There’s no better time than midlife to become the person you want to be. No, we’re not talking about acting on a midlife crisis by abandoning your current life and commitments. But rather, taking stock of what you really want from the rest of your life and, more importantly, living in a way that’s going to get you there.
To do this, you need to figure out the behaviors you’re currently engaging in that don’t actually serve you well. If you’re not sure how to pinpoint these, eliminating the 11 common mistakes listed below is a great place to start.
1. Neglecting your physical health (or believing there’s no point in making small changes if that’s all you can manage).
A lack of personal care really starts rearing its head once you hit 40 years old. Your body can sustain a bit more abuse and lack of care when you’re young because of what is happening hormonally. But, physical therapy experts inform us that the hormonal changes we experience as we age reduce our ability to bounce back physically.
The good news is that this process can be slowed by embracing a healthier lifestyle. People who make the effort to exercise, eat a balanced diet, and keep their stress levels down can maintain healthier hormone levels, improving their physical and mental health. And yes, we know it’s not that simple, otherwise, we’d all be doing it already. Things like chronic pain and neurodivergence can make it much harder. When the odds are stacked against you, it can make it seem an insurmountable task, so why even bother?
The key is to work with what you’ve got, not with what someone else has. Small, gradual, manageable changes are more likely to stick. You don’t have to become a health freak or elite athlete; even gentle strengthening exercises or a short daily walk, along with a bit more nutrition in your diet, will help. It won’t be perfect, but it will be better.
2. Not embracing a growth mindset because you think you are defined by your age.
The term “growth mindset” was first coined by psychologist and author Carol Dweck. Adopting a growth mindset means believing that your skills and abilities can be developed through effort and learning and that they are predetermined by your genes – or age, in this case.
Too many people fall into the trap of thinking they are who they are as they get older. What’s the common saying? “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” Of course you can! You can learn new things, you can grow, and you can find better things ahead of you.
But you can’t do that if you stick yourself into a fixed mindset that your growth is done. It’s only done if you want or believe it to be done, and if you stop learning, trying new things, and striving to be the best version of yourself.
People who think that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks are often just using it as an excuse not to try.
3. Neglecting finances and planning because you think you’ve left it too late.
Now is the right time to start thinking about your finances and how to improve your future. Ok, so the best time was years ago; the second best time is right now. The earlier you start planning your financial future, saving, and investing, the better use you can make of your money.
Meeting retirement goals is hard when you don’t start planning early for it. Retirement accounts that offer benefits for long-term investments and complex interest add up over the years. Starting late is much better than not starting at all, so don’t waste any more time if you haven’t dedicated some effort (and money) to this already.
4. Not making or maintaining friendships because it requires effort.
People over 40 are often busier with their lives, with more responsibility. It’s difficult to keep up with maintaining friendships and relationships if you’re worried about work, kids, and whatever other adult responsibilities you have. It’s not uncommon that your friendship circle will shrink as you age. However, there are great physical and mental health benefits to having friends, according to the Mayo Clinic.
Loneliness is an incredibly stressful state of mind. Just being around other people physically causes your brain to fire off endorphins and dopamine specific to physical socialization. Not only that, but friendships can get you through hard times and boost your happiness and self-confidence.
5. Staying in toxic relationships that hold you back.
Why are you still in your toxic relationship? They do so much harm to your physical and mental health because of the stress. It is normal to want to cling to these relationships. Sometimes it’s because we think we deserve them, other times it’s because we’re just scared of something different.
But if you want to be the best version of yourself, you have to leave these toxic relationships behind. They make you unhappy. They make you depressed. They can even traumatize you in a way that can take years to recover from. You need to be around people who uplift and support you.
6. Living in the past (and thus ignoring what you need to do right now).
Nothing sabotages your present like holding onto your past. Past failures, regrets, or even successes can keep you stuck as you spend your time thinking about them instead of living in the present. The past is gone. It’s done. Nothing is bringing it back, and you’re not going to recreate it.
Instead, you want to look to the present. What can you do today to make a better tomorrow for yourself? There are things that we can all be doing that fill our lives with joy and happiness. You won’t become the best version of yourself if you’re stuck looking back at your past self.
7. Avoiding change because it’s uncomfortable.
Comfort is safety, and safety leads to stagnation in the context of personal growth. Change will be uncomfortable because it’s an unknown. However, that unknown can be what allows you to evolve into a better version of yourself, an evolution that can continue the more you pursue it.
Change will come, either way. There’s no getting around that. External forces will push and pull against your life and cause changes that you can’t escape, good or bad. To fear change and resist it is a mistake you will make when you look back on your life. The best approach is to initiate that change yourself so you don’t have that discomfort sprung on you from nowhere.
8. Comparing yourself to others.
By 40, most people will find themselves on different paths. You can’t fall into the habit of comparing your path to that of people around you. It’s a mistake that so many people make. You need to learn how to stop making comparisons because there’s always going to be someone who is more successful, has more money, or has a better lifestyle than you. Envy and jealousy just rob you of your happiness.
Instead, focus on your own path. Focus on finding the way forward that makes the most sense for you and your life. There is plenty ahead for you, too. You just have to keep working toward it, taking those risks, and keeping your eye on the prize.
9. Not addressing mental health issues.
Mental health is the key to good overall health. That may seem obvious, but it’s easy to overlook. It’s hard to keep up with life or strive for more if you’re weighed down by what’s going on in your head. Stress, depression, anxiety, trauma, and the cornucopia of other mental health struggles can keep you from moving forward.
There are so many ways to address mental health. People often go on about therapy or meds, and those things can help, but sometimes, lifestyle changes are necessary. That’s kind of the catch-22 of the situation. Exercise and activity can help with our mental health, but our mental health can keep us from exercise and activity. But even getting outside and taking a walk is a great start.
10. Overworking and overcommitting yourself.
There are only 24 hours in a day, 365 days in a year, and however many years you have left in your life. You can’t spend all that time buried in work or commitments. Everyone needs time to take a break, get some rest and relaxation, and recharge their batteries.
It’s ironic that people say “they work like a machine,” meaning they work hard and don’t stop. That’s not how machines work. Machines need regular care and maintenance; otherwise, they break down, just like you will sooner or later if you don’t rest to maintain and repair your machine.
11. Not pursuing hobbies or a passion that sets your soul alight.
Part of rest and relaxation should be nurturing a hobby or feeding a passion. These things provide spiritual nourishment, an intangible sense of satisfaction and happiness that helps to keep you out of the hole of unhappiness.
Maybe you don’t have a hobby you particularly like or a passion that moves you. That’s okay. Just get out there and try things. There are so many things to be passionate about, you just have to explore what works for you. You can’t sit around thinking about what might move you without actually trying things. Besides, some people find their passions while doing something entirely unrelated.
Final thoughts…
The truth is that it is never too late to do a new thing. You can learn new skills, work on your physical and mental health, pursue a new career, or dream a new dream. Life doesn’t stop as you get older. In fact, being older can be of great benefit because you better understand how life works.
It’s easier to prioritize your time, set goals, and you may have better access to resources than you previously did. Don’t stop. Don’t let yourself believe it’s too late to have the kind of life you want to live, to be the person that you want to be. The only thing holding you back is you.
