Truly genuine, authentic people are wonderful to spend time with. They’re open and real, and we tend to want to trust them because we feel so safe and comfortable with them. In fact, we often feel as though we’ve known them forever.
Unfortunately, a lot of fake people pretend to be genuine in order to get others to let their guard down so they can be taken advantage of more easily. If you’re just getting to know someone and they exhibit the behaviors listed here, be careful: you may be dealing with a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
1. Excessive or insincere flattery.
According to Professor Berit Brogaard, who specializes in cognitive neuroscience and philosophy of mind, deceivers often use excessive flattery early in a relationship in order to get people to open up to them. This is because many people mistake deceitful flattery as sincere behavior, which makes them feel cared for and appreciated. As a result, they lower their guard and allow the flatterer to get close to them much more quickly than they normally would.
This type of abundant or insincere flattery is a manipulation tactic and should be one of the first warning signs about a potentially insincere person. If they’re complimentary once or twice and then expand upon that compliment with a sincere conversation, they’re probably okay. That said, if they keep going on about how amazing you are, how much they admire you, and so on, set your shields to maximum.
2. Inconsistent behavior based on who’s watching them.
This type of behavior is common in narcissists but can be exhibited by anyone who’s fake rather than genuine. Rather than showing the same “face” to everyone they know, they adapt their behavior to their audience. Because of this, they often keep their social circles very separate so that they can put on different acts accordingly without being discovered and called out for their inconsistent, two-faced behavior.
This also happens frequently when the face they show in public is very different from the one they show at home. People in their social circles may think that they’re the kindest, most loving people in the world because they don’t see how horribly they treat their family members when nobody “important” is around to witness their cruelty. It’s incredibly eye-opening when people unexpectedly observe this behavior, along with how they instantly switch back to being pleasant again when they notice they’re being watched.
3. Acts of kindness come with a cost.
A new friend might show up with a casserole when you’re feeling unwell and then remind you of that kindness a couple of months later when they need a last-minute babysitter. Or they’ll give you expensive items that they’re not using anymore, and then ask you to lend them money — reminding you of how costly their gifts had been. These are classic signs of a fake friend.
This often happened to me when I was working in public relations and events. Working in the entertainment industry means cultivating friendships with a wide range of people, including celebrities. So-called friends would invite me to various events or do nice things for me and then ask if I could reciprocate by introducing them to an actor or musician they had always wanted to meet.
According to Psychology Today, this type of insincere behavior can make a person feel used, and they’ll start questioning the authenticity of their various relationships. Is this person my friend because they sincerely care about me? Or because they want an invitation to a film premiere party?
4. Forgetting details about stories they told you.
Have you spent much time with a person whose personal stories change every time they are retold? If they were honest about what actually transpired, those stories would remain consistent. Instead, they seem to adapt these tales to whatever audience they have at the moment.
Furthermore, if you challenge them about these changes, they’ll ask you what it is you think you remember. Then they’ll either gaslight you about your apparent inability to remember details correctly or imply that they got mixed up about details from some other thing that happened. And then change the subject as quickly as possible. In reality, Professor Brogaard tells us they simply can’t keep up with the falsehoods they’ve been telling in order to keep their stories straight.
5. They avoid serious topics and conversations.
Fake people are often shallow and superficial. They like to keep conversations lighthearted and frivolous because they keep their mood uplifted. Any time someone brings up a topic that’s a bit too serious for them, they’ll redirect or change the subject as quickly as possible and may even berate the other person for being a downer.
Similarly, they often avoid revealing too much about themselves and ask others questions about their own lives instead. Although they may have a wide social circle, others won’t really know too much about them other than their favorite foods, music, and what they like to drink.
6. Gossip is their lifeblood.
In addition to keeping conversation light and breezy, they also love to collect dirt on other people. They’ll gossip with whoever is within earshot and often drop nuggets of misinformation about a person or situation so others will set the story straight by sharing all the details they know about it.
Fake people will often share stories about themselves that are completely made up in order to encourage others to open up to them about their own experiences. They’ll say they’re only mentioning these things because they trust you, and they know you’ll be the soul of discretion with anything they divulge in confidence. Oh, and don’t worry — they’d never say anything about you to anyone. Your secrets are safe with them.
7. All their exes are toxic and crazy.
Whereas genuine people hold themselves accountable for their actions and acknowledge the role they’ve played in relationship problems, fake people play the victim most of the time and insist that everything that has ever gone wrong in their lives is someone else’s fault.
As a result, when they talk about their former partners, those partners will be labeled as toxic, crazy, and various other derogatory descriptors, whereas their own behavior will be described as faultless. It’s a telltale behavior to look out for. Additionally, they may avoid giving away their exes’ names or other identifiers so nobody can reach out to them to get their side of the story.
8. Announcing their supposed trustworthiness.
Certain traits speak for themselves and don’t require any introduction. For example, someone with class won’t have to broadcast it, and if someone’s a really nice person, their behavior will reveal that to be the case. As such, anytime someone feels the need to announce that they’re honest and genuine, that’s a surefire sign they’re anything but trustworthy.
Keep your guard up with anyone who boasts about how trustworthy they are, especially if they insist that something they’re trying to manipulate you into doing is authentic. For example, a business deal or investment that they insist is a “sure thing” but is making your spidey senses go haywire. Nothing in life is a sure thing, so give anyone who says it is a very wide berth.
Final thoughts…
Although these behaviors are major red flags to be aware of, many fake people have learned how to mask how disingenuous they really are. As such, you may discover that friends you have cared about and trusted for years are about as authentic as TV wrestling matches.
We do our best to trust our intuition, but if you suddenly discover that someone you thought was genuine is actually fake, know that isn’t a failing on your part. You weren’t so naive as to be duped: they were simply masters of manipulation and deceit.
