’t work in most situations, particularly many work situations. Competitiveness can bring out the worst in people, especially when something like money or reputation is on the line. Aggressive people may try to claim credit for your work because they know you won’t protest.
3. They’re easily, overly excited.
There are people who don’t mean to be rude and talk over others, but they get so swept up in their emotions that they can’t help it. A person who is excited may not be thinking about how they’re interacting socially to give you appropriate space to speak.
The good news is that these people are often easy to navigate. In many cases, just asking them to be more mindful and not talk over you can be enough to alter their behavior. The reminder helps because they don’t necessarily realize when they’re doing it.
4. They are micromanagers and controllers.
There are people who want to dominate a conversation or steer it in a particular direction. They talk over others so that those people can’t be heard. A passive person is easy to run over, silence, and force into compliance with the aggressive person’s conversation.
Micromanagers fall into the same category. They aren’t interested in hearing what other people say because the micromanager has already made up their mind and is going to tell you what to do, anyway.
5. You don’t assert boundaries.
Boundaries teach other people how you want to be treated. Other people will talk over you if you don’t assert your boundaries because you communicate that you’re okay with it. It’s not always malicious, either.
It may be that they think you don’t really care or don’t have anything to say. It could also be that they come from a background where asserting yourself in conversation is just how they talk. Bigger families tend to prioritize who is forward enough to take control of the conversation.
6. They think they know better than you.
Some people interrupt because they think they know more than you, so they aren’t interested in what you have to say. This behavior is similar to a lack of respect, except they don’t respect your knowledge and experience rather than you as a person.
In many cases, this kind of behavior can come from the boss at work who doesn’t necessarily respect your ability or opinions on work issues. The question of knowledge versus experience is the source of many conflicts because both people may think what they know is superior.
7. They may be insecure.
Sometimes people interrupt as a defense mechanism. They don’t feel good about themselves, so they talk over others to ensure that they aren’t overlooked. People who value themselves and who have healthy self-esteem understand that others are not a threat.
Unfortunately, not everyone can be that secure with themselves. In many cases, people who are interrupting out of insecurity may also be struggling to be heard in their professional or personal life.
8. You speak softly or passively.
A soft tone causes other people to view you as a passive person who won’t stand up for themselves. That may not be the case, but it’s how people may view you. The loud tend to get the most attention, and they are able to drown out the softly-spoken.
Passive speech often goes along with a soft tone. A person who is not confident in themselves may avoid stating things directly in a way that demonstrates confidence. Confidence is often equated to loudness and directness, whether you know what you’re talking about or not.
9. They’re distracted.
Sometimes, people may talk over others because they aren’t paying full attention to the conversation. Because they’re not paying full attention, they may be missing important social cues about when they should be talking or not.
Of course, this isn’t done out of maliciousness, a need for control, or rudeness. Usually, you can get the conversation back on track by just pointing it out to them and asking for their attention.
10. They lack self-awareness.
There are a lot of reasons why people may interrupt out of habit without realizing how it affects others. They may not have good social skills due to their circumstances when growing up or past experiences interacting with people. They may also struggle with mental disorders like social anxiety or they may be autistic—both of which can negatively affect socialization.
Self-awareness is such a valuable tool to have when it comes to understanding oneself and interacting with others. However, sometimes the boundaries of others are needed to understand that things aren’t quite as they should be. Assertiveness ensures these boundaries are respected and you are heard.