Narcissists use these tactics when they lose control.
Hell hath no fury like a narcissist who’s lost control of their victim. If you think the abuse was bad during the relationship, the aftermath of walking away from them can be a thousand times worse. If you’ve recently gone no-contact with a narcissist, or you’re planning on doing so soon, be vigilant about the following revenge tactics they might use to punish you.
1. Character assassination.
Character assassination involves unjustly damaging a person’s reputation with the intention of ruining their life. One common way a narcissist may use this revenge tactic against a victim is by attempting to restrict access to their own children.
For example, the narcissist may claim their victim is an unfit parent, and seek sole custody of shared kids. They’ll do this even if they don’t particularly like their children, as their goal is to hurt their victim wherever they’re most vulnerable.
2. Withdrawing financial support.
This type of abuse often happens when a narcissist, who’s in a position of power over someone, feels that they’ve lost control. According to Our Mental Health, financial control is a major tactic used by narcissists, and it can be utilized to take revenge if they feel slighted.
If you’re financially dependent on the narcissist in question, they may cut off access to shared bank accounts to hobble you, or kick you out of your shared dwelling so you’re homeless and desperate.
3. Destroying or throwing away possessions.
Destroying or replacing a person’s possessions is a form of coercive control, according to Psych Central. If a narcissist feels they’ve lost control over their victim’s behavior, they may seek to re-establish a sense of control by destroying or swapping out the person’s things.
Some might throw out their victim’s clothes and replace them with those that aren’t their style or size, while others may destroy keepsakes, art pieces, or even food. It’s all a means of shocking and destabilizing their victim.
4. Public humiliation.
Remember that a narcissist who’s lost control will use everything at their disposal to harm you: decency doesn’t enter the picture. As such, if you’ve ever sent nude photos or videos to this person, or if they can access such things from your files, they’ll likely use them to hurt you.
They might post these things on adult sites with your real phone number or address linked to them, or print up unflattering naked shots and distribute them to everyone you know.
5. Sabotaging your life plans.
If the narcissist who’s lost control over you has access to your phone or computer, or knows the majority of your personal details, change all of your passwords immediately. Otherwise, they may go into your accounts and send potentially life-altering messages to everyone you know.
They might also cancel your travel plans, run up your credit card with atrocious purchases, close your retirement savings accounts (or mortgage!), or withdraw your applications to various jobs or universities in an attempt to damage your future plans.
6. Sleep deprivation.
Intentionally depriving someone of sleep is a torture technique used by horrible people worldwide. A narcissist who has lost control over a victim may stoop to using this as a means of exacting their revenge for perceived wrongdoing.
If they live with their victim, they might make banging noises at various intervals to interrupt the person’s sleep cycle. If they don’t live with them, they might call them at 3 a.m. or send paramedics to their house in the middle of the night for a “wellness check”.
7. Withholding information or action.
If a narcissist wants to take revenge on someone after losing control over them, they may withhold important information from them to hurt them. For example, if the victim gets a letter telling them about an urgent payment being required or a medical diagnosis that needs prompt action, the narcissist may discard that letter without telling them.
Similarly, if the person needs the narcissist’s signature on something like divorce papers or a financial matter, they may refuse to provide them with it out of spite.
8. Subtle inconveniencing.
It’s incredibly petty to do this, but some narcissists take revenge on their victims by inconveniencing them in small yet annoying ways. For instance, they may drop their car keys down the sewer grate and claim they haven’t seen them, or hide one of their shoes so they have to scramble to search for it.
Some go so far as to hide things like eyeglasses so their victim can’t see properly. The severity of the perceived misconduct will inform the level of revenge used.
9. Damaging personal relationships with lies.
Between AI and photo manipulation programs, it can be difficult to discern reality from make-believe. Narcissists may use programs like these to create false evidence of wrongdoing on your part, such as creating photos of you being intimate with a friend’s spouse, or writing dangerous or bigoted messages to people via messaging apps.
Under the guise of bringing attention to your supposed poor behavior, they may send these altered images to people you know intending to permanently damage your relationships with them.
10. Sabotaging food or drink.
This one is particularly insidious, as it may cause serious physical harm to the victim.
Some narcissists take revenge on those who stand up to them by adding things to their food that they dislike. They might “accidentally” add ground cumin to their victim’s oatmeal instead of cinnamon, or over-salt something they’re cooking.
A more dangerous situation is if they contaminate a space with something that their victim will have a potentially lethal, anaphylactic reaction to, like spreading peanut butter on a door handle.
11. Ruining important plans.
They may bide their time until something important arises in their victim’s life, and then they’ll go out of their way to ruin it for them. Maybe they’ll report the person to homeland security just before they leave for a vacation overseas, or show up at their wedding uninvited just to make a scene.
Basically, they’ll seek out something that means the world to the person who has dared to stand up to them, and try to ruin it in order to punish them.
12. Causing serious trouble with authorities, etc.
A narcissist who has lost control will stoop to any level to hurt others, regardless of who also gets hurt in the process. They might call child protective services to accuse an ex-partner of abuse, for example, or anonymously report someone for terrorist activities.
It doesn’t matter to them how traumatized their children may be by these antics: it’s all about getting revenge on the one who ruined everything by not behaving the way they should have, in their twisted mind.
