Most of us have read horror stories online about awful things people have done to their partners. Some have caused lasting damage to their relationship, while others may be ongoing and abusive. But you won’t find a mature man doing any of the following to a woman he loves.
1. He won’t gaslight her.
When younger men feel shame about doing something they know was wrong, they often try to convince the other person that they’re misremembering what actually occurred. They do this so they can avoid the discomfort of being reminded of their wrongdoing. They say things like “You’re remembering it wrong”, “You’re overreacting” or “It was just a joke”. These phrases, and many others, scream gaslighting. According to sociologist, Paige L. Sweet, men utilize the stereotypical (but inaccurate) notion that femininity is linked with irrationality to support their gaslighting.
It’s a type of abuse that causes the other person to mistrust their own feelings and memories. A mature man will own up to his missteps and take steps to make amends, rather than trying to convince other people that they’re crazy.
2. He won’t shame her for aging.
Men with salt-and-pepper hair are often called “silver foxes”, and the “dad bod” aesthetic is commonly complimented as widely appealing, as described in this Time Magazine article. In contrast, older women are usually condemned for “letting themselves go” if they don’t dye their hair, get wrinkle filler or Botox, and so on.
Mature men recognize that aging is inevitable and that their partners are so much more than the sum of their appearance. They appreciate a woman who ages gracefully. They would never shame the women they love for having the audacity to age naturally. They would certainly never tell their middle-aged partner that her hair looks really nice and ask to touch it, only to stroke her upper lip. Nor name her chin or lip hairs in an attempt to humiliate her into plucking them. Yes, I’ve known people who’ve done this.
3. He won’t dismiss her health concerns as overreaction or hypochondria.
Did you know that women weren’t regularly included in clinical trial studies until the mid-1990s? Women’s health has barely been studied, and women are often dismissed or gaslit by health professionals and partners alike when dealing with personal health issues.
A mature man would never summarily dismiss his partner if she says that she’s in pain or not feeling well, simply because he assumes she’s overreacting. He’s aware that she knows her body best, and if something feels wrong, it needs to be taken seriously.
4. He won’t try to “punish” her as if she were his child.
A mature man with a fair bit of life experience under his belt recognizes that the woman he loves is an equally mature human being who deserves immense courtesy and respect. He would never put her down or do anything that would damage her self-esteem and he would certainly never scold or punish her for perceived wrongdoing as if she were a child.
If there are issues that need to be addressed, they’re discussed calmly and respectfully, as the equals they are. Women aren’t lesser beings to be talked down to like they’re children or pets, despite what some men seem to think.
5. He won’t sit back and let her do all the work.
While some guys might get into relationships or marriages so they have live-in maids to sleep with at will, mature men choose partners with whom they’d like to build a life. One aspect of building a life together is sharing the workload in the ways that suit each partner best.
Rather than sitting back and letting her do all the work around the house, he’ll pull his weight the same way that she contributes to the household with her own finances and labor. It has to be a fair exchange.
6. He won’t be disrespectful or reckless with her belongings.
An immature man who feels insecure about his relationship may check his partner’s phone or monitor her personal purchases. Similarly, he may be reckless with items she owns, like her car, precious home items, or other things that mean a lot to her because, in his mind, everything is replaceable, and breaking stuff doesn’t really matter. These disrespectful habits reveal the sort of partner an immature man really is.
This often happens when someone sees their partner as an object they own, rather than a person. Since they feel that they own the individual, they think they own that partner’s belongings by extension.
7. He won’t break his word for the sake of his own amusement.
One of the worst things a person can do to their partner is intentionally break their trust — especially for their own amusement. For example, if a man’s fiancée has specifically asked him not to shove cake in her face on their wedding day, but he does it anyway because he thinks it’s hilarious.
This isn’t a loving, respectful response at all, and a mature man would never lower himself to that kind of behavior. It remains fully in the realm of puerile boys who don’t understand what real love entails.
8. He won’t have poor communication that leads to her worrying.
If a man says that he’s going to be home in half an hour, and then waltzes through the door two hours later, his partner is likely going to be understandably upset because she thought something terrible had happened. He might have gotten distracted with work and then picked up food en route home (which is lovely of him), but in the meantime, she’s been inside-out with worry.
It only takes a few seconds to thumb out a text to let her know that he’s delayed so she doesn’t have to wonder if anything has happened to him.
9. He won’t behave spitefully if he perceives that he’s been wronged.
A lot of guys can behave spitefully when they assume things about a situation rather than finding out the truth of the matter. An immature man who sees his partner being friendly with another man at a party might go out of his way to kiss another woman in front of her in retaliation. Of course, when it turns out that it’s her cousin whom she hasn’t seen in a decade, then he’s the jerk.
Mature men prioritize truth over assumption and behave graciously regardless of what they discover.
10. He won’t fail to stand up for her or defend her.
Many women have felt immensely betrayed when people have been awful to them and their male partners have failed to stand up for or defend them. It’s bad enough if this happens with strangers, but is particularly heinous when family is involved — such as if his parents insult her and he remains silent so as not to upset them.
A mature man chooses his partner with care and love and will defend her against anyone who causes her harm. That includes friends, colleagues, and immediate family, if necessary.
11. He won’t ever hit her.
Children lash out with violence because they don’t know how to regulate their emotions, nor do they have the vocabulary needed to express themselves properly. Mature men do, however, and as such they would never hit, slap, or otherwise physically harm the women they claim to love.
Arguments happen, and sometimes verbal exchanges may get a bit heated, but physical violence is unacceptable in any relationship. If a man feels the urge to hit his partner, he needs to develop healthy coping mechanisms for his anger.
