Healthy communication is an important part of any good relationship. Yelling, however, is not a form of healthy communication. In fact, yelling can have many negative effects on the person being yelled at, pushing the relationship closer and closer to its breaking point. The more it happens, the worse it can be.
However, no one is the epitome of perfection regarding their emotional regulation. Even the most even-tempered soul may get angry and frustrated occasionally. Sometimes anger and frustration are expressed through yelling.
In an ideal world, everyone can sit and reasonably discuss their point of view and explain why they feel the way they do; but we don’t live in an ideal world. Sometimes a periodic blowup will need to be smoothed over and apologized for later.
But yelling and name calling should not be a common or regular part of any healthy relationship. There are far too many negative effects that can cause distress. That’s why repeated negative behavior is considered emotional abuse. It does cause psychological harm and should be avoided.
Still not convinced? Here are 10 damaging psychological effects of being yelled at in a relationship.
1. Repeated yelling can make a person afraid and fear for their safety.
According to marriage experts, fearing your partner is a major psychological effect of yelling in relationships. Yelling is often a form of intimidation—often, but not always. Sometimes, people yell because they are angry, they are frustrated, and they don’t have a better way to express themselves.
On the other hand, repeatedly yelling is a common way to coerce and intimidate someone into a particular course of action. Your romantic partner should never try to make you fearful—and, of course, you should never want them to be fearful of you either. It’s a sign of a lack of love and respect, and it’s a form of emotional abuse.
2. Yelling damages relationships because it is not a healthy way to communicate.
Healthy communication boils down to an even exchange between the people conversing. Therapists specializing in relationship counselling say that when adults yell in order to resolve conflict, it’s usually because of poor communication.
One problem with yelling is that it shifts the dynamic toward one being offensive and the other being defensive. Once one partner is on the defensive, they’re no longer clearly communicating. The aggressor is the one that is in control. However, not everyone feels defensive when the yelling starts. Some people take it as a good reason to fight back. Once that happens, there will be no healthy communication to find a resolution.
3. The person being yelled at may start avoiding their partner.
Who wants to be yelled at? Who wants to listen to things that should never be said in the first place? No one.
Psychology Today says that avoidance is a common defense mechanism that a victim of emotional abuse may use to avoid that abuse. And nothing gets resolved if you’re avoiding your partner. However, it’s unlikely your partner will be interested in resolving anything if they regularly yell at you. So getting you to engage in avoidance may ultimately be their goal to control you, the relationship, and what happens in your home.
4. Being yelled at may cause anger and resentment.
Yelling causes anger and resentment. It is often a sign that we are being treated disrespectfully and aggressively. Therefore, it’s only reasonable that you would feel resentful and angry at being treated with such disrespect.
The other issue is that anger leads to quick escalation. If you feel like you’re under attack, then it’s reasonable that you will want to lash out at the source of your discomfort. Furthermore, hurtful words spoken in anger don’t get either of you any closer to resolving the problem.
5. Being yelled at can damage your self-esteem.
A healthy relationship lifts you up and empowers you. An unhealthy relationship can strip you of your self-esteem and make you feel inadequate as a person and partner. Your brain is registering that you are not being treated respectfully.
Why would someone claiming to love and care about you also want to yell at and intimidate you? Is it because something is wrong with you that may cause them to act that way? Well, no. Because everyone has a choice in how they act. They can always pursue anger management or therapy if it’s a problem they actually want to work on.
Ultimately, their actions have nothing to do with you as a person and everything to do with how they resolve conflict.
6. Yelling causes trust issues in the relationship.
Yelling isn’t always about anger and control. Sometimes it’s about obscuring the truth.
For example, let’s say you are suspicious of your partner cheating. They start yelling about how you don’t trust them or even accuse you of cheating. That yelling immediately shuts that conversation down and points the accusation at you, deflecting away from whatever your partner may be doing.
It’s also common for a cheater to accuse their partner of cheating because they feel guilty or like you must be doing something similar to them, even if you’re not. There’s probably something going on if you ask your partner a question and they respond by yelling at you.
7. The stress of yelling may cause physical symptoms of stress.
The body reacts to stress by producing hormones that prepare it for danger. The primary hormone it produces is cortisol. Cortisol, in temporary and small doses, helps prepare your body for dealing with danger. It affects the way you metabolize calories, the way some organs function, and is essentially an alert from your brain to your body that you’re in conflict.
But what happens when you’re under stress regularly? Well, your body is flooded with hormones like cortisol. And that can lead to many physical problems like heart attacks, strokes, weight gain, insomnia, and so many more.
8. Yelling in a relationship may cause anxiety and depression.
Many people don’t quite understand the difference between anxiety and depression. For a lot of people, these words denote chronic, diagnosable mental health conditions like generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. But not everyone who experiences anxiety and depression necessarily has a chronic disorder.
Temporary circumstances can cause depression and anxiety, but they are not chronic disorders because they’ll go away once those circumstances change. For example, the stress of yelling in a relationship may cause you to experience anxiety, depression, or both, according to Very Well Health.
9. Being embroiled in conflict can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Many don’t understand the difference between trauma and PTSD. Trauma is an emotional response that typically happens to a person when an extreme experience strips away their autonomy and choice. That may include sexual assault, car accidents, natural disasters, or a loved one dying.
These things are outside your control and cause extreme emotional responses. PTSD is a long-term effect of a traumatic experience. A person may have a traumatic experience and then find that the emotions will recede over the next months as their brain processes the event. Unfortunately, not everyone can do that, which leads to PTSD.
It may not seem right to lump “yelling” in with those extreme examples, but yelling is often one piece of the bigger picture. Repeatedly being yelled at is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse creates similar scars as the victim is often deprived of their autonomy. That can lead to complex PTSD (C-PTSD), which may result from an abusive relationship.
C-PTSD differs in that the trauma is ongoing rather than a single event. Instead of one big car crash, it’d be more like having a smaller car crash every day with all the trauma and stress it would cause.
10. The conflict destroys the affection in the relationship, leading to a breakdown.
A healthy partner isn’t going to put up with someone who says things they don’t mean. Yelling is typically the result of anger, which clouds judgment on appropriate and respectful behavior. Disrespect, anger, and other negative emotions damage the health of a relationship and ultimately push it toward breaking down.
You shouldn’t want to spend your time around someone who can’t control their anger and yelling. And, in a perfect world, no one should want to be that out of control of their emotions. But unfortunately, far too many people are because they thrive on anger or don’t know how to deal with their emotions healthily.
Still, that is not your problem; you shouldn’t have to live with that kind of abuse. Yelling should not be a common occurrence in your relationship. If it is, you should consider speaking to a mental health professional about your relationship to determine whether it is abusive.
