12 “Compromises” Many Modern Women Regret Agreeing To In Their Marriage

12 things many women live to regret compromising on in their marriage.

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All marriages require different degrees of compromise. Relationships between two people will always involve a measure of give and take, but this only works if the compromises are fair and balanced. In reality, there’s usually more giving on one side while the other half takes more than their fair share… and more often than not, it’s women who end up agreeing to things they don’t actually want, for the sake of maintaining harmony.

These 12 “compromises” are some of the main things that many women agree to initially in their marriages, but end up regretting later on.

1. Putting their husband’s career ahead of their own.

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Although we like to think that people see each other as equals regardless of gender, the reality is that men still make more money than women. Women worldwide make 77 cents for every dollar earned by men, according to UN Women, and as such, a lot of women agree to put their husbands’ careers first simply because they will make more money to support their families.

Usually, the only times in which men regularly support their wives’ careers ahead of their own, is if these careers are more prestigious than theirs.

2. Shouldering the majority of the household responsibilities.

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Many women agree to take care of the cooking and housework after marriage, especially those who grew up in more patriarchal cultures. Girls are often taught early how to cook and clean, while boys generally grow up watching their mothers do everything, and thus expect the same from their wives.

These responsibilities multiply a thousandfold after having children, but a lot of men sit back and let these women continue to shoulder everything instead of helping out, even when they see how damaging that is to their supposedly beloved wives.

3. Living with (or close to) their in-laws.

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According to Psychology Today, in-law intervention can be immensely disruptive and damaging to a marriage. Couples who live with (or near) their parents or in-laws often find that these parents will interfere in just about every aspect of their marriage — from intruding on personal space to undermining child-rearing approaches.

If a couple has to live with extended family, then firm boundaries need to be established and maintained for the sake of preserving their marriage. Otherwise, there will undoubtedly be terrible conflicts and negative repercussions to contend with.

4. Taking care of everything that requires mental and emotional labor.

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In most marriages, women are the ones who ensure that birthday and holiday gifts are purchased ahead of time, healthcare appointments are scheduled (and marked on the calendar), thank-you and condolence cards are sent out as needed, and so on. This often happens because the wife is “so much better” at these things.

Problems inevitably arise if she gets ill (or is otherwise unable to govern these tasks) and everything she’s normally responsible for slips through the cracks.

5. Sharing a bedroom instead of maintaining her own space.

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It’s a common misconception that couples who sleep separately have unhappy marriages. In reality, a lot of people sleep better when they’re alone, rather than being kept awake by their spouses’ tossing, thrashing, snoring, or sleep-talking.

Unfortunately, many women agree to share a bed with their spouse instead of having a room of their own to retreat to. Having their own space to do their own thing, and sleep in the environment that suits them best, can be the best thing for a strong, healthy marriage.

6. Setting aside their own pursuits for the sake of their spouses’ preferences.

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Many people marry those who are their polar opposites, only to be pressured into taking on their spouse’s hobbies and interests as their own. As such, a homebody bookworm may agree to take up various sports because that’s what her spouse loves, and thus never has time to do the things that she loves.

This is especially true if said spouse finds her interests “boring”. She may take part in her partner’s pursuits for decades and only have the freedom to indulge her own in her later years.

7. Moving away from a place they love.

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A lot of women agree to move away from the areas they absolutely adore for the sake of their spouse. Sometimes this is because their spouse is offered a job elsewhere, but other times it’s because their spouse has always dreamt of moving to this new location and they feel obligated to be supportive and honor their vows by moving with them.

The majority of them end up regretting this decision, as they move away from their friends, family, beloved haunts, and entire social support network.

8. An intimacy “schedule”.

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Some couples agree to be intimate X times a week (or month) when they marry, in order to avoid the repercussions that may result from a “dead bedroom”. The problem with this approach is that hormonal changes — especially during pregnancy and peri/menopause — wreak havoc with women’s libidos, and may upset that schedule.

Their husbands may not care much that they’re experiencing nausea, discomfort, or simply don’t want to be touched: they agreed to it, so they’d better honor their word or risk divorce.

9. An open relationship/polyamory.

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This situation often happens after a couple has been together for some time and their passions towards one another have cooled. If a woman is financially or otherwise dependent upon her spouse, she may feel pressured to agree to an open relationship or polyamorous arrangement to avoid potential divorce.

Her spouse may see this as a way to get their intimate needs met while still maintaining a healthy marriage, but that only works if both partners are fully on board, rather than one of them feeling coerced.

10. Combining finances.

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Countless women have faced dire financial straits due to combining finances after marriage — especially if their spouse has gambling problems or makes bad financial decisions. In other cases, women have had difficulty leaving abusive or otherwise toxic marriages because they only had a shared bank account and no personal savings.

Even if a partnership seems incredibly healthy, it’s always a good idea to maintain separate accounts. Have a joint one for rent/mortgage, bills, and household expenses, but also keep personal accounts just in case.

11. Taking their spouse’s last name.

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For many women, their name is a vital aspect of their identity. As such, agreeing to change it to their spouse’s surname can feel like a loss of personal autonomy; as though they’ve become one of their spouse’s belongings rather than an equal partner.

To get around this issue, some women will instead hyphenate their partner’s surname with their own, or the two spouses will choose a new surname together that’s meaningful to both of them.

12. Having children.

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This isn’t something that’s often discussed because motherhood is beatified and women who complain about child rearing are chastised for ingratitude — especially by those who struggle with infertility. Sadly, it’s often the most taboo subjects that need the most attention, and a startling number of married women seriously regret agreeing to have children.

Motherhood isn’t for everyone, but many women acquiesce to having kids even when they know they aren’t maternal, only to regret this choice later. Unless someone is 110% committed to parenthood, it’s best to abstain.