Every one of us has met someone who seems absolutely perfect at first glance—they’re charming and appear to be the ultimate friend or partner. But something feels off.
That nagging feeling in your gut isn’t mere paranoia – some people are masters of disguise. They’ll show off a polished look while hiding less-than-stellar intentions. Here are 12 red flags to help you recognize the people who aren’t as great as they want you to believe.
1. They lack empathy.
Whenever you go through something bad and need support, this kind of person will give you a blank stare and mumble something like, “These things happen.” Now, that hurts. These people treat feelings like they’re an optional part of being human. But research shows that empathy is useful for people and society.
Genuine empathy isn’t rocket science—it just involves caring when someone’s world is falling apart, even if you can’t entirely relate to it yourself. But these emotional zombies move through life with a remarkable ability to stay completely disconnected. While they might nod and make sympathetic sounds, inside, it’s total radio silence. They have zero emotional intelligence.
2. They love to gossip.
Whispers travel faster than truth, so watch how someone talks about others when they’re not around. It’s the best way to know a person’s true character since it never disappoints. More than idle chatter, gossip is a character assassination workshop. People who love to gossip turn other people’s lives into their personal entertainment.
They’ll smile to your face—and then tear you apart the moment you walk away. Any conversation with them is filled with judgment, criticism, and zero respect. The way they talk about others speaks volumes about their own insecurities and they often do it to feel good about themselves. But, in reality, research shows it actually hurts their self-esteem.
3. They’re always jealous.
Your promotion comes through, yet suddenly, your friend’s smile looks more like a grimace. Welcome to toxic competitiveness. For these people, the success of others feels like a personal attack, and they’ll do their best to minimize these achievements.
They treat life as a game where someone else winning means they’re losing, so their congratulations come with a side of passive-aggression. They can’t genuinely celebrate your wins. Why? Because they’re too busy comparing themselves! Any achievement is a competition for them, while joy is a limited resource they’re trying to hoard.
4. They don’t take accountability.
Mistakes happen, but for some people, admitting them is apparently too difficult. These people are experts at avoiding accountability, and they’ll deflect responsibility without even thinking.
If you do ever get an apology from them, pay close attention to what they say. It’ll probably sound more like an explanation of why everything is totally not their fault. They’ll twist situations or blame the circumstances to make things fit. Don’t be surprised if they even turn the tables to make you feel guilty. For them, taking ownership is a foreign concept, and admitting mistakes is an attack on their ego.
5. They’re overly charming.
While there’s nothing wrong with being charming, be wary of those that are overly so. Every compliment is calculated, every smile precisely engineered. Instead of connecting with people, they’re giving a performance that allows them to manipulate other people to their liking.
They’ll use their charm to push the right buttons to get what they want. Who cares about who they steamroll in the process? In their world, genuine emotion is something they conveniently forget about, so you should be wary of anything that they tell you.
6. They’re only kind when others can see.
Kindness that appears only when it’s convenient or when others can see it, isn’t really kindness. It’s just a performance. As such, you should carefully observe how someone behaves when no one is watching. These selective saints transform into completely different people depending on who’s around.
In public, they’re generous and supportive, the kind of person everyone wants to be around. Behind the scenes? Not so much. Their compassion comes with a price tag and strict viewing conditions, even though real kindness doesn’t work that way.
7. They gaslight people.
Any conversations you have with them become far too confusing because they’ve manipulated you into doubting the facts. These people are experts at gaslighting. They can trick you into questioning your own memories, feelings—even your own sanity.
They’ll deny things that definitely happened and twist your words. Eventually, you’ll feel like you’re losing your mind, and that they’re the only one that you can trust. Research shows that this can seriously affect your mental health—so definitely stay away from these people as much as you can.
8. They don’t have long-term friendships.
For some people, long-term friendships are unheard of because they’re impossible to maintain and are quickly discarded. These people treat relationships like temporary accessories. Friends come and go, yet they’re never able to form proper connections with them.
These people lack the ability to have real relationships. Instead, their social circle becomes a revolving door of convenience, with relationships lasting only as long as they serve a specific purpose. To them, depth and genuine care are for suckers. You’ll never see them being like that.
9. They can’t take criticism.
These people see constructive feedback as a personal attack, so if you mention anything that might remotely sound like criticism, just watch them transform. Their defenses go up way too quickly, and the “nice” mask slips. They believe that feedback is a threat to their perfectly curated self-image rather than an opportunity to grow.
Every comment you make is the start of a potential war—and they’re always ready to fight to the emotional death. Don’t be surprised if they begin deflecting. You could offer the most gentle, supportive suggestion, but they’ll hear it as a full-blown character assassination since their ego is so fragile.
10. They’re great at lying.
Truth becomes a flexible concept in their world, bent and reshaped at will (mostly theirs). To them, lying is a way of life, involving complex narratives that would make professional storytellers proud. Each lie builds upon another. Eventually, they’ll have created alternate realities where truth is whatever sounds most convenient.
Any sense of honesty they have is virtually meaningless. It doesn’t matter if the lie seems believable or not—you’ll catch them spinning wild tales about everything, including their weekend plans and entire life history. They have zero shame in getting caught.
11. They always take but never give.
These people are strict with giving, but they’re always happy to take. They’ll happily accept support, time, and energy without a second thought, although reciprocity isn’t in their vocabulary. For them, human connections go in one direction—theirs.
These emotional leeches have mastered the ability to get the maximum benefits of every interaction with minimum effort. After spending time with them, you’ll feel exhausted. You might question why you feel so drained since they seem so nice on the surface—the answer lies in the fact that these people know how to always steal your energy without giving the game away.
12. They’re never vulnerable.
While it’s okay to fear vulnerability sometimes, it shouldn’t be something to be avoided at all costs. As such, a major red flag is when someone dodges any kind of emotional openness as something to flee from. Rather than an opportunity for growth, they believe intimacy is a threat.
It’s a little subtle, but the signs are there—conversations remain surface-level, and feelings get locked away. True connection is almost impossible since they’ll never let someone be close enough to achieve that.
