Your brain has many ways of protecting itself during a hard or traumatic experience, such as when your brain freezes if confronted by a stressful situation or when you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed.
Hostility will often evoke a fight or flight response. But, for some people, that’s not exactly the case. In some instances, a person will “freeze” as their mind shuts down. Then, they cannot do anything because they are overwhelmed by the situation.
Many who shut down emotionally when upset may feel like they don’t have any control over it. Stress triggers an overproduction of cortisol and adrenaline, which your body may not respond well to. That can cause overwhelming feelings, and you may shut down as a result. However, an emotional shutdown doesn’t necessarily happen under such extreme circumstances, sometimes it’s an active choice.
Shutting down when stressed, upset, or during arguments can be disruptive to your life and relationships. Why does that happen? Here are 10 common reasons.
1. You may have PTSD or past trauma.
According to Very Well Mind, emotional avoidance is a common reaction to trauma. Past trauma is not something that just goes away. It leaves wounds that may drive future actions to help a person feel safe so they can avoid further harm. Trauma also affects a person’s nervous system in that they might become hyper-sensitive to stressors, which allows them to detect and avoid potential harm before it happens.
Unfortunately, this response is difficult to regulate on your own. People with PTSD may find that they shut down under otherwise benign circumstances just because their brain subconsciously interprets it as threatening.
2. You have general difficulty expressing emotions.
Some people just can’t express their emotions well or they may not express them in a traditional manner. But, of course, we often assume our emotions should be expressed through words. We are constantly told to “say what we feel.”
Well, not everyone is capable of saying what they feel. Some people are overwhelmed by emotions and the words won’t come, as is often the case in autistic individuals. Unfortunately, the now busted myth that autistic people lack emotion and empathy still persists, when in reality research suggests that a lot of autistic individuals are hyper-empathic, to the point that it’s painful. It’s understandable then, that you’d shut down when experiencing such intense emotions.
Others may have been traumatized by abuse and they’ve learned to be emotionless or suffer harmful consequences as a result.
3. You may be living a high-stress lifestyle.
A high-stress lifestyle may cause you to emotionally shut down just because you’re carrying too much weight on your shoulders, according to therapist Joe Nemmers.
For example, let’s say you’re a social worker and every day you go to work and deal with some of the most difficult aspects of humanity. That kind of work requires a lot of emotional availability and self-regulation to handle social work’s challenges.
After dealing with that all day, you may find that it affects your emotions in your personal life because you’re just so overloaded that anything else causes your brain to go “NOPE!” and shut down.
It may not be a job either. It could be a life situation like a bad relationship, being a caregiver, or any source of high stress.
4. You may have a fear of conflict.
Emotional detachment is sometimes an active choice used as a protective measure, according to Healthline. Let’s face it, conflict is an unknown that may cause serious harm. You truly never know what other people are capable of. Not a week goes by when there isn’t some story in the newspaper about an unstable person reacting violently to some benign circumstance.
People get killed over nothing every day. But it may not be that extreme. Maybe you have a difficult time with conflict in your personal relationships. That may tie back into trauma you’ve experienced, where the conflict touches those sensitive areas and causes you to shut down emotionally.
5. You may fear vulnerability.
To be vulnerable is to open oneself up to the potential of being hurt. You may be trying to protect yourself by being closed off emotionally. The problem is this is often self-fulfilling behavior.
For example, let’s say you’re in a relationship. You partially close yourself off because you’ve been hurt in past relationships and don’t want to be hurt again—obviously. However, closing off a part of yourself prevents you from fully connecting and being present with your partner.
You can’t build emotional walls and expect a healthy, intimate relationship. It always makes you seem standoffish, which can lead to a diminished connection and the relationship failing due to a lack of intimacy.
6. You may be afraid of rejection.
Rejection hurts if you haven’t found a way to address it healthily. Instead of being open and vulnerable, you may shut down emotionally rather than open yourself up to be rejected. Why does that matter? Well, because you need to be able to risk rejection to pursue what you want out of life.
Do you want a relationship? Are you looking to further your education? If so, you must accept that rejection is possible.
Do you want a better job? For that to happen, you have to be willing to put yourself out there to be judged by potential employers.
An emotional shutdown from a fear of rejection may have a devastating impact on your life.
7. You may suffer from depression, anxiety, or other mental illness.
Emotions get tricky when mental illness is involved. Depression is quite literal in that it effectively depresses your emotional range. Therefore, other emotions can cause you to shut down emotionally because your brain can’t process them.
Anxiety puts your brain on high alert, making it susceptible to small changes in emotions, let alone big ones. That could cause you to shut down because your brain can’t handle it. And, of course, plenty of other mental illnesses have a dramatic effect on your emotional landscape.
8. You may have low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem may cause you to feel like you don’t have a right to your feelings. You may question whether your feelings are valid, if they mean anything to anyone, or if they are even worth expressing.
A negative self-image influences how we look at the world and how we think other people perceive us. If you have low self-esteem, you may be emotionally shutting down and withdrawing because you don’t feel worthy enough to hear your emotions.
9. You may be experiencing grief.
Grief is a painful experience that we will all face sooner or later. In the context of grief, people tend to focus mostly on someone dying. However, grief is more than that. You may find yourself grieving a lost job, a relationship, the death of a beloved pet, a dramatic change in life circumstances, or the poor situation someone you love might find themselves in.
A good example is a terminally ill loved one. You know they’re going to die. They know they are going to die. You both stare that reality directly in the face as the clock ticks down to when it finally happens.
Furthermore, many people don’t realize there are different kinds of grief—normal, complex, delayed, chronic, collective, and many more.
10. You may have personality traits or a neurotype that causes you to emotionally shut down.
Introverted, shy, autistic, or socially anxious people may find that they emotionally shut down in certain situations. It’s not necessarily a defense mechanism like traditional anxiety or a trauma response.
Instead, those emotions may cause you to withdraw into yourself to avoid potential social ramifications. Social situations may make you so uncomfortable that you feel overwhelmed, leaving you unable to handle the interaction.
In closing…
As you can see, there are so many reasons why you may shut down emotionally. Trauma, grief, personality traits, your neurotype, and many other things can dramatically affect your ability to conduct your life.
Life, for humanity, is inherently an emotional experience of highs, lows, and mundane times. Shutting down emotionally makes it much harder for you to get the full experience of life.
The good news is that a mental health professional may be able to help you develop better habits, heal mental wounds, or manage your stress better if you find yourself struggling.
