Loving husbands aren’t necessarily the best partners.
There are a lot of amazing, loving men out there who are truly wonderful people… but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re great partners. Marriages and long-term partnerships take a lot of work, and simply being a nice guy isn’t enough. The traits below are common in loving husbands who are exceptionally sweet and caring, but hopeless as partners.
1. He needs to be told what to do instead of taking the initiative to do it himself.
This sort of man tells his partner that he’s willing to do anything around the house, as long as they “just tell him what needs to be done”. That request forces his spouse into a parental role in which they have to do all the labor of assigning chores, instead of him simply doing what needs to be done.
Nobody wants to parent their partner, and forcing this type of dynamic can cause the marriage to decline. It has even been the catalyst for divorce in some cases.
2. He agrees to things to make everyone happy, but then doesn’t follow through.
People who are conflict-averse will often agree to just about anything if it means they can stop feeling uncomfortable about a situation. The problem here is that they aren’t actually committing to what they’ve agreed to: they’re just saying The Right Words to end the conversation as quickly as possible.
This leads to arguments and disappointment down the line, because their partner thinks they’ve agreed to something important, while all the husband remembers is that there was a conversation, and then it stopped.
3. He has potentially dangerous moments of absent-mindedness.
According to Consumer Affairs, seven people die in house fires every day, and the majority of those are caused by people leaving the stove unattended while cooking. A husband who consistently smokes up the house or causes small fires because they’ve gotten distracted and wandered off while cooking is a husband who might end up killing everyone in the house.
The only alternatives here are for his partner to do all the cooking, or for him to be relegated solely to salad and cold sandwich preparation.
4. He’s unable to hold down a job.
There may be many reasons why this wonderful man can’t hold down a job, including undiagnosed or unmanaged ADHD, or similar. While personal struggles are excruciating to contend with and require patience and understanding from partners, those partners can also suffer from burnout or breakdowns if they’re forced to carry the family burden themselves.
A person can develop severe resentment for even the sweetest husband if he spends his days watching TV and napping while they’re working at two jobs to support the family.
5. He forgets important dates (and tries to make up for them later).
Few things will show a person how little they are thought of like forgetting important dates. Birthdays roll around every single year, so there’s no excuse for forgetting them: that’s what calendars, apps, and other reminders are for. The same goes for dates of events they’re taking part in, PTA meetings, and so on.
To be part of a couple means being inextricably linked with another person. If only one is showing up consistently, that says a lot about the other’s care and commitment.
Or lack thereof.
6. He neglects dependents or behaves irresponsibly toward them.
He can’t be depended upon to feed the pets promptly or water the plants on a regular basis because they aren’t a priority to him. This means that his partner can’t depend on him to do so if they’re suddenly hospitalized or have to go on a business trip for an extended period.
Similarly, he may send the kids off to school unbathed, with leftover vodka chicken penne in a travel mug for lunch — putting in the barest effort towards those who need looking after.
7. He can’t (or won’t) find anything himself.
He’ll look in the fridge for two seconds and then ask his partner where something is because he couldn’t see it in there. Or he’ll interrupt her while she’s working (or wake her up) to ask her where his keys are.
No matter what it is, he’ll ask his partner where it is and ask for help to find it before putting real effort into finding it himself. Furthermore, if designated areas are established to help him keep track of things, he won’t put said things there.
8. He’s got poor hygiene.
The sweetest, and most loving man in the world will quickly become atrociously unattractive to his partner if he smells like a barn most of the time. Many of us get a bit lax in our self-care once we’ve been in a relationship for a while, but showering regularly isn’t too much to ask of a partner.
The same goes for irresponsible home hygiene practices, such as cross-contaminating the kitchen by mopping up raw chicken drippings and then using the same cloth to wash dishes.
9. He’s unable (or unwilling) to learn from past mistakes.
We all make mistakes, but the key is to learn from them so they aren’t repeated. This man might be the most loving husband in the world, but if he consistently shrinks clothes in the wash, or breaks dishes by piling cast iron on them despite repeatedly being told not to, that’s an issue.
Men aren’t children, and the excuse that they forgot to do these things properly isn’t a good one. Everything they destroy due to negligence will need to be replaced — likely by their partner – and that’s only going to cause resentment in the long run.
10. He’s a coward.
Just because someone is loving and kind, doesn’t mean they’re an ideal partner. A perfect example of this is a husband who doesn’t stand up for his wife when someone mistreats her.
This doesn’t just refer to protecting her if a random stranger gets in her face at a public event: it may also involve standing up to his own parents if they insult her, or advocating for her in a medical scenario when she’s incapable of speaking for herself.
11. He lets others interfere with the relationship.
He may have a parent who doesn’t respect your relationship boundaries and tries to interfere with the decisions you make as a couple. Or he has friends who pressure him into going out with them when you’ve already made plans, and he doesn’t want to hurt or disappoint them by saying “no”.
When two people are in a loving, committed relationship, they need to be a united team and stand by each other no matter what. If he doesn’t, he shows that his spouse’s feelings take second place, even if that’s not his intention.
12. He spends money irresponsibly.
Maybe he’s unable to stick to a budget and spends frivolously instead of responsibly. Or he rebels against perceived constraints and spends the money he and his spouse have been saving to fix the roof on a new car or gaming system instead.
Irresponsible financial behavior is bad enough when someone is single, but it can be devastating when you’re married. There’s always a price for being “free-spirited”, and it’s inevitably the other partner who ends up having to pay it.
